- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
My parents separated in 2008, shortly before my fiance and I started dating. Their divorce became final this year, all the delays being due to my dad making things harder. For the most part I have tried really hard to be neutral but he will decide I’m not doing enough for him and bitch me out, so I will take a break from talking to him. Then when he needs something he will be all nice until it doesn’t go exactly his way.
Given all of this, I decided a year or two ago, before I was even engaged, that if I ever got married I would rather have my two brothers walk me down the aisle. Now I am getting married in September and that is still the plan. Even if I was currently on good terms with my dad I don’t think I could trust him to be there on time to walk me down the aisle.
Currently we aren’t speaking, The last time I saw him I was doing him a favor helping him move stuff out of the family home that was getting sold, he pitched a fit because my brother an I wouldn’t let him just walk through and take whatever he wanted. According to the court my mom was in posession of the house and he had specifically asked for her not to be there when he picked up his stuff, so we really had no power to give him what he wanted. All we said was you’ll have to clear that with mom, it’s not up to us, and he flew into a rage and said we aren’t his kids and he never wants to speak to us again.
So I’m now debating whether to invite him at all. Even if I invite him I don’t know that he’ll come, because he’s previously said that it would be too painful for him to witness marriage vows when his were broken (of course he takes no responsibility for that, it’s all someone else’s fault) Also he has said that he doesn’t support my mairriage because he doesn’t know my fiance well enough (again, that’s on him, My fiance has been with me almost every time I’ve seen my dad in the last 5 years and he’s basically been ignored, plus he was around for years before we got together since he was friends with my brother)
Basically I’m afraid that if I invite him, he will come and make a scene and make me feel awful. Of course he can’t ruin the whole day because it’s not about him, but I just don’t think I need that drama. Or if I don’t invite him he will use it against me for the rest of his life and he will blame the fact that we will never have a good relationship all on me, again instead of recognizing his own problems.
Anyone have any advice? Or a similar situation?