(Closed) Should I invite my dad?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

give him a last minute invite. he will be a disinguished guest

Post # 4
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I feel for you. I have a somewhat similar problem, but the background story is a little different. Warning you now–It’s a long and convoluted story.

My mom and dad separated when I was 10, but they’re only now finalizing their divorce (LONG story–but they’ve lived separately most of my life). My dad had another kid, and he had a wedding with another woman (not legally married, b/c of ongoing divorce proceedings, but my dad didn’t invite me to the ceremony but told my step mother that he had). I’ve always had a rocky relationship with him (I didn’t even know my younger half brother existed until he was four, and we lived in the same city!), and I’ve only seen him twice in the past 6 5 years. Once was for my college graduation, and once two years ago to meet his fiance and her daughters. 

I decided a long time ago that my mom would walk me down the aisle. My mom raised me and she  is an amazing parent. If anyone gets the honor of “giving me away” it’s her. But now I’ve been wrestling with inviting my dad. I really like my stepmom and her daughters, so I’d like to have them there. I also want my little brother there (he’s seven and lives with his mom), so it makes sense to invite my dad. The problem is that I don’t want him to feel badly that he’s not participating in any other way than just being an ordinary guest. i shouldn’t feel badly about, since if he wanted those duties, he should’ve been more involved in my life, but I do. 

The point is, despite everything–he is my dad. Maybe I have hope that one day, however unlikely, he’ll realize that I’m a pretty good person and he’s missing out on having me as a daughter. And when I have kids, I want them to know their grandpa. I feel like if I don’t extend the invitation, that’s the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. I’ll have to have a conversation explaining that he won’t be doing the traditional “Dad” things at the wedding, and that’ll be awkward, but at least I’m offering him the chance to be there. 

I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I think it comes down to what you can live with. Maybe, if you talk to him over dinner with your fiance or something, and explain that you want him there to witness this milestone, then he’ll be on good behavior. Maybe it won’t make a difference, but at least you made an effort. It’s up to him at that point. 

Post # 5
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Whoops, 6 years, not 65. 

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