Should I invite HER to SO's surprise "housewarming" party?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 64
Member
10003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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gagal2016 :  

I have a friend who can’t   seem to totally let go of anyone he’s known or been SO’s with  or even married to ( his first wife  came to his second  wedding(!)  draped in widow’s   weeds with her face averted from the proceedings  ) .

It not a trait to enable imho, it has cost him and his partners dear and I can’t see it doing  you much good either .  So no, not an invitation worthy person  to my mind, and I’d work on the blocking aspect too.   

Post # 66
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10003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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gagal2016 :  

Yes, the ex came – it was in a public park  so hard to exclude her . But he would have wanted her there I  think. He is a lovely man but can’t let go of anyone.

Would you  be surprised to know   his second marriage failed and he sees her all the time , even though she is  married again, also unhapppily . Not sure about the first wife, wouldn’t surprise me if they still had coffee at least,  from time to  time.

Just be careful and   be aware that it is not just her refusing to let go , but also, to some extent,  your SO too.  

Post # 67
Member
11297 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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BalletParker :  

I’ll co-sign the Gift of Fear, excellent book.

You are so right.  Women are killed by their own niceness.  We allow ourselves to engage with strangers to whom we owe no obligation of politeness.  How many times have any of us stopped to answer some strange man’s request for directions or the time or anything else?  And put ourselves within easy grabbing distance. We should never have slowed our pace, let alone stopped.

Spend some time watching ID, it can be most enlightening.  Try to pick off the number of mistakes women make in the name of “niceness” that seal their own fates.

OP, you do not have to sacrifice yourself on the altar of niceness.  You owe this woman nothing.

Post # 68
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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sassy411 :  oh, girl!!! I’m watching ID right now lol. Plus, you and I both have war stories that are alarming enough. 

Being nice can be deadly. 

 

Post # 70
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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gagal2016 :  hi there, I came over here to check this out after reading your comment re: boundaries with SO’s etc. One of my very close freinds shared something with me once that really stuck with me to this day, (this was a few years ago), “If you feel sorry for someone, soon you will feel sorry for yourself”. 

I would only invite her for the sole purpose of being the bigger person and looking good in front of the other party goers. If anything, you will come out on top. 

But please remember what my friend shared with me. Do not feel sorry for her. We are all in control of our own destinies, we choose to get up in the morning with a smile on our faces, or a shitty attitude. Good luck!

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