(Closed) Should I have kept my mouth shut?!–Sorry long…

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

depends on what your husband feels about your comment

Post # 4
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

LOL, no, what you said wasn’t shitty at all!  Good for you.  She sounds as though she really means well, but I can see how it would be annoying.  I don’t see anything bad about what you said.  In fact, I think it was pretty restrained, all things considered. 

Try to see that she’s a Mom (I’m a mom of an adult, too, oops, hope I’m not too guilty of any of this) and sometimes Mom’s do have trouble seeing their adult children as adults, we sometimes still see them as our little kid.  But, hopefully, by your setting her straight it was step one on the way to more healthy boundaries.

If you feel really guilty (you shouldn’t) you could always give her a call to smooth things over by saying you value her opinion highly but have things under control.  And thank her again for her wisdom and advice, lol . . . good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would just not include her in anymore conversations, and when she asks why, explain that her negative attitude and the fact that she treats you both like little kids playing house who have no idea what they want has made you both decide that you would prefer to keep your life choices to yourselves.

Maybe then she’d get the point

Post # 7
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

LoL… I think that your comment was very mild compared to what a lot of people would’ve said.

Post # 8
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think what you said was perfect! Hopefully she gets that she over stepped, but I’m willing to bet she didn’t. lol.

Post # 9
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not over the line at all! I have a Mother-In-Law who likes to let me know what she thinks about a lot of stuff in our lives too so I know where you’re coming from.  I think that you handled it really well and the fact that your Darling Husband agrees with you should make you feel even better. 

It’s a fine line between sticking up for yourself and being rude, but I really think that your comment wasn’t even close to the line 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@greenviolets:  Yeah, my baby boy is an adult in college, lol.  But he’ll always be my baby boy. 

She must love you both to pieces.  Eventually she’ll get used to the fact that you’re adults and already know how to manage just fine.  It’s cool that you and your Darling Husband can be patient with her in spite of knowing she’s a pain sometimes, lol.  I know sooner or later I’ll be a Mother-In-Law myself and I hope I’ll know when to keep my two cents to myself.  Wink

Post # 11
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I have a momgrandmother who is just like this. It got to the point where we just do not talk about things with them unless it directly concerns them. I feel like when you start answering questions and keep it going as a topic of conversation it opens it up for opinions. I shut that down right away and say something like “we are talking about it still but havent really decided” or “yes we decided”. I do not leave it open ended and I always finish it off with “so what about you, whats going on with blah blah blah”. I find that usually works. As far as feeling bad about saying what you said, I wouldnt feel bad at all, she was implying you two do not know how to run your own lives and was being pretty condescending if you ask me. I say you handled it properly. When someone pushes too hard and doesnt let it go this is sometimes necessary.

Post # 12
Member
14661 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I probabaly would have done the same or worse… I don’t take it well when people lecture me and tell me *should* do anything unless I’m actually about to kill myself doing what I’m doing

Post # 14
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs, I don’t think what you said is all that bad!

I work in real estate and my Future Mother-In-Law thinks she knows better than me and what we can and should buy. It’s incredibly frustrating but I just ignore it. I’ve had both sets of parents (clients’) attend showings and make comments (while the couple just got more and more confused) and families who meddled so much that the couples lost houses they really wanted. Your Darling Husband is setting clear boundaries which is good!

Post # 16
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@greenviolets:  learning to NOT say anything (even though Darling Husband has good intent) is part of being married, IMO.  It’s fine if he’s free sharing, but he’s now sharing info about not just himself.  I think the more you talk about it and talk about what is ok to share and not ok to share, the easier it will be over time.  My gut is to share as LITTLE as possible and then start opening up more (as the person you are giving info too can handle).

I don’t think what you said was bad, but if said in snark, just shows that you are at the end of your rope with MIL’s well meant advice.  She is trying to mother and share her wisdom vs. let you make your own decisions and learn from your mistakes.

When people do that with me, I revert back to wedding planning mode – when people would offer their well-meant suggestions.  I smile and nod and say something like:  thank you for that idea.  …and then change the subject 🙂 🙂

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