Post # 1
First, thank you all in advance for listening 🙂
I had one guy friend who was my best friend since we finished college (well over 10 years ago). We had a falling out about 3 years back basically because of his then girlfriend, now wife. Long story short, some years back he used to have feelings for me which had long since passed but he had told this girl about it when they first started dating. So she basically hated me from the beginning because of this and would find any reason at all to badmouth me (he had told me this himself). Then things got really bad when she wrote some nasty things about me on her blog. Really these were things that just was not true about who I was. Any one that knew me essentially laughed when they read it. I know I probably should not have cared what she said but I was younger then and more emotional. So I got into a fight with my friend about it for not defending me at all to her. Then little things became big things and honestly now I don’t even remember how it happened but we essentially has not been in contact for over 2 years. He has not reached out to me nor I to him. I guess we are both equally stubborn.
My wedding is coming up in a few month. I have been thinking that I want to invite him. But I really do not want to invite his wife. I feel like I don’t want someone there who does not bring positive energy. She pretty much hated me so why should I have her at my wedding. My fiance also does not want her there. He was very angry about what she had said about me and thinks that she is a terrible person. My fiance is such a nice person and generally does not dislike anyone, but he made an exception for her.
So my question is, can I still invite my friend without his wife? My fiance thinks that all is already lost and I should not invite him at all. Some of my friends think that I should just suck it up and invite her too. I want to just invite him and give the reason why I am not inviting his wife (ie. I only want people that will be happy and celebrate with us to be there. I would not say that I am not inviting because I think she is horrible).
Anyway, thanks in advance for your help.
Post # 3
He’s definitely not going to show up if you invite him without his wife. It sounds like you’d just be stirring the pot further, and would probably irreparably damage any hope you could have ever had at rekindling that friendship.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t invite him and not his wife this may cause more damage to your friendship (if there is anything left, as you stated). If you want him there, invite him and his wife. Bury the hatchet with his wife in hopes to keep your friendship. Good luck.
Post # 5
You can’t invited him without his wife. That would only make your relationship, or lack thereof, even worse. If you’re interested in being in contact again somehow, I think you should wait till after the wedding. Weddings are highly emotional and important, and you don’t want to add any potential drama that doesn’t need adding. Shoot him a message a few weeks after the wedding and try to patch things up/catch up.
Post # 6
I don’t think you should invite him. Obviously, there are issues there. If you really want him to come, you guys need to sit down as adults and work things out–ALL of you. You’re only going to cause problems if you don’t invite his wife. And I can’t imagine how incredibly awkward it would be anyway to have him come when you guys haven’t gone through the process of talking things over and getting comfortable again. That would be just way too much weirdness on your big day, I think.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t do it. It would just cause problems and he wouldn’t come without his wife anyway.
Post # 8
I vote not to invite him at all since the two of you are close today and there are obviously other issues going on.
Post # 9
You CAN invite whoever you want, but I personally wouldn’t bother inviting him after so long without communication.
Post # 10
If you’re not going to invite her, don’t invite him either. If this invitation is meant to be any kind of a peace offering, it won’t be seen as such when her name is obviously absent from the invitation. I would just let the sleeping dogs lie.
Post # 11
I should add that the reason why I was evening thinking about inviting him to the wedding at all is because I still do very much care about him. We were very close before all this non-sense broke loose. And I just want as many people that I love to be there on my special day. And I think the reason that we have not been in touch is more because neither one of us want to be the first person to reach out. Not because we still are upset at each other. But I guess the reason I am reluctant to invite his wife too is because I feel differently about her. I am still upset at her in a way and I feel like having her around is going to be somewhat of a dark cloud.
Post # 12
I dont think its right to invite him and not his wife. And honestly, I’m not too shocked that he didnt defend you to her regarding the blog entry. Sorry, but at that point you are just a friend, that is his wife and where his loyalties lie. I wouldn’t bother after so long.
Post # 13
If you aren’t inviting his wife, then don’t bother inviting him. The fact that you have a problem with her is basically the root of why you aren’t friends anymore, and not inviting her does nothing to show you’ve moved past that.
I can gaurantee he won’t accept if you invite him, sans her.
If you can be the bigger person and invite them both, then that might go a long way to repairing that relatonship.
Post # 15
well you definitely can’t invite him without his wife – that is a huge etiquette no-no. I’m sure if he was invited without her he wouldn’t attend, so either invite both or don’t bother.
Post # 16
I’m not sure I understand why you wouldn’t want to reach out to him for two years, but do now just in time for your wedding. Essentially whatever friendship you had, IMO his relationship with his wife comes first now (and should). If I were her I would take this “attempt at fixing things” as just a public opportunity to get one last jab at her. Not saying your consciously thinking of it this way, I’m sure you do miss him. But do you miss him more than you hate her? Or are you subconsciously seeing this as one last way to make your feelings about her known? I say let it go. Not every friendship is meant to last forever, but a marriage should. Theirs and yours. I think you need to reevaluate your priorities here and realize what kind of drama this could bring to your day.