(Closed) Should I invite FSIL to my bachelorette party?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You should definitely invite her. If she doesn’t want to come she will decline. Just because she is a stay at home mom doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to have fun. 

Post # 3
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

I agree with @whoa_its_ash, it would probably be best to invite her.  Even if she says she can’t come, she can’t use the “she didn’t even invite me to her bachelorette party” against you to prove her point that you aren’t trying to be close with her.  Besides, if she does come, you might find that you have more in common than you think 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why wouldn’t you invite her? She’s about to be your family and if she wants to decline she can. But you should extend the invite.

Post # 5
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PPs, you should definitely invite her. If she has already complained you aren’t trying to build a relationship with her, not inviting her would be a huge slap in the face. 

Before my brother married my SIL, we went through phases where we did NOT get along and I still feel horrible for putting my brother in that kind of position. I encourage you to reach out so your fiance isn’t in a similar situation!

Post # 6
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Country Club

My Future Sister-In-Law and I are not close either but I invited her to mine as a nice gesture but she declined the invite. I knew she would b/c I have tried multiple times to do something with her and like you and your Future Sister-In-Law we are just very different people and in different places in our lives. It would probably mean a lot to your Future Sister-In-Law to just receive the invite. Make sure she knows what you will be doing so she isn’t put in an awkward situation that she doesn’t want to be in. And that way she can’t say you didn’t try.

Post # 7
Member
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jessmm: I would invite her and if she doesn’t want to come she will decline.

I would also try to make more of an effort to spend time with her one on one. You can go over to her house and spend time with her and your future nephew/niece. You can meet for coffee or dinner and drinks in your neighborhood.

There are so many ways she can be included. Saying you are busy when you are only a few minutes away from eachother would irk me too. I get it you are in different places in your lives, but ultimately, she is going to be family. I would make sure that this relationship starts off on the right foot from the beginning as much as possible. A little effort does go a long way.

Post # 8
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

First, if she’s an attendant, yes. You invite her. To not invite her is very “mean girls.”

 

Second, she’s going to be your sister in law. Invite her. 

Post # 9
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Invite her and let her decide if she’s comfortable attending or not. She’ll decline if not!

Also, I don’t mean this in an unkind way at all, so please don’t take it that way — but we all assume ourselves to be busier than everyone else. (I know I am guilty of thinking my stay-at-home mom SILs are not as busy as I am, a full-time working mom.) Still, I would bet that she, as a stay-at-home mom, might think that she’s busier than you, a college student with no dependents. I’m just saying this to give you some perspective. 

Post # 10
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

jessmm:  I think if she feels you aren’t trying enough to have a relationship and she’s willing to express it, then you probably should really take that into consideration and redirect your efforts. Although I am your age, I feel the same way about my younger Future Sister-In-Law (only a year in age difference). I’m sure she would say that we’re in much different points in our life and she is busy with college and her job and friends (while I am about the finish college, settling into a stable life, and only had to work during the summers), but let’s be honest….she DOESN’T try. At ALL. I know it might feel a little weird to you to be buddy-buddy with her, but if she feels like you’re not trying, you’re probably not. The school and work isn’t an excuse.

You definitely should invite her. If she feels self-conscious, she will decline, but it’s a great opportunity to set up some one-on-one time with her at a coffee shop or her house if she doesn’t want to attend the party. Then she can’t call you out on not trying. Try to find something that is relaxing for both of you so that it can slowly become a tradition.

Post # 11
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

jessmm:  sounds like a lot of fun. I would invite her. Sounds like a good ice breaker. 

Post # 12
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Invite her and let her decline if she wants. This way she can’t claim she was left out of anything.

Post # 13
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m with everybody else – you should invite her! Let her decide if she wants to come or not. 

Post # 14
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My fsil invited me to her bachlorette party and at the time my fiance only dated only a year and wasnt engaged yet. So I say yes invite her to come.

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