Post # 1
Hi Bees, This is a very hard thing for my to ask advice about. My Dads Mom (who I call Oma) and I have always had a complicated relationship with. From the time I was little she was constantly trying to compete with my Grandma to be better then her even down to the point of asking her what she got me for my 7th birthday and then she went and bought the exact same thing and pulled me aside and gave me her gift first. I rarely see my Dad because he is into drugs and is a alcoholic. He was never around when I was a kid and owed over 100k in child support. He knows all my info and where I live and still never tries to get ahold of me. When my Omas second grandchild came into the picture she stop seeing me as much and saw me maybe only once a year. We live about a hour plan ride apart. Eventually it got to the point for about 5 years where she would come into town and not even tell me she was here. I saw my Oma and Grandpere about 3 weeks before my y great grandma passed away ( Her Mom). Her and I were very close. My oma messaged me by email to tell me she died and when the funeral service would be. I showed up with my Grandma. As we were walking in a limo pulls up. My cousin, Uncle, Dad, Oma and her NEW boyfriend get out of it. She did not even aknowledged me. I went to talk to my Dad because I had not see him for over 3 years and she is like NO don’t talk to him and proceeded to say my Dad was to sit beside her not with me. I did not even get to sit with any of them. Then they all went out for lunch after and did not even invite me. They just said bye and left. Before I know it a couple weeks later she is married to this new boyfriend and had obviously left my grandpere. I of course was not invited to her wedding, but everyone else was. She said she did not invite me cause it was her day and she did not want me to cause issues. Then she had this big party up at her house and again everyone was invited but me. When I tried to talk to her about it she was like my husband invited everyone so I can not control that he did not invite you. I have tried talking to her about this many time and explain that all these things really hurt me. I have tried mending things multiple times and she just defends herself and says shes the victim. Now I am at the point of sending out my wedding invites and I really do not want to cause more issues. I am worried if I invite her she will try to act like we are so close, and if I don’t make sure she and her new husband have special “grandparent” treatment she will cause issues. And I am afraid that if I do not invite her that will never fix things. Advice please?
Post # 2
She sounds like a real peach! clearly that side of the family have issues that go wayyy beyond you, and personally, I wouldn’t invite her to my wedding. If ever there is a time to let go of bad relationships- now would be it. If she dares open her foul mouth to say anything you can just tell her about all of the times you were not invited to any of her events and tell her how at this point you think its for the best.
Nothing good will come out of continuing a relationship with her. Shes a toxic person that gets satisfaction out of hurting others. Nothing you attempt to do will ever fix her. Shes a broken person.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
You don’t get to choose your family, unfortunately. But, they will expect to be included. I think you should invite her and treat her equal to your other grandmother. Its not worth causing issues over.
Post # 4
It sounds like a relationship not worth having. That is so sad! So rare with grandparents. I would skip the drama and not invite her.
Post # 5
What a nasty old wretch. She’s been either absent or deliberately malicious to you for most of your life. She doesn’t get to speak to you, much less get an invitation to your wedding, and if that chaps her ass she can complain to her ain’t-shit son.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite her. She will cause problems regardless of what you do. So you might as well enjoy your day and not have her taint what should be a happy memory. There’s no point in keeping toxic people in your life. She didn’t invite you to her wedding. You owe her nothing. What’s the point in trying to fake a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about you?
Post # 7
I’m a pretty firm believer that you have the right to have people at your wedding that you want to celebrate with, and nothing more.
Post # 8
I also called my Dad’s mom Oma so my immediate reaction before I read everything was of course you should invite her, she’s your Oma! By the time I got to the point where you said she got married and didn’t invite or tell you it’s obvious to me that she doesn’t deserve to be invited. If she get’s upset about it then just point out that you weren’t invited to hers so it’s only fair. She obviously no longer wants to be a part of your life.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2015 - Tuscany Falls Banquet Hall
It is your day so do what will make you happy. Not what will make her happy. If she is going to cause issues by being there, then do not invite her. It sounds like she has proven time after time that she did not care if you were there for special life events so why should you care.
Post # 10
No, I would not invite her. If my grandma wasn’t an only child, I would think your grandma was that bitch’s sister. I’ve lost both of my parents and I am my dad’s parents ONLY grandchild (I’m an only child and so was my dad). I have not talked to either one of my dad’s parents (they’ve been divorced like 40 years) since the day we buried him, which was May 2008. I had just turned 16 at the time so they have missed a lot. And it’s their fault. My grandma even watched me get into a wreck and walked circles around me while the cops and wrecker were there, but never once asked if I was okay. With horrible, toxic people like this, you just have to say screw it, and don’t give a shit about including them. I would defintely cut your losses and quit trying to talk to her, much less invite her to your wedding.
Post # 11
I’m not inviting my grandmother. Long story short: she’s entitled, rude, and makes everything about her. My parents recently had a falling out with her and DO NOT want to see her ever. So she’s not coming to my wedding, I want nothing but happiness at my wedding. No family bitterness allowed.
Post # 12
Nope, granny needs to stay home. And frankly, I’d stop trying with that side of the family completely.
My dad is a low-life scum bag and I hate him. I haven’t seen him since I was 15 – at my grandmother’s funeral. My grandmother died from cancer – that I had no idea she even had. My dad caused his entire family to exile my sister and I because of the divorce. When I first started reading your post I was going to go on about how my grandma is gone…cherish the time.. don’t let your relationship with your dad interfere.. but Oma seems to be the issue here.
Would you want to risk her ruining your day? Evidentally she already feels ill towards you so it’s not like hurting her feelings should make you upset. She doesn’t seem to care about your feelings..
Post # 13
dont invite her. Now would be the time to cut out any bad ties.
And if she asks why wasnt she invited, you give her the same response she gave you, that it was your day and you didnt want her to cause issues. Give her a taste of her own medicine.