(Closed) Should I invite my estranged mother?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

In your case I wouldn’t. 

I didn’t invite my drug addict alcoholic father who I also knew would make a scene. No one questioned it, and IDGAF if it broke his heart. 

Post # 3
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I wouldn’t. Maybe send her a “marriage announcement” after the fact, but don’t invite drama to your wedding.

Post # 4
5052 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
spookybride :  

I was very worried that my mother would cause a scene or some kind of drama at the wedding. I have been in what I call “conditional contact” with her for a few years now. This means that she sees me occasionally if she’s stable (hers is mental illness, not so much drugs). If she’s not stable, I don’t come around.

As soon as we started planning, I told some trusted family and friends that I was to have zero drama on our wedding day. None. I said it in front of my mother as well but I didn’t confront her about it. I think due to my conditional contact, she knew I meant business. I have boundaries that have been established for years and she knows that I don’t entertain her shenanigans when she goes off the rails. I think due to that, she knew to be on her best behavior.

There was some drama, of course, but I didn’t find out about it until a week later, so my rules were a success.

Do not feel obligated to have your mother in your life. If her presence causes you more toxicity and pain than it does happiness, you either limit contact or cut her out completely.

I suggest not making a decision now. I would wait and see where this tentative relationship is going (though she sounds unstable still). Maybe she will disappear and you won’t have to worry about it. Or maybe she won’t and things have been ok so you aren’t worried about her during the wedding. Or, you have family and friends be on the lookout for any problems and they can hustle her out of there.

Your relationship is 100% up to you. If you can’t have her in your life, you don’t have to have her in your life.

Post # 5
45 posts
  • Wedding: May 2019

Maybe invite her to have a special dinner with you and your new husband after? But no, I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding. 

Post # 6
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

You should not feel guilty over this. Don’t invite her. Your wedding day will be a lot happier if you don’t have to constantly worry if your mom is behaving or when she’ll cause a scene. She lost the privilege to attend your wedding when she abandoned you years ago, and has not redeemed it from stopping her drug use or drama pot stirring.

Don’t invite her. Don’t tell her where or when it is, and don’t let her ruin your wedding day because she forced herself to be relevant again (when it suited her).

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