Post # 1
My Future Sister-In-Law and I aren’t very close, but she’s going to be one of my personal attendants on the day. She’s 10 years older than me and in a very different place in life than I am (she’s 30 with a baby and I’m 20). She’s recently been complaing to my Fiance that she doesn’t think I try to have a relationship with her, even though we live five minutes from each other. I haven’t really tried, but I’m a busy, college student, with two jobs, who’s planning a wedding and she’s a stay-at-home mom. <br /><br />My Maid/Matron of Honor just told me that my bachelorette party will be a pole-dancing class, dinner, dancing, and my last sleepover and I’m SO excited. But, my Future Sister-In-Law has had self-esteem issues because of her weight. I want to invite her to be polite, but I’m really worried that she’ll be uncomfortable with the activities. Would it be rude to not invite her at all? Or should I just suck it up, invite her, and make the best of it?
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
You should definitely invite her. If she doesn’t want to come she will decline. Just because she is a stay at home mom doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to have fun.
Post # 3
I agree with @whoa_its_ash, it would probably be best to invite her. Even if she says she can’t come, she can’t use the “she didn’t even invite me to her bachelorette party” against you to prove her point that you aren’t trying to be close with her. Besides, if she does come, you might find that you have more in common than you think 🙂
Post # 4
Why wouldn’t you invite her? She’s about to be your family and if she wants to decline she can. But you should extend the invite.
Post # 5
I agree with PPs, you should definitely invite her. If she has already complained you aren’t trying to build a relationship with her, not inviting her would be a huge slap in the face.
Before my brother married my SIL, we went through phases where we did NOT get along and I still feel horrible for putting my brother in that kind of position. I encourage you to reach out so your fiance isn’t in a similar situation!
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2015 - Country Club
My Future Sister-In-Law and I are not close either but I invited her to mine as a nice gesture but she declined the invite. I knew she would b/c I have tried multiple times to do something with her and like you and your Future Sister-In-Law we are just very different people and in different places in our lives. It would probably mean a lot to your Future Sister-In-Law to just receive the invite. Make sure she knows what you will be doing so she isn’t put in an awkward situation that she doesn’t want to be in. And that way she can’t say you didn’t try.
Post # 7
jessmm: I would invite her and if she doesn’t want to come she will decline.
I would also try to make more of an effort to spend time with her one on one. You can go over to her house and spend time with her and your future nephew/niece. You can meet for coffee or dinner and drinks in your neighborhood.
There are so many ways she can be included. Saying you are busy when you are only a few minutes away from eachother would irk me too. I get it you are in different places in your lives, but ultimately, she is going to be family. I would make sure that this relationship starts off on the right foot from the beginning as much as possible. A little effort does go a long way.
Post # 8
First, if she’s an attendant, yes. You invite her. To not invite her is very “mean girls.”
Second, she’s going to be your sister in law. Invite her.
Post # 9
Invite her and let her decide if she’s comfortable attending or not. She’ll decline if not!
Also, I don’t mean this in an unkind way at all, so please don’t take it that way — but we all assume ourselves to be busier than everyone else. (I know I am guilty of thinking my stay-at-home mom SILs are not as busy as I am, a full-time working mom.) Still, I would bet that she, as a stay-at-home mom, might think that she’s busier than you, a college student with no dependents. I’m just saying this to give you some perspective.
Post # 10
jessmm: I think if she feels you aren’t trying enough to have a relationship and she’s willing to express it, then you probably should really take that into consideration and redirect your efforts. Although I am your age, I feel the same way about my younger Future Sister-In-Law (only a year in age difference). I’m sure she would say that we’re in much different points in our life and she is busy with college and her job and friends (while I am about the finish college, settling into a stable life, and only had to work during the summers), but let’s be honest….she DOESN’T try. At ALL. I know it might feel a little weird to you to be buddy-buddy with her, but if she feels like you’re not trying, you’re probably not. The school and work isn’t an excuse.
You definitely should invite her. If she feels self-conscious, she will decline, but it’s a great opportunity to set up some one-on-one time with her at a coffee shop or her house if she doesn’t want to attend the party. Then she can’t call you out on not trying. Try to find something that is relaxing for both of you so that it can slowly become a tradition.
Post # 11
jessmm: sounds like a lot of fun. I would invite her. Sounds like a good ice breaker.
Post # 12
Invite her and let her decline if she wants. This way she can’t claim she was left out of anything.
Post # 13
I’m with everybody else – you should invite her! Let her decide if she wants to come or not.
Post # 14
My fsil invited me to her bachlorette party and at the time my fiance only dated only a year and wasnt engaged yet. So I say yes invite her to come.
Post # 15
MissJulianna: I currently work 50 hours a week and I’m taking 18 credit hours and I run an a cappella group, in the few hours of free time that I have. I don’t try, which probably does irk her, but she hasn’t tried either. While being a mom is a full-time job, she has a 1 year old that keeps her busy, but she has no friends other than my Future Mother-In-Law. She has time and could also make the effort. <br /><br />I don’t have a sister so, it’s difficult for me to know what to do here. I want to invite her and get to know her better, but I do not want her to feel uncomfortable.