Should I insist he wears a wedding ring?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well I dont think she was talking about putting a gun to his head and stapling the ring in place!

Post # 62
Member
1984 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

dw4518 :  you say you trust him but would rather “there wasn’t temptation”and “deterring the decent women”. If you trust him, you don’t need to worry about temptation. You don’t need to worry that the decent women will be deterred because HE should be deterring any woman. Also, you imply that a decent woman won’t hit on your husband but an indecent woman will – making it the woman’s fault should he cheat when he is very capable of saying “I’m married”. He isn’t married now but hopefully when he’s hit on he responds with “sorry, I have a partner/I’m engaged”. Why would it be different when he’s married? Or does he not do that now and hence all the worrying? 

Anyway, it was important to me that my husband wore his ring. It was important to him that I wore mine. We both agreed to wear our rings. Then we both lost weight and our rings don’t fit. Sometimes when I hold his hand I miss not being able to feel his ring but it doesn’t change anything. I don’t feel less connected or less married because we don’t wear our rings despite my feelings in the first place. I don’t think he’s going to cheat nor do I think he’s incapable of saying “I’m married”, should he be hit on.

Post # 63
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

bluecutie00 :  For me, it has nothing to do with cheating. I know my man does not cheat and not overly concerned with it.  For ME, it is a symbol of marriage that is traditionally IMPORTANT (just like for a woman, an engagement ring might not be important). Also, I personally fail to see how a man cant find a band that is comfortable enough within the plethora of bands. And I personally, find it incredibly disrespectful to decide on this (UNLESS the two people agree and are okay with it). I would have also made an exception if it was completely impractical for him to wear one because of his job.

But IMO, to agree that this is important (you can call it ‘insist’ as well…we ALL have desires in a relationship that we INSIST upon whether it is overt or not.  I am sure you INSIST that a man does not cheat, does not hit you, cleans up after himself, etc.) to do something in a relationship that makes your partner happy especially when it’s not something that is a violation of your values (and find a wedding band UNCOMFORTABLE is not one of them imo) is part of what a relationship is. And when we are married, is is not only ‘his own body’. We are one.  There are times when I may have sex when I am not completely into it because he wants to. There are times when I cook because I know it will make him happy, etc.  Marriage is the most unselfish act and if a man cant wear a damn ring to represent a symbol that he is married, imo, is a dealbreaker. 

And there is nothing wrong with a woman INSISTING on that. 

Post # 65
Member
9808 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If you trusted him you wouldn’t have made this post. And if a piece of metal around his finger (which comes off, by the way) is the only thing protecting the sanctity of your marriage you have way bigger problems. It’s quite naive to think other women won’t approach him just because he’s wearing a ring. 

Now, I’m not saying you aren’t entitled to want him to wear a ring but just pointing out the flaws in logic for the reasons you’ve given. I look at a ring as more of a “hey, there’s a person out there I love and I want to outwardly show everyone I’m proud of that relationship by wearing this visible marker”. I don’t think a ring makes my husband any less likely to cheat and I know for a fact it does nothing at all to prevent women from making advances (some flirtatious, some out right asking him to hook up) as it’s come up in the past but I see it more as he’s proud of our marriage so he wears something that shows that off.

Post # 66
Member
11654 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MrsBuesleBee :  yeah, i’m with you,  pretty sure OP wasn’t referencing a gun or witchcraft, 😆 whaaat. Just saying this is a BFD for her. She has a right to have dealbreakers. 

Post # 67
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I understand where you’re coming from. I trust Darling Husband implicitly. However, I still bought him a wedding ring and want him to wear it. He forgets sometimes, as he (like most men), has never worn jewelry and is not at all accustomed to it. I just always remind him, and he knows that it’s important to me, so he does his best to remember. We’re a very traditional couple though, and I wear both my engagement and wedding band every day, and he always has planned to wear a band as well.

Post # 68
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance bought a wedding band, but has long standing bad eczema on his hands which means they often swell, bleed and react to things. I just said to wear it when it’s comfortable and leave it off when it’s not. If someone wants to cheat, they’ll just slip it off anyway: marriage is primarily a mental committment.

If your Fiance has a logical reason for disliking rings, then I’d trust him. Many a person wearing a wedding band finds it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore when they’re tempted.

Post # 70
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

My patents were married for 44 years before mom’s death.   Dad kept his wedding ring in his armour.  He was a research chemist and it was dangerous plus on the weekends he tinkered or gardened.

Now that he’s retired and remarried, he wears his ring.

Wearing or not wearing doesn’t mean a thing about being faithful. 

 

Post # 71
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee

FWIW my Darling Husband gets hit on more now that he wears a ring than before we were married…

Do whatever you’re comforatble with. We both wear our wedding bands daily. We are both pretty sentimental about them.

Post # 72
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 when I was single I once went on a date with a married man, not realizing he was married because I had looked for The Telltale ring and hadn’t seen it. I think it’s just one of those things that can help put a barrier to inappropriate behaviors. 

Post # 73
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

No, it seems like a possessive thing to do. 

Post # 74
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

If he wants to wear his wedding ring, he can. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t have to. Same goes with me. If my SO was demanding I wear my ring when he didn’t wear his, it would feel unfair. 

Thankfully, neither of us really cares or tries to control what the other does.

Post # 75
Member
31 posts
Newbee

My husband doesn’t wear a ring. Jewelry of any kind irritates his skin and generally makes him uncomfortable. He can’t even wear a watch. He’s considered having it tattooed, but recently a tattoo artist recommended against it, as they tend to fade really quickly. I would like it if he had something on his finger, because I like the symbolism, but it absolutely is not tied to his fidelity. An honest person will always be honest. 

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