(Closed) Should I invite her to my wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I invite her to wedding?
    Yes : (15 votes)
    48 %
    No : (12 votes)
    39 %
    Unsure : (4 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1329 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Invite both. Ask that they behave themselves for your sake. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    It’s your day.  I say invite her if that is what you want.

    Post # 6
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I said no. I think your mothers comfort/happiness is more important than your grandmothers. Unless you are closer with your grandmother than your mother. Inviting them both after she asked you not to and said she wouldn’t come…. Not a great idea. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Definitely invite both. 

    I had a difficult decision to make with my sister and my niece and nephew.  (My niece is 30 and nephew is 26).

    I invited my sister, her boyfriend and my niece.  I did not invite my nephew (he lives with my sister).  I thought this would be an issue for my sister.  But it turned out great because she is excited about having alone time in her hotel room with her boyfriend. 

    I did not invite my nephew because

    1) convicted of molesting a child at age 16. (my fiance’s nephews are in the wedding party and they are 7 and 10)

    2) he is emotionally draining to EVERYONE.

    3) he is emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusive to my sister and niece.

    4) becomes violent.

     

    Usually once you make a decision people will understand WHY you are doing it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Ugh that’s so frustrating! If it was possible I would say invite grandmother and not mom! I’m sorry this really is a tough one.

    Post # 11
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Oh dear, that sounds terrible. I honestly feel for you. I pretty much won’t be having any of my own family (besides my sister, her hubby & child and one Aunt) at our wedding for similar reasons. They all fight, make it their personal mission to make everyone else as miserable as they are. My parents are the worst – if they even suspectthat’s someone may be having a better time, experiencing some sort of amazing life event which is happy then they have to somehow sabotage it and turn the focus to themselves. They live 5 hours away and didn’t even come to see our daughter when she was born because we had had an argument 4 months earlier over them smoking in my house! Pathetic! 

    Anyway (sorry – got a bit side tracked!) point is, they are mean and pick fights (as do my dads parents & brother) so – none of them are invited. I just can’t be bothered & quite frankly I have no interest in subjecting the other guests to their behavior. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable on my day and I dont want anyone else who is attending to either. It was abig call but i made it. Of course it’s harder for you as your mother is contributing.

     Whatever you do it will be difficult 🙁 I’m do sorry that you have to worry about this during such a happy point in your life. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I wouldn’t invite either one.

    Really though, invite who YOU want to invite and if they both show up, ask a family member or understanding person who is aware of the situation to run interference. This is what we’ll have to do with my vindictive, spiteful mother as well :-/

    Post # 13
    Member
    805 posts
    Busy bee

    That’s a horiffic situation to be in. I feel like your options are:

    1) Pick the one you see more often and only invite that one.

    2) Pick the one you like more and only invite that one.

    3) Invite them both and hope to god your mom stays true to her word at doesn’t show (sounds unlikely from what you’ve said!).

    4) Invite them both, they both come, see if you can get someone to keep them away from each other at all times so you don’t have to see/deal with anything.

    5) Invite them both, they both come, all hell breaks loose & you’re unhappy.

    Tbh, I feel like for your own sanity on the day maybe one of the first two options will cause the least emotional fallout for you on the day.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3402 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I know there will be a lot of people who say “it’s your wedding, invite who you want!”

    And while I can agree with that sentiment to a certain point, ultimately you are going to have to live with the scene that ensues if you decide to invite both of them. Is this fair? Certainly not. But, unfortunately, we can’t control other people no matter how rude their actions can be.

    Is it worth it to you to have your grandma there if a huge scene will likely occur if you do?

    Post # 15
    Member
    2534 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Jeez, when you describe your mother like that I wouldn’t send an invite to your mom!

    Can you speak with your grandmother about this? Maybe she and your mother can come to an agreement to act like adults for just one day. But I don’t think you should broker that – I don’t even think you should attempt to.
    It is what it is. Unfortunately.

    I think after you get married, you should begin distancing yourself from your mom. If she’s a person who intentionally makes you cry, that’s too much of a toxic influence in your life (and your marriage). I don’t think you need that.

    By the way, if you think mom is going to cause drama on your big day, “assign” someone to her (someone who can keep her level and calm) for the day to make sure she stays in line… and to make sure she keeps away from you if she starts something!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Invite who you want. Sit down again with your mom and emphasize the fact that this is your wedding, and you deserve one day of a little cooporation. Do the same with your grandmother.

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