(Closed) Should I have a wedding that I hate, or elope? Advice please!

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Why not just have a small intimate wedding?  That way your parents are able to be there but you don’t have to worry about the other family.

Post # 4
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wait, wait, wait.

Who cares what your family wants? Honestly. You are their daughter/niece/whatever and they should be thrilled that you are getting married no matter what!

Have the wedding that YOU want to have and will enjoy, regardless of what anyone else’s tastes are.

Secondly… I think it’s really unhealthy for you to compare your wedding to your sister’s. First of all, your wedding will be just as special as hers, regardless. Secondly, her wedding was such a long time ago and you were so young when it happened, it’s pretty likely that even if it was a wonderful wedding to begin with, you’ve probably romanticized it and built it up in your mind as well. Twelve years old is an extremely impressionable age!

So try to stop comparing yourself to your sister. You deserve to celebrate with your friends and family in your own way. ๐Ÿ™‚

ETA: I feel like you might not be considering your future fiance much here, either. What about his family? Don’t they deserve to be able to see their son/nephew/grandon/cousin/etc have his special wedding day?

Post # 5
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sounds very similar to what my original choices were, but at least my family were happy for me to do whatever with the wedding. It was the in-laws that had their heart set on a big, formal wedding.

In the end, fiance and I just put our foot down and started organising the casual, laid-back wedding we wanted.

Post # 6
4360 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Slow down.  You’re not engaged yet!  I’m a waitingbee too and I know it’s hard to keep your mind of the wedding (just look at my post count!).  But just wait and cross that bridge when you come to it.  You don’t know how you’ll feel when you announce your engagement, or start the serious planning process.  Your family may react completely differently to how you expect.  And what does you soon-to-be-FI say?  It’s his wedding too.  That’s my advice, wait.  It’ll happen soon enough, if it does happen at Christmas all the better.  And if you still feel the same way I promise to give you an honest answer ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 7
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry if this is blunt… but I’ve been following your other post about the “possible Christmas proposal” and it kind of seems to me you might be more interested in “being engaged” or “having a wedding” than you are in actually having a marriage. I know it’s natural to think and wonder about your future wedding, but it really seems like you are getting ahead of yourself. You are this stressed over it now? Imagine how stressful it’s going to ACTUALLY be! This is all just make believe at this point. Relax. Let whatever happens, happen. Absorb it for a few days/weeks/months and then plan what makes you happy. You are not planning a wedding to “entertain” or compete on Four Weddings (maybe you are). But make sure EVERY choice you make is what you REALLY want.

Post # 11
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I sort of agree with riverbride13.  Your other thread doens’t seem to indicate that your boyfriend is really interested in marriage.  I’m not saying that to be mean…your post in your other thread is pretty straightforward in explaining that he has no intention of asking you to marry him.  You’ve been together for several years and all he ever gives you are excuses for why he’s never asked you to be his bride.  You might be putting all your hopes and dreams in the wrong man. 

Post # 12
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

– Micro-sized wedding for immediate family only

– Big “we got married!” party for friends afterwards


Post # 13
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


I have to be completely honest with my opinion of your situation.

I think you have become a little obsessed with getting married. I think you need to stop worrying about the wedding so much until you are actually engaged. Don’t get too ahead of yourself or you are going to go crazy! ๐Ÿ™‚

I completely understand your situation with never wanting to get married and then it suddenly changing when you meet the “right man”. Hell, my father is even sick (has been most of my childhood and took a turn for the worst in the last year or two) so I completely understand wanting to move things along so your father can be there.


The only problem is it sounds like your boyfriend does NOT want to get married, at least right now. He is making excuse after excuse on why he can’t propose right now. Money… I can say is a valid excuse to an extent, however your blowout of him saying he can’t because it won’t be a surprise is crap! And the more you push him, the more he isn’t going to want to. If he truly is the guy for you (which you may need to seriously take an outside look at, I can’t tell from the given information) then I think you need to slow down and just let it happen naturally. If he is just stringing you along then I thing you need to just cut him loose. Have a calm serious conversation with him about what his ‘life timeline’ is and when he wants to get married. Also mention about your sick father and what your ‘life timeline’ is… maybe you can come to a compromise.


As for your dad, I don’t know how religious/spiritual you are. I’m very spiritual and whole heartedly believe that even if my dad passes he will still be right next to me walking me down the isle in one way or another. It is the only thing that keeps me from breaking down.  My father walking me down the isle was the main reason I initially wanted a ‘real wedding’ over an elopement so it is a HUGE thing for me.


Just take a break and breathe. Think about all the things you have going on, and above all just talk to your Fiance about it all and see if you can come to a common ground. You’ll work it out! ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck


Post # 14
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@AquaGrey8962:  It is easy to read things incorrectly in these kind of online formats and I definitely was not judging you. I just want you (and everyone) to find their happiness. I can DEFINITELY understand the urge to start planning and get the “show on the road” so to speak.
I think given your circumstances with your father and other family issues, you should definitely just do what makes you happy. Have the fun party with your friends. If his family are a bunch of sticks in the mud, so be it, you will only remember the happy parts. And your family will love and support you no matter what. You don’t want to look back in 10 years and wish you had had the party instead of just eloped. You get one shot at this (ideally)

My personal motto : It doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful!

Check out the website and book called A Practical Wedding. LOTS of great stuff!

Post # 15
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@AquaGrey8962:  I say don’t do it. Why spend the money on something you won’t enjoy? 

Post # 16
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Elope if you want to elope! Like if that is where your heart is…do it!

If a small wedding sounds great…do that.


Sit down in a quiet place. Write out your options. Say each one out loud and see how you feel with each one being “the chosen one”. Go with the one that makes your feel the best. You should never have to apologize for your feelings.


Do what I did. Sit quietly. Alone. And complete this sentence… “If I wasn’t so scared I would ________”. Whatever that first answer is, there ya go.


This is how I decided to have a wedding away, that is just the two of us. Sure…some might be disappointed but you know, you aren’t living life for them. This is the new life you are creating for the two of you. No matter your choice, you do know that you someone will be unhappy, right? Since we aren’t responsible for anyone else’s happiness, might as well concentrate on you and FI’s.


Best of luck!

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