(Closed) Should I have kept my mouth shut on facebook?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you write posts on Facebook about your wedding?

    Yes, I'ts no big deal

    No, I don't want people assuming they are invited

    No, It's like talking about your wedding to someone and then not inviting them

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would set up a blog, and link in to your face book with wedding updates. If people want to see it, they have to click outside facebook to view it – their prerogative.

    Posting things on facebook, when often you don’t have a choice but to see it when you login to your home screen is probably not the way to go if people aren’t invited but can see.

    Keep it discrete, and post many photos after the wedding!

    Post # 33
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    It really depends on your friends list, I guess. I shamelessly post about ours, and more now than ever as it’s right around the corner. But I’m what they’d call a “lifestreamer” anyway. I post A LOT anyway. My close friends and family are scattered all over the globe so it’s the best way to keep everyone posted on what’s going on. Some of my friends tease me about how much I post about it, but no one has gotten upset or assumed they’re coming to the ceremony. I think it helps that we’re having a more public reception in the evening that everyone we’ve ever hung out with is invited to pop by for, so no one is really feeling left out. 

    As far as people who get annoyed about “too many wedding posts”, who cares? Facebook is for you to post about your life, it’s your own personal soapbox, what other people think about what YOU post on YOUR facebook shouldn’t matter, especially such a major life event! Of COURSE I’m gonna be going on about it a lot – it’s only gonna happen once! And it’s a big deal!

    Post # 34
    Member
    3538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Hmm I think this is a very personal thing for everyone.

    I have one friend who posts everything wedding and to tell you the truth… its pretty darn annoying because it seems to me she cant post about anything else. Her life is revolved around wedding planning and to me it seems very self involved. But then again its her own FB wall and she can post whatever she wants.

    Its up to me to hit the ignore button.

    I like the occasional post and I think its sweet when people post their countdown.

    So go for your life girly if you want to post!

    Post # 35
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I rarely post on FB in general (I just checked and my last post was on Aug 11 LOL) and I’ve never posted about my wedding.  Not because I don’t want people to think they’re invited, but just because I’m a private person and don’t post stuff.  I changed my status to engaged but immediately deleted it off the newsfeed so no one would comment on it!  Some of our mutual friends who knew wrote on my wall, and one of my former coworkers who is a good friend wrote on another coworkers wall so people at work knew before I got back from my trip.

    Like PPs, I actually like reading other people’s statuses about their planning (in moderation!) or reading their wedding websites if they share a link.  I just don’t want random people reading about my stuff.

    Post # 36
    Member
    6013 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    We weren’t even engaged yet when my uncle, aunt and their five kids, and various spouses informed me that they were so excited for my wedding.  I was gobsmacked.  They were excited to see everyone again, like my wedding was some family reunion.  

    I hadn’t seen them in over ten years and the visit with them was some random thing,  I post nothing on FB at all about it, cause they are all on FB like it’s their job.  That and i’m one of those people that the less everyone knows about my business the better. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    2977 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We invited 80 people (40 guests per each of us) to our wedding, but posted stuff about my wedding on FB occasionally. I never said stuff like “OMG this is going to be the BEST party of the year lololomg”…I would just occasionally post about how excited and happy I was to marry my Fiance and a few DIY projects, and answer questions people asked. I set up a website on the knot for guests to look at.

    Everyone’s sitch is different obviously, but maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to keep it on the down low, or just do what the others suggested and start a private list that includes only your wedding guests.

     I only had one problem with my wedding on FB and that was an old friend’s drunk mother posting this gem in a convo that I was having with another person: “Jessica. I cannot believe you didn’t invite daughter’s name to your wedding! You have been friends since highschool!” ummm, no actually she hasn’t spoken to me since HS, BUTT OUT! Who does that??!

    Post # 38
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    I posted and so did my daughter.  Everyone understands that you can have everyone you would like to at a wedding.  Pictures of the venues we were trying to decide about.  Engagement pix. Shower pix. Bachelorette pix, etc.  And after the photo booth pix and wedding/reception pix. Family that wasn’t invited or couldn’t come really seemed to enjoy it.  As did my HS buds, etc.

     

    I think it’s odd not to post about such a big event in your life.  One of my daughter’s good friends from high school, whom she was in contact with and talked/mssged quite often, never said anything about her engagement nor the wedding not only on FB but not to any of her friends.  Then wedding pix on other people’s pages started tagging her friend in her wedding gown.  (Not a small wedding either.)  They were all hurt.  Not because they weren’t invited, but because she didn’t tell them about this major life event before it happend. So maybe my eyes are colored from that perspective.

     

    But again, from the other side.  I LOVE looking at status updates and wedding pix and other life event pix.  I am so glad we live in an age of social media.  It’s gret tht my daughter’s generation wont lose touch with people (unless they want to) from various stages of their lives.  She’s 25 and still has all her HS buds right at her finger tips, not to mention various job friends.

     

    Just a middle-aged lady’s opinion.

    Post # 39
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I tend to have a different attitude towards facebook anyway, very little personal information gets posted – if I’d feel weird talking about it with my boss’s boss I try to keep it off facebook!

    I’m keeping my wedding information completely off facebook. People I care enough about to invite already know these details of my life, people who don’t know from real life don’t need to find out through cyber-stalking!

    As someone who has had MANY acquaintences planning weddings in the last two years – the very frequent updates about fairly minor updates EVERY FREAKIN’ DAY got old.  And discussing budgeting and finances is pretty private and could really make some people uncomfortable.  Personal finances are typically considered pretty personal and should not be discussed publicly – even in passing.

    Etiquette would have you be polite and considerate.  This includes not talking about a party to which you aren’t inviting everyone.  If you embrace this in its truest and most literal sense, then it isn’t a good idea to discuss our weddings on facebook; But facebook seems to have its own set of rules – everyone is always discussing plans – upcoming and current – and they certainly don’t invite every friend they have… But it’s probably wise to try keeping the wedding chatter to once a week or less often, and mixed in with other updates.

    When people ask if they are invited you’ll have to be straightforward – and understand WHY they might think they’re getting an invite; they were “involved” in your wedding conversation.  Try telling them ALL the same thing (but individually, as asked!) – something along the lines of “We’re so fortunate to be blessed with so many family members and wonderful friends who wanted to share our special day with us.  Thank you for your support.  Sadly we just aren’t able to accomdate everyone.  I certainly hope you understand.  I’d love to get together to [fill in the blank – as appropriate.  Suggesting a phone call for out of state friends might work too].

    Post # 40
    Member
    9814 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think you can post whatever you want, but I sort of liken the wedding thing to handing out birthday party invitations to only half the class.

    Post # 41
    Member
    4883 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Absolutely no one is as interested in your wedding plans as you are, and to be honest I get annoyed when people post every little detail even though I’m planning my own.  Before FB became what it is, would you have called everyone and shared the same info?  No?  Ok, then you have your answer.  😉 

    Post # 42
    Member
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Other than the status change and today I posted I’m finally making a decision on my dress and that I got my shoes I haven’t posted a thing since we have gotten engaged. We got engaged in March. If people want to know about it they will ask me! haha

    Post # 43
    Member
    3311 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I also think it’s a personal preference.  I made posts to mine as well, but they weren’t every day or anything.  And I was very careful to keep specific details off of fb.  

    Post # 44
    Member
    1445 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t post about it on fb, but mostly because it is going to be a very small wedding and I’m scared I will get the awkward posts where people assume they’re invited, and I’m way too shy to break it to them that they aren’t. However, I do love seeing wedding posts from other people, even if I’m not invited.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I post zero information on FB.  It is a great networking tool but I come from the school that my life is my business and I don’t need to air everything out to the masses.  Fiance and I are not even “in a relationship” on FB!!!  Too much room for drama from people.  I just avoid it. 🙂

    Post # 46
    Member
    1015 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Yeah, i don’t mention my wedding at all on facebook for the exact reason of avoiding hurt feelings. The only thing wedding related i did was change my status to “engaged” because i was soooo excited. 

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