(Closed) Should I invite my siblings? Help please!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
3080 posts
Sugar bee

If you’re having a large wedding, you probably can’t get out of inviting them (and hoping they don’t attend). If you’re having a small wedding, I would think you don’t have to invite them, since you’re not close to them. Invite people who are happy to see you get married and celebrate with you, only.

Post # 3
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you want to have any relationship with their children, I think you have to invite them.

Post # 4
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s hard for me to give you advice because I cannot imagine this situation. 

I do think that not inviting them will create more drama than it’s worth, and you’ll definitely risk losing your relationship with your nieces and nephews. So I would just invite all of your siblings.

It sounds to me like deep down you wish you had a better relationship with your siblings–that’s why this upsets you and you get into crying fights. If you don’t invite them, the relationships have almost no chance of improving. 

Post # 5
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

They sound like assholes. I wouldn’t invite them. To me, family holds priority only if they also respect you and treat you in a dignified manner. I don’t think that people should be able to get away with being hurtful and callous simply by virtue of sharing similar DNA. Nor do they deseve any entitlements such as wedding invitations, gifts, favours etc. 

Having said that, if you don’t invite them and they get butthurt, they may very well limit your contact with your nieces/nephews. That would suck…. but, I personally would bite the bullet on that one and accept seeing them less often because there are very few things to me that are worth putting up with toxic people in my life. But everyone is different and you have to do the weighing of possible outcomes for yourself.

Also, mothers will almost always say to invite siblings/family members. They have an inclination to ‘keep the family together’ and often see their own children differently from a mother’s perspective, than you do as a sibling.  

Post # 6
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

At least some of them sound like jerks (although I can’t see “my brother didn’t bother remembering my boyfriend’s name for a couple months when we started dating” as a big deal – why would he, in the very beginning?). I’m generally against feeling obligated to invite toxic family to weddings if you think they’re going to cause a scene or make you miserable. BUT, if you want to have a relationship with their kids, you can’t freeze them out. Suck it up, invite them, appoint a bridesmaid to intercept/distract them if they try to bother you.

Post # 9
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
AliceMAL:  If they were cousins or some sort of extended family, I would say no. But they are your siblings. So I would invite then and let them make the decusion to come or not. 

Post # 10
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s sucks how they have treated you. I’m sorry 🙁 You are certainly entitled to invite who you like to your wedding, but realize by doing so you are likely choosing to cut them out of your life forever. If there is any part of you that wants to mend the relationships in the future then I would invite them. You say you love your nieces and nephews, so I would invite your siblings for their sake. I think if you exclude your siblings they may not be so keen to have their children around you anymore. Are you planning to have children in the future? Do you want them to have a relationship with their cousins? These are all really important things to consider and realize that your decision now may impact these future relationships. And you never know…. When/if you have children and grow older you may have more in common with them resulting in a closer relationship.

Also, if you choose not to invite them it is bound to be noticed at your wedding. I personally would not want my wedding day to turn into a gossip-fest about my family drama. I understand you need to take a stand and call your siblings out on their shit, but your wedding day may not be the best time/place to do it.

Post # 11
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My wedding is immediate family only and my brother is not invited, but my sister is. I don’t feel bad, and your shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t invite them. Life is too short to have people in your life who don’t care for you deeply. 

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