Should I invite HER to SO's surprise "housewarming" party?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see any reason to invite her, even without her crazy behavior. She’s not a close friend anymore. If she was a part of a core group of friends and inviting everyone but her would be seen a snub amongst his close friends, I could maybe see inviting her, but it sounds like that’s not the case here. Nothing is to be gained by inviting her, so I’d give that a hard no in your shoes.

Post # 17
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I wouldn’t. 

She can be invited to some other event if he wants. His drama to deal with, not yours.

Post # 18
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Something else to consider here OP- and truly, I don’t suspect this of you at all, but it’s possible this overture will be perceived by her as a chance to lord your relationship with your SO over her. It may be taken as less of an honest friendly overture/white flag and more of a “come see how happy me and MY boyfriend are, sad little woman”. It may make her more hostile to you, not less.

 

(I really don’t think this is why you’re doing it, just to be clear). But she sounds unstable and already has a problem with you. Your boyfriend has told her to respect his boundaries and ignores her/shuts her down when she tries to cross them. I’d leave well enough alone.

Post # 20
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gagal2016 :  Hey there OP 🙂 I feel you on the weird female friend that you are not comfortable with front and I am sorry you are dealing with it.

I commend your efforts to be the bigger person, but I don’t think you should be in this situation. This female friend has made her bed with you, from what I’m hearing. I think it would be a more pleasant time overall if you did not invite her.

FWIW, I think you should have a separate, serious conversation with your honey and ask him to block her. It sounds like she doesn’t respect your place in his life at all and that, while he’s not engaging her, he’s enabling her behavior by being present. I think it’s time to cut ties and be acquaintences in social situations where she has to be there too.

Post # 21
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
gagal2016 :  don’t invite her unless you’re also inviting mutual friends where it wouldn’t be obvious that you’re excluding her. Excluding her could be seen as petty or mean. But if she is only friends with your Fiance then it doesn’t make sense to invite her. 

Post # 24
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

If she’s caused issues in your relationship, ignored boundaries, and still has never made an apology and shown changes then…no, I would not invite her. 

I also would not invite her without your SO’s clear consent into opening that door again. So, if you can’t tell him because the surprise, then it’s a no. The decision should be mutual between you so clearly this isn’t the event to decide that. 

Post # 25
Member
566 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t invite her.

Post # 26
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gagal2016 :  Done deal! I’ll keep an eye out for it 🙂

Post # 27
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I think you’re being very considerate by thinking of inviting her, but I would not.  She does not respect your relationship and she is not going to magically accept it if she decides to come.  She’ll prob just take a selfie with your SO and use it as her profile pic.  I would be super annoyed.

Post # 29
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I wouldn’t invite her if I were you. 

Post # 30
Member
700 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t invite ANYONE anywhere if they were texting my SO 20, 30 or 40 times in a row anytime of the day. 

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