(Closed) Should I invite my bio father?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1954 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you should do what you and your fiance comfortable with. Personally, I wouldn’t care about other people’s reactions. It seems like you have a relationship with him now to an extent, so would you feel guilty if he was not invited? Just because you invite him doesn’t mean that he has to play the traditional role of “father of the bride” such as walking you down the aisle or the father daughter dance. You are the only one that can make this decision, but I think not inviting a parent is a really big decision so I would put a lot of thought about what YOU (and your fiance) want. If you want a relationship with him in the future, will not inviting him hinder that? Just a few things to consider. 

Post # 6
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

I really don’t have advice on what you should do or not because it’s such a personal decision, but I’ll give you a little insight on me inviting my dad…

My parents divorced when I was 11. We kept in touch and had visitations with my dad until I was about 15ish maybe? That’s when he moved away to Arizona with his 3rd wife. We (me and my 3 other siblins) basically didn’t talk to him much except for a handful of times a year and he barely talked to my siblings at all. Needless to say, the relationship went very sour. Then I got engaged. As we were planning the wedding, I decided I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle. My mom wasn’t happy with that at all (they didn’t get along and still dont).

I’ll admit that I kind of had alternate intentions. I had really, really hoped that by inviting my dad and having him walk me down the aisle (it would also be the first time we saw him in 6 years), it would magically fix things and would just be a 2nd chance for things to be normal again (with him and me and my siblings I mean, not my mom. I knew that wasn’t salvagable). So, I invited him. He barely showed up. I had to pay for his flight out because of his excuses. But I still had hope. Things were showing promise. He was keeping in better touch. On the actual day of the wedding, things felt great. My parents didn’t even say anything mean to each other! (sad that my expectations were so low, I know). After the wedding, my dad even said some nice things about my mom which was the first time he had anything nice to say about her since the divorce.

but, things eventually went back to how they were. I haven’t heard from him since maybe August or so with more excuses.

 

so, I just want to say, that if you’re hoping it will “fix things” and make for a fresh start, it probably won’t so don’t get your hopes up. Worth a shot, but it may not be a reality. Of course that may not be your case at all, but just felt I should mention it just incase.

Post # 7
Member
1954 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Well, if you are comfortable having him there, and he is comfortable being there, I think that is what you should focus on. It’s sort of inevitable that if he is in your life now, he will have some sort of interaction with your mom’s family (I’m assuming these are the people you are concerned about insulting or upsetting?) I think if you explain your feelings to those in your family that might be bothered by your father’s presence, they should be respectful enough to keep their distance. 

Post # 8
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think your mom is simply being a mom – she is trying to protect you from whatever she feels might turn out to be a negative experience for you. And as every mom would, she will probably accept your decision, even if it is one that she is uncomfrotable with. At the end, he is your dad and you would like to have him there – I don’t think it will matter what others think. You don’t want to walk down the isle regreting that you excluded your dad for the sake of others. On the other hand, if you know him well enough to know that his presence will just cause you more bad than good, than you might want to think twice about inviting him. I think it all comes down to what you really feel is the right thing to do.

I have a similar situation in the sense that I have to invite my fiance’s dad, who in turn is not welcome by any of my fiance’s family members (he basically left his family and started a new one with another woman). However, he is his father and it is important for the both of us that he ibe there. All we can do is try to help everyone put petty drama aside for that one day and hope it will work! At the end it comes down to the fact that we can’t imagine our big day without his dad being a part of it.

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