I know that you have likely already made your list and sent out your invitation, but I’m replying for the sake of those that may be reading this later and are having the same dilemma. 🙂
Here is my situation in your “friend’s” shoes:
I have a friend that is getting married soon. I introduced her to her fiance last year, just before I moved overseas (unexpected move). This friend of mine and I had been friends for nearly a decade (and best friends – she was my go-to girl in a crisis and I was hers). She was the best friend a girl could ever ask for!
Well, many people think that my fiance here in Europe is not “good enough” for me. They don’t understand what I find attractive about my new partner and while no one has ever been so good to me, they are focused on looks rather than our compatibility and how how healthy our relationship is. I respect that they only want what’s best for me, but who I marry is my business. 🙂
I suspect that this friend of mine doesn’t like my fiance with tats and dreads and that’s why I wasn’t invited. Or, it could be that when I was last in town visiting, I was too tired to get together for dinner and she felt that I didn’t value our friendship. Or, maybe she’s caught up in a new relationship and getting a marriage pulled off in just six months. Who knows.
My point is: COMMUNICATE. To eliminate hurt feelings, communicate with this person that you don’t want to invite. I didn’t get an invitation to my friend’s wedding and all I can do is speculate as to why the woman that once insisted that if she ever married, I would be maid of honor, has now decided not to even send me an invitation, despite the fact that not only were we best friends, but I introduced her to future husband.
If she had been honest and said, “I feel like you don’t value our friendship as much as you once did. Am I right?” Or, “I think that since you’ve moved overseas, your life has become too complicated to deal with my last minute wedding. Is that true?” Or, “I think your fiance wouldn’t fit in at our wedding. Would you be offended if I invited you and not your fiance?” then maybe I would be annoyed in the moment, but we could clear it up and it would be solved LONG before the wedding day.
As it stands now, I feel like I can’t trust the person that I’ve known for 10 years. I can’t trust her to communicate with me honestly and she hurt me terribly by asking for my address to send an invitation just to tell me later that she “only sent invitations to guests that had confirmed they would be there”.
She’s not telling me why she really didn’t send an invitation. I came into some cash a couple of months ago and when I didn’t get the invitation, I decided to spend the money on a gym membership rather than her wedding. It is possible that even if you think they won’t come, something may happen last minute that changes their financial situation. If you don’t want them to come and you don’t want drama later, I would suggest that you be honest from the beginning and while it may create drama for that moment, at least you’ll be nipping it in the bud and you won’t regret it for years to come.
My “friend” is already back-pedaling and at this point, I don’t care what her reason is for not wanting me to be there. I’m not interested in being a friend to someone that was maid of honor at my wedding (I’m still great friends with my former husband and still consider it to have been one of the biggest, best days of my life). I flew this “friend” to my wedding because I couldn’t imagine my big day without her being in it and then I certainly didn’t expect for her to foot the bill for me to be at her wedding, but I didn’t even get the courtesy of an invitation to her wedding… Wow…talk about an eye-opener about our “friendship”.
Maybe she got what she wanted. Not having to deal with a friend that has a weird looking fiance. But if that’s not the outcome that someone is hoping for, I’d suggest talking to the person about why you don’t want them to be there. Hope this helps someone. 🙂