(Closed) should I invite my Uncle?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ooo. Tough. I want to say no, because you don’t know him and it might cause family drama. On the other hand, they are friendlier again, and it might be a nice reconciliation. Although I don’t know that your wedding is the greatest place for you all to meet up again.

If you think it’ll cause any drama at your wedding, No. If you think he can attend and things will be smooth, maybe it’s ok to invite him. My aunt invited her boyfriend whom none of us have ever met before (boyfriend number 200 so, um, yeah) and he was very nice and friendly. It was strange to be all, "oh hi, nice to meet you. i’m the bride" though. All in all, you’ll be so busy it might be nice for your uncle to be there with your dad. Money does awful things to family though, doesn’t it? We have some of that in our family, too, and it just makes me kinda sick to know why so and so is estranged from so and so. 

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would probably say no.  It’s a tough situation all around.  Understanding that you want your father to feel comfortable at your wedding, it sounds like you’re having a pretty intimate affair and you wouldn’t want to feel awkward at your own wedding because a famiyl member whom you don’t know very well is in attendance.  I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong answer.  Just ask yourself, two weeks, a month, etc. after the wedding, are you going to regret your decision?  No matter what choice you come to, as long as it’s something you can live with, you’ll be fine.

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s fair for you to say no because you are paying so you don’t have to let family members guilt you into adding people to the list you don’t want. Also you are clearly the farthest thing from close with him and just because he’s family doesn’t mean an automatic invite in my book. I also agree that it is not a really good place for him and your dad to reconnect. They need to deal with their relationship on their own time, not use your wedding as an excuse to reconnect. It’s your day in the end and if it is going to cause drama or make people uncomfortable then forget it.

Post # 6
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Maybe you could offer your dad to invite someone else in stead … tell him that you feel like it might be uncomfortable since you haven’t seen your uncle in so long … maybe another couple that your dad and his Girlfriend are friendly with — it would still be someone you don’t know but it would be someoen who would make your dad and his gf more comfortable adn you could say "Nice to meet someone who is so important to my dad and *girlfriend*"

Post # 7
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Could you reunite with him before the wedding?  Then decide based on how you feel afterwards?

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think you should follow your heart, but I think in someway you would like to invite him, otherwise it would be a no brainer and you wouldn’t need to ask this question…

Post # 10
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

My vote is to invite him. I understand there’s a lot of bad blood between your family, but I love hearing stories where families come together and mend their differences. Because this is your dad’s only ask (at least the way you’re presenting it, it seems that way), I would invite him to make him feel more comfortable. I know you said he quickly makes friends, but this might help out with his comfort, and you most likely don’t have to talk to your uncle that much if there are 100 other people there.

Just my 2 cents. Your family circumstances might be so bad that you are leaning towards not inviting him, and I think your dad would be ok with that too. It was nice of him to ask you if he could rather than insisting that you should which is was a lot of parents are known for doing!

Good luck in your decision!

Post # 11
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I say no. While your father may be using your wedding as an excuse to make amends with his brother, I think that your wedding is your wedding. Don’t let him coerce you into making your wedding about him and his issues. It would be a completely different story if you liked your uncle or were close to him, but since you are not, concentrate on enjoying your special day

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh tatrifon i really feel for you, I personally would say no to your Dad, if you don’t mind me saying, here is my similar issue;

 I am not inviting my uncle (dads brother) or for that matter his other sister (uncles twin) for different reasons but they are not coming, i know for a fact i told grandma this (their mum) but she now says i never and that she would remember if i said that etc, and has said, that now she is not going to go!!! how petty is that, not only do i dispise this uncle, me and Dear Fiance are paying for wedding ourselves, why should i invite a person i do not like, do not speak to, couldn’t care less about, was horrible to me growing up, he gives me the creeps, i understand he is my dads brother and the other his sister but i never see them, the first time i saw the sister (auntie) was this feb at a funeral of my dads twin sister, prev to that i had not seen her since another funeral (my grandads) which was 3 years ago and prev to that was 10 years ago, i like her but just don’t see her, as for the uncle completely different, still don’t see him apart from funerals and prior to that was my cousins wedding (his daughter) in 2001, by the way she can’t stand him either nor any of his children, bottom line he is not going whether this means grandma comes or not, thats up to her. I am not being emotionally blackmailed by ANYONE especially not by my Grandma or anyone else for that matter, she says it would be lovely for everyone to meet up after the year we have had (losing my dads twin sister)  and naturally assumed i would be inviting x y and z, i said to her, if people want a reunion then we should organise one but I am  not having our wedding being used as an excuse for people to meet up who don’t even see each other. My dad is supporting me although is upset that his brother and other sister not invited but he understands that it is my day. I am not a horrible person but i have to stick to my guns about this, i have thought about inviting them, before i said no, but no i just can’t, he makes me cringe. Had a similar situation with my mum when i said her brother not invited, mum went mental, as she lost her dad this year (my grampy), but we made up, and she said she doesn’t want it to come between us and she knows deep down that her brother is not worth an invite and will go along with whatever i decide. He is not particulary nice either not as evil as dads brother but cold, unfriendly, rude, makes mum upset, says nasty things, not been an uncle to us all through out our lives (i’m 28) 29 by time i get married. Me and mum ok now. Why are weddings such a mess when it come to families?! friends are much more understanding if you don’t or can’t invite them, family, turn it into a war, or silent war, where you are made to feel guilty, selfish, uncaring etc…… i could go on and have gone on long enough !!! lol phew! i vote no.

Post # 13
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Hey, any update on what your dad decided?

My two cents are that you should definitely invite him if your dad wants to. I can’t imagine the kind of pain and hurt that must have transpired when your grandfather passed away and they fought over the will. But if now, after 20 years, they are beginning to reconcile, I wouldn’t want to do anything except encourage that. Twins have a special bond beyond what even regular siblings have. To be estranged from your twin for so long and then to have the chance to begin to reunite? By inviting your uncle you are giving your dad another chance at reuniting with his twin brother. That’s not just some random person in his life. I think if your dad really wants it, then no way should you say no to inviting him. My wedding had 80 people and I still had trouble talking to everyone. You will not be inundated with his presence at a wedding with 100.

Let us know what happened!

Post # 14
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Talking to your Dad is definitely the way to go before making a firm decision. He has the answers you need about why he wanted to invite his brother, what it would mean to him and how he’d feel about not inviting him.  It might seem awkward but it would be so worth it in terms of getting past this and strengthening your relationship with Dad.

True it’s your wedding day, however, a wedding has such meaning and emotion for all family members involved, especially parents.  After all, they’ve been waiting for your big day, too.  It a good idea to acknowledge their wishes, needs and concerns even when you can’t honor them.  It’s a matter of respect.

Because he was thoughtful enough to ask rather than insist and you’ve reach out for creative solutions , I get a feeling you’ll have a meaningful conversation and feel better afterwards.

Best wishes,

Dina

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

just wondering how this resolved… Did the uncle show? and did he give you good present?

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