Post # 1
Sorry for re-posting, just wanted to add a poll and hope to get some more feedback! This is stressing me out way more than any other wedding decision so far 🙁
I have a relative who I was close with as a child/teen. In the last 10 years we usually speak once a year or so. She got married a few years ago without telling anyone, and I found out along with the rest of the family and congratulated her! A few days after we got engaged last year, I left her a voicemail letting her know the good news.
Long story short, she called a week later, and after a few odd comments finally told me she was offended that I hadn’t asked her to be one of my bridesmaids (as a side note, she also asked my finance’s name during this chat!), because “we’re like sisters.” She said she would just get a dress the same colour as my bridesmaids and “get in the pictures anyway.” She later ignored a few emails from me and deleted me from a social networking site (only to add me back later).
I was really upset about the whole thing, and now don’t know if we should even invite her. My fiance thinks if she’s there, I’ll just worry that she’ll try to cause a scene or upset me somehow (she can definitely be a trouble-maker, but I’d like to think she wouldn’t do that!). I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but really don’t know what to do!!
Our invites are in the mail, I’m running out of time to make this decision. Any advice?? Please help!
Post # 3
You say she’s a relative, but can you be more specific? Is she a cousin whose siblings and parents are going to be invited? If the answer is yes then I would probably say you should invite her (trust me, you won’t have time to worry about her on the day). If she’s a more distant cousin and you’re not inviting anyone else at that level of closeness, then I think it’s safer to not invite her! Sounds really tricky to me, good luck!
Post # 4
She’s my father’s sister’s daughter, and her mom and mom’s bf are invited (not because I’m close to them, but because we invited all my parents’ siblings… another story!). We didn’t invite all cousins at the same level of closeness, only the ones I know / am close to.
Had this not happened, I definitely would have invited her. She’s always been kind of a trouble-maker in our family and I’ve always been the one to stand by her or try to see her side of things… at least I was, 10 years ago!
Post # 5
she didnt even invite you to her wedding, she deleted you off the social network site.. and now she is trying to join your bridesmaids? why are you even wasting time worrying about her. i wouldnt even invite her to be honest, because i dont want her showing up and acting like she is one of the bridesmaids.. otherwise i would invite her n politely [but firmly] tell her that cannot wear the same color as the maids
Post # 6
Thank you for your input everyone! I think I’m going to stick with not inviting her. I need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and if she’s offended by this and asks for an explanation, I’ll just be honest. If she doesn’t understand… well, there isn’t much I can do about that.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite her. She has no respect for you (and is not afraid to say it with the various comments and actions she has made) so you are not obligated in any way to invite her. The fact that she is related to you also does obligate you to invite her.
Post # 8
I agree that she is probably going to cause you more stress if you invite her. She doesn’t seem to have any respect for you – why would she ask to be bridesmaid (or a pseudo-BM in a similar dress!) and later go on to ignore you and delete you off her friends list? Strange…I would not invite her so you don’t have to worry about her being distracting or causing drama at your wedding.
Post # 9
There’s a couple things that put me in the “yes, invite her” group.
1) You invited all the cousins of the same level… you kind of have to unless you really want to close the door on ever having any type of relationship with her again.
2) I’m of the mind that you should always take the hig road. Yes, she’s kind of being a crazy Biotch, but that doesn’t mean you should be one back. If you invite her, and she doesn’t come, it’s her regrets. If you don’t invite her, you’ll probably feel baad later.
Post # 10
@stephk23: Ahhhh, I think you’re right, and that’s why I’ve been so bothered by this whole thing. One day I make the decision not to invite her and to stick with it, then later I start thinking that regardless of how awful she is, I don’t want to do something to hurt her.
AND yesterday I got an email from her (haven’t heard from her in 8 months) and all it said was “Here’s my new address, husband and I bought a house!” and then the address.
I’ve never mailed her anything in my life, so obviously she’s sending it for the wedding invite. We sent our invites at the end of June with an RSVP date of August 31, so I’m sure her mom told her she received one.
We have a few printed without the RSVP date, so I think I may just send her one of those in a few weeks. If she does attend, my BMs will try to make sure she doesn’t cause a scene… but I’ve seen her be pretty dramatic at other events, I’m not sure how they could stop her if that’s what she wanted to do.
This is such a pain in the a**!!! Thanks for your input Bees, and for letting me vent and waffle about on this!