Should I invite HER to SO's surprise "housewarming" party?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

That’s tough. If it I wasn’t a surprise I would absolutely defer to SO & ask what his opinion is but obv you can’t…but does he WANT to reconcile with her & be friends? Or is he fine maintaining a distance from her?

Post # 3
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If you want to extend the olive branch, make sure your SO is cool with it first. Also be aware you’d be bringing someone negative and hostile back into your life after your SO has successfully distanced himself from her, for what reason I’m not clear on – you feel sorry for her? I would probably not invite her, but if you decide to, I would definitely make sure your SO is on board before you do.

 

EDIT: didn’t read closely enough to catch that this is meant to be a surprise. Is your SO the type that likes surprises? You’re not doing this in his home, are you? I’d still steer clear, but maybe you can ask him casually how he’s feeling about this friend and gauge his reaction.

Post # 5
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

This is a definite no for me. If she’s been disrespectful towards your relationship and doesn’t like that you and SO are together, then why continue to invite her into your lives? Also, it sounds like her and your SO aren’t as close recently, so this sounds like a good time to make a seperation and leave her in the past. Besides, if she’s a wildcard and you’re not sure how she will behave…no way. Don’t invite any potential trouble, even if it is a big crowd that would shut her down!

Post # 7
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This all depends on how close your SO actually is to her. If they only speak occasionally and only hang out because it’s unavoidable (re: coworker dinners), then I’d say skip the invite. If she has really caused so many issues in your relationship, I think being the bigger person means both you and your SO accepting that perhaps she may be a little toxic at this stage in your lives and relationship, and inviting her may only end up rubbing salt in some wounds.

I understand wanting to be civil, but maybe that just isn’t possible if she’s as miserable a person as you say. Please don’t feel like you have to be the “cool” girlfriend who is okay with everything. If she really is as problematic as you say, then it really is okay to have some boundaries and not be comfortable with having her around.

Post # 9
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

I’m not a woman with a big heart. I can’t handle having a woman who had been harbouring feelings for my SO. So I won’t invite her…..

Post # 11
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
KatzeB :  same here. I mean, if you can be the bigger person then that’s great but I personally couldn’t do it either.

EDIT: saw your update. After seeing that I absolutely would not invite her. She sounds completely disrespectful of your relationship.

Post # 12
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
gagal2016 :  Given your update, I would absolutely not invite her. And I would have a discussion about it with my SO as well. It is good that he’s wary of her and he understands the potential for issues to arise with her, but I think you two need to be on the same page regarding how to deal with her, because it doesn’t seem like you really have anything in place – it’s just “Oh, she’s being weird again. That’s creepy,” and it gets dropped. No, you can’t control her actions, but your SO can very much deter her. Anything weird like the social media posts, etc. would equal automatic deletion from those areas of my life. I don’t have any tolerance for disrespect for my relationship.

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Oh, the hell with her. Don’t invite her. Why would you want to bring down her wrath for another round of craziness? 

No one has to be so nice that they invite this back into their lives. Bullshit don’t invite her.

Post # 15
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
gagal2016 :  Don’t invite her.  You guys have distanced yourselves from her, and she sounds not stable from your descriptions.

Inviting her would only reopen the door, and reignite the drama, which doesn’t seem like it would lead to anywhere positive for anyone.  It also seems like mixed messages to your SO.

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