(Closed) Should I hire Irish dancers for my wedding or is it offensive?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

@aconnor82:  I vote for doing the Irish dance.  I don’t think it is neither offensive nor strange.  It is your heritage and it’s not like it’s an hour long or anything.  If I was at your wedding, I would think that it is nice and interesting. Sure there are some people that are going to say they are not interested in it or weird or whatever.  But I don’t think that this would be the majority.  Yeah maybe some people will not enjoy it, but they can just sit down and sip a cocktail for 15 minutes.  It’s not going to kill them.

Post # 18
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I am Irish and Italian, I wouldn’t be offened.
BUT 15 minutes is a long time – a coworker had Portugese dancers at his wedding and he said 10 minutes felt like forever (even though he also said it was awesome, he wanted to get back to his wedding)

Is there wine at the reception? Italy: represented. 😛

Post # 19
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think that any type of performance belongs at a wedding reception.

Post # 20
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You’re paying?  You just answered your own question.

I agree, you should play a few Italian songs as well as have some Italian food there.

Loooove the dancers, though (I’m Irish lol)

Post # 21
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014
Post # 22
Member
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t think it’s offensive, but I don’t think a wedding needs entertainment like that. Four Weddings does do it a lot but they are all trying to top each other so that’s probably why. 

Post # 23
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

iveoft give been to a wedding where the bride organised Irish dancers as a surprise for her husband and guests ans they loved it. Plus ,ost weddings I go too that are Irish there are usually a couple of dancers anyway. I promise you it will go down a treat, the music will get everyone on their feet. Why don’t you incorporate an Italian prayer or reading into the ceremony as it is a beautiful language.

Post # 24
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@aconnor82: Before my wedding, I was in the “your wedding, you get to have it your way” camp.  Having now gone through, and reflected on the experience, you have a leg up on us, in that you’re asking these questions now, and trying to make the wedding more inclusive of family, and make it an opportunity to bring family together.  So, while you do get the final say, trying to make sure your future in laws feel included, and welcomed, and considered, at their own son’s wedding is an absolutely smart, and immeasurably appropriate, thing to do.

I don’t think that 15 minutes of Irish dancing as entertainment is offensive, but feel it out.  Don’t do it if it’s going to cause strain; I really wouldn’t say it’s worth that.  But, I doubt it will be an issue – but I would start talking about including Italian traditions.  Ask his parents about some of their traditions; tell them you want both of your heritages represented, so you want to include traditions from each side.  While you should do some research on Italian traditions, and get an idea of what you might want, and not want, [This next part is important!] ASK THEM what their traditions are, and what is important to them.  Get them to talk first, listen, and show respect.  This will show them you really do respect them, their feelings, and their culture.  Then you can say “well maybe this would work, but I don’t think that is really us” and “I read about this thing; is it one of your traditions?  Do you do it a different way, maybe?”  Whatever you decide t do that is theirs, odds are it will only count, in their minds, if you do it exactly their way.  I’m not trying to be condescending, or suggest you aren’t respectful of them, but there’s a generational gap there (I also realize I don’t know your age, so this might not be so relevant if you are over 35), about how people express, and perceive others’ atttudes and intentions.

Lucky for you, there are a few Italian traditions that involve people giving you money!  People pin envelopes of money to the bride all night long, is my understanding.  I’m part Italian on my mom’s side; that side of the family lived in another city, so I’ve only heard about, not experienced, most of these things.  There are bombonierre, which are sachets of five sugared almonds that each guest is given, and they cost virtually nothing.  You can do them in white, or get them in your wedding colours.  We did them in green and navy.  Sweet table is one from our family, which comes out later n the evening, and is covered in Italian, diabetes-causing awesomeness.

 

Post # 26
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@aconnor82:  I think if you’re paying, it’s your decision! Maybe try a bit of both? My cousin is of Scottish descent and his wife’s family is Maltese. They had bagpipers wearing our family’s tartan at the entrance to the church, and had some Maltese music at the reception. Also, my cousin agreed to get married in a church for his wife’s family even though he’s not religious, so it was pretty balanced.

DH is part Irish too but my Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are separated so Mother-In-Law has this weird anti-Irish bias (FIL was born in, and now lives in Ireland). So we couldn’t include any Irish traditions because she would have cracked it, which pissed me off!

Post # 27
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

@aconnor82:  It doesn’t sound offensive, it sounds fun! I would check with him/his family what traditions they might like included and then put those in too.

Post # 28
Member
937 posts
Busy bee

I love Irish dancers. If I knew you guys were Irish this would make perfect sense to me. And even if I didn’t know, it would still be awesome. Maybe during the dessert course? Yummy treats and a suprise, who doesn’t love that!?

Post # 29
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Friends had Irish dancers at their wedding last year, as a surprise for the bride’s father, who’s first generation. For 15 minutes, it’s fine.

Post # 30
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@aconnor82:  He sounds like a pill.  And kind of egotistical. The wedding isn’t about him. 

Has he expressed exactly how he wants his side represented? If it’s something reasonable that you don’t mind doing, throw him a bone. Or, try to come up with something to appease him.  Maybe with the food? If you’re doing a buffet, maybe you could have an Italian station. If not that, maybe something subtle in the decor? Could your Fiance maybe incorporate something in his clothes or bout?  

Check out Pinterest for some ideas.

If he hasn’t made any suggestions, don’t ask him but come up with an idea yourself. If you ask, he might very well suggest some grandiose thing thing you don’t want to do.  Better if you control it. 

Post # 31
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My good friend had Irish dancers at her wedding but they were her students. She teaches irish dance at the school we work at and they were a hit! It was a quick thing, the guests loved it, and it represented an important part of her life. Obviously you don’t have quite the same situation but I think if it’s what you want for your wedding, and it represents something about you, go for it!

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