- 3 years ago
No. Do not invite her.
No. Do not invite her.
Maybe think of it this way- be kind to her by letting her get on with her life without you guys being part of it. She has to move on and you inviting her does not help her achieve this.
There are lots of different ways to be kind. Your partner needs to understand this as well. He probably thinks his friendship is a kind of support for her but it is cruel to her if she can’t get past him. She has problems she needs to work on. Let her go.
Just don’t invite her. She doesn’t respect your relationship….I‘m not sure why this is even an issue.
Thank y’all so much. I think it’s definitely a HARD no. I think that’s what my gut was telling me…but I always want to see the best in others and am guilty of giving people too many chances after they’ve wronged me. Thanks for your honesty!
My ex-bf had a female “friend” like this, who wasn’t very respectful to me or our relationship. I had a bad feeling about her after hanging out with her a few times, but agreed that we could go to her birthday bar crawl anyway. She ended up separating my ex from the group and kissed him and caused me to have a horrible panic attack because both their phones died and nobody could locate either of them for a good half hour.
Not saying this specific worst-case scenario will necessarily happen to you, but even if nothing happens, you will probably be on edge all night anticipating something to go wrong. Don’t put yourself through that kind of stress. If your SO has already distanced himself from her a bit, it sounds like it’s better for all parties involved to just maintain that distance. DO NOT INVITE HER!
No. Your party – you get who to invite.
If he thinks SO want to invite her to his party, then he can consult it with you because you are the troubled one by her here. He can do the olive branch with your permission.
edit: I read your update that you want to see the best in person. I get that and I want it too, but I don’t want to do it in event that can have that person use it against me later on (she thinks she is forgiven/closer now, hence she have a chance again if she want to do it)
There seems to be a lot of drama surrounding both of your relationships with this person: he has to tell her to respect your relationship, she texts 30-40 times in a row, he still doesn’t block her, you agonize over inviting her to a party. Isn’t this a little too much time and attention to spend on a third party? The solution is not to “make her” respect your relationship or mend fences or test if she can be civil. Why? After it became clear that this wasn’t a real friend, what more was there to do but civily cut off contact. If she helped him after his accident, then he owes her a sincere thank you, but no more.
SO doesn’t like cutting people off. He’s friends (or friendly) with all his exes – even his crazy ex lol. He may not be their BFF, but he never wants to have to completely burn a bridge. I’ve told him from day one I don’t understand this. He has always said he feels sorry for his female friend and that she has been through so much he feels a bit guilty when he tries to fully cut ties. My answer? She’s manipulating him and knows exactly what she’s doing.
I really admire your maturity in considering her, but this is a big NOPE from me. You and your relationship is your number one priority xo
If this is meant to be a smaller get together with close friends, I’d say that this woman doesn’t fit the bill – all the drama she causes aside. If you haven’t seen her since 2016 and your SO has only seen her a handful of times over the summer because she has been attending events that he is also attending, she’s no longer a close friend – she’s an acquaintance at best. Then throw in all the drama she’s caused over the years and it becomes clear that this woman has no place at any event you guys host. I wouldn’t invite her and I wouldn’t feel even the slightest ounce of guilt about it.
If it is her, well. No. That will just hurt your feelings more!
Both of these people are hard nos.
I harken back to one of OP’s earlier postings. She is being misled by Mom into buying into the ‘kill them with kindness’ strategy. Being kind is one thing. Self sabotage is quite another. Mom doesn’t always know best.
As for keeping your enemies closer—that can be quite dangerous if your enemy has a grenade. Sometimes, you’re far better off putting as much distance as possible between yourself and your enemy.
Inviting this loon makes zero sense. Having a bf who likes to stay in contact with crazy exes is a separate issue that should probably be explored.
I agree I probably don’t protect myself enough. It just physically nauseates me anytime she reaches out, posts a picture, or sees my SO even if all those things are minimal now. I guess because of past issues it just still makes my stomach churn and I feel on the outside of something. I know I’m partly being irrational. My SO has done a lot to assure me that I am his top priority and that I have no reason to worry over her. I suppose it’s counterproductive to invite her to anything though if my real dream come true would be for her to completely vanish from our lives for good. I just need to continue pretending she doesn’t exist.
sometimes as women we’ve been so trained to be nice when we feel threatened or angry that we silence that inner voice. You need to read Gavin de Becker The Gift of Fear.
When you get that instinct to get away from someone, honor it. You have that right. It doesn’t have to make sense and you aren’t saying it’s her fault. What it is, is your choice. And you have that right.