Should I insist he wears a wedding ring?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 76
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

I would like my Fiance to wear his wedding band everyday in the future and I plan on wearing mine everyday too. He never liked jewelry or watches as he find them annoying but I got him a very nice watch for one anniversary and he loves it so much that he wore it everyday since! I also already purchased his wedding band and he sometimes even wears it out even though we are not married yet. Sometimes, I don’t wear my e ring because I feel it’s too attention grabbing in the area that I live in and he will always encourage me to wear it. He likes to ask me what’s the point of him spending so much money on it if I’m not going to wear it? Lol so I think he will not mind wearing a ring everyday after marriage and would probably do so without me asking.. 

Post # 77
Member
3877 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Each to their own! As PPs have said, the strength of your marriage is obviously not based on your rings, but I also think it’s ok to want that symbol. I think people are being a bit harsh on those that say they would want him to wear it – it’s a pretty ingrained tradition. 

To me it comes down to why he doesn’t want to wear it – obviously, if he actively didn’t want to give away that he is married then that is a problem!! But it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. If his main issue is that it will be physically uncomfortable, I would ask if he is willing to commit to wearing it for a few weeks or a month. He might be surprised by how quickly it starts to feel normal! I thought I’d have problems too, but you really get used to it quickly and now it feels weird to not wear it. 

Post # 78
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

I would be upset if my husband didn’t wear his wedding ring. But that’s just me. 

Post # 79
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I don’t think you should “insist” it, but I believe you can share how you feel and how important it is that he wears it. But to insist/demand him to wear it, just doesn’t sound right.

Haven’t you heard? Married man are more attractive. Not saying a piece of metal will make a difference but I’m just putting it out there that many girls find married guys more attractive and thinking that wearing a ring would help dispel all preying ladies… may not be quite accurate.

But again, I believe you should share with him how you feel about it.

Adding to that, I would be unhappy too if my SO didn’t wear his, but only cos it costs me a whole month of my salary. Nothing else. Lol.

Post # 80
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

annann91 :  “Adding to that, I would be unhappy too if my SO didn’t wear his, but only cos it costs me a whole month of my salary. Nothing else. Lol.  “

yes!

Post # 81
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Are we seriously equating (a) deciding not to endure physical abuse to (b) forcing somebody to wear a ring? Give me a break. Don’t kid yourselves… there’s no comparison. AND if OP was a man writing this post INSISTING his wife wear a ring to prevent other men from approaching her – the reactions here would be 100% wildly different.

 BalletParker :   MrsBuesleBee : butterfly67 : 
 

dw4518 :  OP, having a conversation and negotiating your perspective is fine. Insisting / forcing your husband comes off as controlling and insecure.

ETA. My parents are celebrating 30 years of marriage next year. My dad doesn’t wear his ring because “he’s just not a ring person.” My mom ALWAYS wears various combinations of a wedding set. My dad has been no less committed to the relationship for the past 30 years because he chooses not to wear a ring. 

Express your feelings and then leave the decision up to your partner. Trust him to do the right thing if he’s approached by another woman and be secure in your relationship whether he wears the ring or not. 

Post # 82
Member
11592 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

bluecutie00 :  you’re the one who brought witchcraft into this. Lol.

But anyway your claim that this would be totally different if the a man wanted a woman to wear his ring is ridiculous (gonna ignore the rest of your moving the goal posts because that’s not what @mrsbueslebee said, which is what I agreed with). Plenty of women HERE on this site talk about how their spouse wants or prioritizes her taking his name when she doesn’t want to, but it’s important to him so she does. 

People are entitled to their dealbreakers.

Last time I saw you, you were accusing me of stuff that had zero basis in reality. This is beginning to be a trend. 

 

Post # 83
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

BalletParker :  It was butterfly67 that compared this to domestic abuse, not you. But it seemed like all 3 of you were high fiving on that ridiculous comparison – that’s why I tagged you too. That clearly wasn’t your intent, so my mistake and I apologize.

To use your example: Yes, plenty of women decide to change their last name because they know it’s important to their partner. That’s not the same as her husband “INSISTED” she change her name to show she’s “taken” and prevent her from being “tempted” – words actually used by OP.

Once again, there’s a big difference between the scenario you’re describing and the one OP describes. I already said I was definitely being sarcastic when I mentioned manipulation and witchcraft. But using a ring as a mechanism to control your partner is not right, imo. 

 

 in·sist demand something forcefully, not accepting refusal.

 

And I don’t want to derail OP’s thread, so I’ll just ignore your last snide comment.

Post # 84
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

My Fiance has arthritis and I know he will not wear his ring for long as it will cause him pain.  

Honestly it is up to your Fiance if he wants to wear the ring, however you can say your piece on why he should wear it.

Post # 85
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

bluecutie00 :  INSIST also means, ‘to be emphatic, firm, or resolute on some matter of desire, demand, intention, etc.’ according to dictionary.com.  To ME, it is clear that this is the definition that OP means.

And you are the only one assuming that a woman wanting her man to wear a ring means that she is worried about him cheating. For some of us, we genuinely believe it is a respectful way of traditionally representing we are married and we find it culturally disrespectful.

And I did NOT compare physical abuse to a man not wearing a ring.
That is what you got from it because you want to ‘win’ the argument instead of seeing the foundation of my point. My POINT was that we INSIST on good behavior during a marriage. We INSIST on many things. Okay, take out the abuse if you are so sensitive about that point. We INSIST on shit that is way less traumatic. I personally dont see why wearing a ring should be any different if it is important to you.

Post # 86
Member
1436 posts
Bumble bee

If you both aren’t that bothered then I don’t see what the big deal is, but if you insist he wears his then you have to wear yours otherwise it would be hypocritical. 

I know some couples who never wear their rings and they are very happily married and some who swear by never taking them off.  I will say though that one of my close friends refuses to wear her engagement ring and wedding ring (as she doesn’t like jewellery) even though her husband went and designed them both himself with a jeweller and paid a considerable amount of money for them (and always wears his). If I was him I would be very hurt, as she has never made any effort to get used to them and didn’t tell him prior to him buying them, so basically let him waste thousands of £’s on something she can’t be bothered to even try and get used to wearing.  

I wouldn’t insist on my partner wearing one if they were upfront about it from the start and didn’t mind me not wearing one too. Honestly speaking though I would be a bit sad as I do think there’s something lovely and traditional about wedding rings, I also like symbolism of them. However, if my partner let me spend thousands on a ring and didn’t have a genuine reason other than they don’t like jewellery and couldn’t even be bothered to try and get used to wearing it, there would be problems. 

Post # 87
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

butterfly67 :  There are so many “big things” in a marriage to focus on. Some of them you referred to and I agree with – I insist that I’m not in an abusive relationship. I insist my partner is faithful. I insist to have a partner that contributes to our household. These things show my partner respects me and the marriage, and it shows I have self worth. Ring wearing is not on the same level of those “big things,” imo. Nowhere close. That’s the point I was making by bringing in the domestic abuse piece you originally referred to.

As many PPs have stated, there are plenty of people in long term, loving successful relationships without wearing a ring. Wearing a ring is important to you, but somebody else’s choice to not wear a ring should not be considered bad, disrespectful behavior. It may just be that wearing the ring is uncomfortable (like in OP’s Darling Husband case). Or it irritates their skin. They have arthritis. They don’t like jewelry. Their line of work makes it a hassle. Are these people any less committed to their marriage?

And I didn’t assume that all women who prefer their husbands to wear their ring do so because of cheating fears. But I understood that to be the case with OP. OP specifically mentioned the ring was important to show her Fiance is “taken” and she didn’t want “decent women” to “tempt” him if he was without a ring. Did you miss that part? That may not be the reason you want your Darling Husband to wear his ring – but those are the reasons that OP gave.

I personally want my Darling Husband to wear his ring 24/7 because I dropped a lot of coin on it. But if he doesn’t wear it, do I insist? Nope. I can express my feelings about it but it’s his body, his decision. OP should express her feelings on it but it’s her FI’s body, his decision. And in the grand scheme of what’s important in a marriage, it’s not one of the “big things” worth drawing a line in the sand for. 

Post # 88
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

bluecutie00 :  You made some good points. Fair enough.  And, I absolutely agree that if someone can’t wear it for a viable reason, he should not have to(allergies, because of work, etc.). But, I believe those reasons are rare.

The only part I disagree with is that it’s not a big thing. That may be so for you but not for everyone. For some people (like me), it is a strong cultural symbol. For instance, for some women, they need an engagement ring to feel engaged (like me) and there is nothing wrong with that. For me, I would consider it disrespectful if my man did not wear his symbol of marriage especially since he does not have any of the issues you outlined.  If my husband says he doesnt want to wear this symbol because it is uncomfortable (wedding bands are simple pieces of jewelry flushed against the skin), I would have issues with that and I can understand why a woman may. Symbols do matter to some and not to others. And, if my husband cannot ‘compromise’ something SO important to me (and he would have to have a sentiment beyond, it’s just uncomfortable), that wouldn’t fly with me and I would think it mighty odd.

Post # 89
Member
1436 posts
Bumble bee

butterfly67 :  

I agree with you, I don’t have an issue with anyone choosing not to wear wedding rings as it doesn’t affect me, and if both partners are happy there’s no problem. For me personally though I do place importance on my partner wearing their’s. If there is a genuine reason why they can’t wear one then I wouldn’t mind, but if it was just that they don’t like jewellery I would be really disappointed. It’s not that I think they’re any less likely to cheat if they wear a ring, it’s that to me it is a symbol of our marriage and commitment to each other. The same way that for a lot of  people an engagement ring is a symbol of their relationship status and commitment to marry and is therefore something they place a lot of importance on. 

My parents have never taken their’s off other than for surgery, so I have been brought up that you wear your ring all the time and only take it off if you absolutely have to. I am not in anyway saying anyone who chooses not to wear one is disrespectful or not committed, the same as women who don’t want or need an engagement ring aren’t any less engaged, just that for me personally a wedding ring is an important symbol and I would prefer my partner to wear one. 

Post # 90
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

My Fiance is not a jewelry guy at all and I was really surprised that he said he wanted to wear a band, which he only really is doing because this is what he thinks he is supposed to do. Honestly, I could care less if he wanted to not wear a ring and it is my prediction that he won’t really want to wear it much after the wedding, because he is not used to wearing any jewelry. I don’t feel like he is a ring guy so we will see. My dad never wore a ring either. It doesn’t mean he and my mom are any less married. Same with my Fiance and I. I trust my Fiance and he trusts me. A ring doesn’t mean much really when it comes down to how you will act in a relationship. It is just a symbol in the end. I don’t wear my e-ring all the time, Fiance doesn’t care. I will probably wear my set more after the wedding.

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