Post # 1
So I will start off by saying that we are inviting a lot of people to our wedding, mostly family and family friends. Our invite list is currently at 325 though we are hoping for about 275 "yes". Our invitations have not been sent out yet.
The other day my mom mentioned to me that my uncle (dads brother) called my Grandma and ask if his daughter could be invited to the wedding. He has 2 daughters, each from a different marriage. One cousin is currently invited (the one he has with his current wife) but the other is not. I have never met her, and if I did meet her I was too young to remember. My parents are not close to her either, she lives across the country (dont even know where), we dont send or get cards from her during the holidays and I dont even have any idea of what she looks like or even what her husbands name is.
My parents think she wouldnt even come if she was invited and didnt really seem to care either way. If my Grandma wants her there I will invite her, but otherwise I dont see the point. I know at this point I have so many invites that 2 more wont really matter, I just feel like its weird to invite her cause I dont know her and I was never intending on inviting her (She wasnt on the list my Grandma gave me either). Is this rude on my party? Should I just invite her?
Post # 3
Ahh, I feel your pain! Our list is currently at 347! And that is after "cutting" it down, it was once at 430!
I have had a similar problem too, though mine was more of a battle (and I hate to say it, but I lost). My dad insists that if you invite one cousin, you must invite their siblings.. i.e., be consistent. He has this one cousin who I know quite well, as she’s been very involved in my life despite living a few states away. Her sister, however, lives in California and I have met her ONCE in my life, years and years ago, and I didn’t even like her. She came to my graduation party with her whole family years ago, and while other guests gave me cool gifts like suitcases, money, or books- she gave me a bottle of hand lotion. I remember being like, wtf?? Who are you?? And I think that goes to show that she doesn’t feel like she knew me at all, not even enough to give me $20 instead of a bottle of hand lotion! Not to mention my parents put her and her entire family up for the weekend in our house instead of making them get a hotel!!
Needless to say, my father insists that since we are inviting the close cousin, we cannot cross off her sister, though distant off the list. It infuriates me because I don’t know her from Adam. But I can’t argue with him about it anymore, especially since he is paying for the majority of the wedding.
My advice is do what YOU want if you have the kind of family that will allow for that. I wish I could do the same. If you are only inviting her to please the family but they won’t be upset if you don’t, don’t. I do not think it is rude whatsoever. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of the couple, but they have gotten out of control with etiquette and pleasing everyone, and here we are inviting people we don’t even know! However, if you want to be super polite and don’t mind 2 more guests, plus having total strangers at your wedding, then invite her.
Ahh, the woes of the guest list!! Good luck!
Post # 4
I have a second cousin who I am really close to, she will be one of my BM’s. However, I am not at all close to the rest of her siblings (even though we have met many times at family gatherings) and I will not be inviting them. So I wouldn’t feel bad if I were you for inviting one sister and not the other considering you’ve never even met her. I doubt she would be offended. Did you receive an invite to her wedding? If not, then I would definitely feel it’s okay not to invite her. (Not as an "Oh YOU didn’t invite ME type of thing but just as she doesn’t feel close enough to you to have invited you).
Post # 5
I think if you are inviting her sibling you should invite her. If she lives across the country, it seems unlikely that she’ll travel to go to the wedding of a cousin she’s never met, and it will avoid the hurt feelings that are pretty likely if you invite her sibling but not her…
Post # 6
Part of my biggest argument when it comes to tricky people on the guest list is asking: Would I recognize this person at all if we were walking past one another on the street?
What makes your situation even trickier is that you are inviting her half-sibling. I’m wondering if she’s hoping to get better acquainted with your family and that she’s using the wedding as an opportunity to do so? Or maybe your Uncle is hoping it will be another chance for him to see her? I’m just trying to figure out why he would ask for you to invite her… maybe he already mentioned it to her thinking she was inviting and doesn’t want to tell her he jumped the gun?
I’m sure my post wasn’t much help, but maybe asking these questions to yourself may help!
Post # 7
Here’s how I view it..does this person care to be there really? Does she know me and my guy and wish us well and is a part of our lives?
If no, then they do not get invited. Money doesn’t grow on trees. But keeping the peace is good. Think it over.
I just know if it were me, and I am not close to somebody at all, hardly know em’ or haven’t talked in say five or more years NO INVITE goes to them.
Ours will be an intimate affair (probably less than 50 unless all my coworkers demand to come) and I’m not changing the way our day will be …it’s GOING to be intimate..that means those that know and love us only.
Post # 8
I can understand that for your uncle, he didn’t want the uninvited cousin to feel left out since they are both his children. At least he was polite and called to ask, versus just adding her to the RSVP! How old is this cousin? I could understand if she was young and they all live together and she cannot be left home alone. If she’s an adult, I find it hard to believe she would feel left out and get all upset. The other possibility is that your uncle thinks this will be a good opportunity for a family reunion and would love for everyone to meet both of his children. At this point, you have invited so many people that one more invite probably isn’t worth the potential hurt feelings that might ensue so I would probably just invite her, although I totally agree that it seems completely silly to invite someone you don’t know at all! But this is how planning weddings can be…it’s just really wacky and weird and you do things that you never thought you would do. I never thought I would go and ask people for presents but then there I was at BBB scanning my appliances, telling people exactly what to buy me should they feel the need to congratulate me. 😛
Post # 9
i think you need to weigh how much is adding one person going to cost you vs. what kind of bad feelings will arise if you don’t invite this cousin. to me it isn’t worth bad feelings and family disagreements, but ultimately it is your day and you need to check your gut to decide. btw – at least they asked.
Post # 10
I would say since it’s a half-sibling it’s not that big of a deal. My mom wanted me to invite our entire extended family, so I had to implement a rule that if I haven’t talked to them in the past year we’re not sending invites. While I was able to put my foot down on my side of the family, my fiancé’s parents weren’t as flexible. My reasoning was that I just don’t want people to think I just want them so send a gift, and the other was that I wanted it to remain intimate (though it doesn’t appear that it will).