Post # 1
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
So I will have three or four bridesmaids, most likely. They will be my two sisters I have grown up with and am very close to, my half sister, and maybe my fiance’s sister. I have planned up until this point on not designating a maid of honor – I don’t know how or why I would choose between my two sisters, and if I made both of them Maid/Matron of Honor, it would offend my half sister. I just saw it as frivolous and causing unnecessary drama.
However, when my Mom asked who my Maid/Matron of Honor was going to be and I told her my decision, she told me she thinks it is a terrible idea. When she was married, she didn’t designate a Maid/Matron of Honor, and it apparently kind of offended everyone, b/c they thought they should have been selected. She also worries it will cause confusion because no one will know who is the point person for things (I know bridesmaids aren’t here to have to do things, but I know my sisters do want to help… that’s not gonna be the drama). I could go go ahead and call my next youngest sister (I’m the oldest, so the middle sister) Maid/Matron of Honor, just by virtue of the fact that she has a car and a job and could actually help me with errands if need be, but I feel like that would be telling my youngest sister that I like the other better, even if I explained it.
So anyway, now I’m torn. Do any of you guys have any advice/experience with this situation? I know it really depends on the person, but I figure it’s worth a shot.
Post # 2
Member
9736 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
My friends that have sisters just set up a rotation for maid of honor – Sister A is Maid/Matron of Honor for Sister B, Sister B is Maid/Matron of Honor for sister C and Sister C is Maid/Matron of Honor for sister A…assuming they all get married eventually. Doesn’t work if someone will eventually want to ask a friend though.
Post # 3
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
I don’t see the problem with not having a Maid/Matron of Honor. Your mum said that not designating one offended people because they thought it should have been them, but that makes no sense because they would have been even more offended if she had chosen one and it wasn’t them! Having a point person could be helpful if they are doing things like organising a hen’s night, but also if they’re all reasonable people I’m sure they can figure it out without different titles.
Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
scipioblack : I’m Maid/Matron of Honor and there has already been 2 girls with an issue about them not being picked. Hurt feelings will happen regardless. Also plz don’t make 1 person a Maid/Matron of Honor and then decide close to the wedding that you want to honor another person. Just because. To me its a hurtful power trip.I went to a wedding where the groom did this to his best man. He decided to make another guy his best man also at the end. You could tell how upset the best man (Original one) was during the wedding.
Post # 5
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper
scipioblack : I had bridesmaids that were all Maid/Matron of Honor, so I didn’t pick one and it was fine. 🙂
Post # 6
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper
greeneyedamber : OP, yes once you make a decision sick to it. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
Can ou make them both the maid of honour? I can’t see the trouble in having two. There are no right rules, just right feelings that honour your needs and wants as a bride.
Post # 8
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
greeneyedamber : No worries, I definitely have never had any intention of doing such a thing. My wedding isn’t until March of 2018, so I’m just working on figuring out their roles. I just need to decide if I want to designate a Maid/Matron of Honor or leave it be.
Post # 9
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
canhorsegal : I agree, that could work, but my half sister who is also a bridesmaid would likely be offended. And if I added her to the mix, then the groom’s sister would be the only regular bridesmaid, which just seems silly.
I appreciate all the advice from everyone! I just wanted to check to be sure I’m not missing something that could be an actual issue.
Post # 10
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
I feel you! I’m in a similar situation – no sisters, but I know who I will ask to be my bridesmaids but feel weird about asking one to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I love them all the same!
Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
scipioblack : you can always ask them all now to be just BMs and decide alil later on. Just a thought. If anyone asks just say it’s undecided. It might be a good idea to wait longer to ask them as well. Usually I think you ask your bridal party within 6-12months before the wedding (unless it’s a destination wedding). Sometimes relationships fall apart and better ones form. Not saying this will happen with your sisters, but between now and then one might have financial burdens, or become pregnant, or something else. Just some food for thought.
Post # 12
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
I have two of my sisters as my bridesmaid and my best friend as a bridemaids too. I do not plan on having a Maid/Matron of Honor. My two sisters live out of town my best friend lives 5 minutes from me. If I need help with anything she is more than willing to help out but I do not need a Maid/Matron of Honor, as I do not plan on having a bridal shower or bachelorette party for anyone to plan. Everyone that will be attending the wedding are coming from out of town. If you do not see an need to differentiate do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing so. They can all help you in different ways without having the title of Maid/Matron of Honor. Just my opinion.
Post # 13
Member
2798 posts
Sugar bee
I had a somewhat similar problem! My bridesmaids are my 3 sisters, my best female friend, and my best male friend. Then also my FI’s two sisters most likely though I haven’t asked them yet (they live a bit further away and I feel funny having such a huge bridal party).
My oldest sister is the unnamed Maid of Honour by role because she’s basically planning the whole wedding. She’s 8 years older than me and has been waiting very impatiently to plan my wedding since hers was 10 yrs ago and she loves doing it (lucky me!!). However, my younger sister is 2.5 yrs younger and was more of a best friend to me growing up. We have always been extremely close, and even more so in our adulthood. I also was the donor for a stem cell transplant 5 yrs ago that saved her life (leukemia) so we are even more deeply bonded. Buuut I obviously can’t pick the two of them and leave out the third sister who I am also close to.
So, I’m going with no Maid of Honour. I know that both of them would probably like to be named for very good reasons and I’m sure they won’t be perfectly thrilled that they weren’t. But it’s either honouring one and hurting the others, or having a couple of them be mildly miffed. They’ll also understand that you can’t choose between sisters unless they’re unreasonable people.
Post # 14
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
I have 3 sisters, 1 sister in law, and 3 BFFS so I do not want to make any feel less. I am simply not having a Maid/Matron of Honor and everyone is happy with that and still willing to help.
Post # 15
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
scipioblack : I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor and my Fiance isnt having a best man. long story short he wanted his dad to be his best man but his mother doesnt want his dad escorting a bridesmaid/MOH (very childish i know). I was originally going to have my best friend of 7 years be my Maid/Matron of Honor but things happened and we arent finds anymore. My current 3 BMs are my 3 cousins who are 9, 17, and almost 19. We have always been insanely close like sisters. i didnt want to choose between them because they are all dear to me and i knew it would hurt someones feelings. so i just decided to not have one, but i explained that i couldnt choose between them. they totally understood and are happy. all 3 of them are the “MOH” wihtout the title if that makes sense. Do what you want to do. i know your mom may be worried that it is a terrible idea, but who cares its your wedding. and TBH if i’ve learned anything while planning it’s that you have to do what you want and not try to please everyone.
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