Should I have a maid of honor?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My friends that have sisters just set up a rotation for maid of honor – Sister A is Maid/Matron of Honor for Sister B, Sister B is Maid/Matron of Honor for sister C and Sister C is Maid/Matron of Honor for sister A…assuming they all get married eventually. Doesn’t work if someone will eventually want to ask a friend though.

Post # 3
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t see the problem with not having a Maid/Matron of Honor. Your mum said that not designating one offended people because they thought it should have been them, but that makes no sense because they would have been even more offended if she had chosen one and it wasn’t them! Having a point person could be helpful if they are doing things like organising a hen’s night, but also if they’re all reasonable people I’m sure they can figure it out without different titles. 

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

scipioblack :  I’m Maid/Matron of Honor and there has already been 2 girls with an issue about them not being picked. Hurt feelings will happen regardless. Also plz don’t make 1 person a Maid/Matron of Honor and then decide close to the wedding that you want to honor another person. Just because. To me its a hurtful power trip.I went to a wedding where the groom did this to his best man. He decided to make another guy his best man also at the end. You could tell how upset the best man (Original one) was during the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper

scipioblack :  I had bridesmaids that were all Maid/Matron of Honor, so I didn’t pick one and it was fine. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Can ou make them both the maid of honour? I can’t see the trouble in having two. There are no right rules, just right feelings that honour your needs and wants as a bride. 

Post # 10
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I feel you! I’m in a similar situation – no sisters, but I know who I will ask to be my bridesmaids but feel weird about asking one to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I love them all the same! 

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

scipioblack :  you can always ask them all now to be just BMs and decide alil later on. Just a thought. If anyone asks just say it’s undecided. It might be a good idea to wait longer to ask them as well. Usually I think you ask your bridal party within 6-12months before the wedding (unless it’s a destination wedding). Sometimes relationships fall apart and better ones form. Not saying this will happen with your sisters, but between now and then one might have financial burdens, or become pregnant, or something else. Just some food for thought.

Post # 12
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

I have two of my sisters as my bridesmaid and my best friend as a bridemaids too. I do not plan on having a Maid/Matron of Honor.  My two sisters live out of town my best friend lives 5 minutes from me.  If I need help with anything she is more than willing to help out but I do not need a Maid/Matron of Honor, as I do not plan on having a bridal shower or bachelorette party for anyone to plan. Everyone that will be attending the wedding are coming from out of town. If you do not see an need to differentiate do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing so. They can all help you in different ways without having the title of Maid/Matron of Honor. Just my  opinion.

Post # 13
Member
2798 posts
Sugar bee

I had a somewhat similar problem! My bridesmaids are my 3 sisters, my best female friend, and my best male friend. Then also my FI’s two sisters most likely though I haven’t asked them yet (they live a bit further away and I feel funny having such a huge bridal party). 

My oldest sister is the unnamed Maid of Honour by role because she’s basically planning the whole wedding. She’s 8 years older than me and has been waiting very impatiently to plan my wedding since hers was 10 yrs ago and she loves doing it (lucky me!!). However, my younger sister is 2.5 yrs younger and was more of a best friend to me growing up. We have always been extremely close, and even more so in our adulthood. I also was the donor for a stem cell transplant 5 yrs ago that saved her life (leukemia) so we are even more deeply bonded. Buuut I obviously can’t pick the two of them and leave out the third sister who I am also close to. 

So, I’m going with no Maid of Honour. I know that both of them would probably like to be named for very good reasons and I’m sure they won’t be perfectly thrilled that they weren’t. But it’s either honouring one and hurting the others, or having a couple of them be mildly miffed. They’ll also understand that you can’t choose between sisters unless they’re unreasonable people. 

 

Post # 14
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I have 3 sisters, 1 sister in law, and 3 BFFS so I do not want to make any feel less. I am simply not having a Maid/Matron of Honor and everyone is happy with that and still willing to help.

Post # 15
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

scipioblack :  I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor and my Fiance isnt having a best man. long story short he wanted his dad to be his best man but his mother doesnt want his dad escorting a bridesmaid/MOH (very childish i know). I was originally going to have my best friend of 7 years be my Maid/Matron of Honor but things happened and we arent finds anymore. My current 3 BMs are my 3 cousins who are 9, 17, and almost 19. We have always been insanely close like sisters. i didnt want to choose between them because they are all dear to me and i knew it would hurt someones feelings. so i just decided to not have one, but i explained that i couldnt choose between them. they totally understood and are happy. all 3 of them are the “MOH” wihtout the title if that makes sense. Do what you want to do. i know your mom may be worried that it is a terrible idea, but who cares its your wedding. and TBH if i’ve learned anything while planning it’s that you have to do what you want and not try to please everyone.

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