(Closed) Should I invite someone I HATE to my wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

If you don’t like her and your fiance agree’s then don’t invite her. But be ready to have an explanation to the cousin.

Post # 17
Member
9127 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@bookworm88  Me too.

If it is your FI’s friend why can’t she be invited as your FI’ friend. I don’t understand the it’s my day mentality. it is your FI’s day as well so he should get a say and if he wants his friend there then so be it.

You don’t have to hang around with her but telling your Fiance he can’t is a bit controlling. We all meet people in our lives that we dislike/don’t get along with/don’t share the same views as. How you handle the situation as an adult is what is important.

It is often good to consider that if you dislike someone that it shows in your interaction with them. So even though you say you have been nice I would bet money that she can feel your dislike as well. I would assume especially in your interactions about her vegetarianism. As a vegetarian you would not believe the passive agressive nature some people have when having a civil discussion (or when you haven’t even mentioned anything) or the fact that others automatically assume you are a tree hugging red paint throwing activist. Sometimes the non-vegetarian doesn;t even realise what they are being like. Same way that a lot of brides don’t realise how much they talk about their wedding.

Why not have a conversation with this girl and discuss that you feel she dislikes you. Maybe she did greet you on first meeting and you didn’t hear and now she feels slighted which explains her attitude? Communication is key. It is really unfair to your Fiance that you have made him dump his friend. How would you feel if he told you that you couldn’t see your BFF anymore?

Post # 18
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh…I get how you feel. However, it’s not worth causing issues with your Fiance over. If you’ve 150 + people coming you won’t even notice her. I’d probably just invite her but not give her the time of day.

Post # 19
Member
3318 posts
Sugar bee

Since you are asking for etiquette advice here goes.

CB and Fiance cousin are living together, which makes them a social unit (along with married, and engaged couples). Etiquette is very clear that ALL social units must be invited together.

If you are not able to extend the invitation to both halves of the social unit then you should not invite the other.

 

Post # 20
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t know hate seems to be a strong word for what seems to be a petty issue between you two, unless there is something you are leaving out? I understand cutting the guestlist, and living out plus ones for some boyfriends and girlfriends, but living leaving out the plus ones of live ins I think that a bit much.

Post # 21
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

problem is that they’re living together. I think it’s quite rude to invite one and not the other, whether they be engaged, married or living together. personally, with 150 people, what’s 50 more? besides, if you’re being very strict about the boyfriends and girlfriends who aren’t living with their SOs, I can’t see how you would hit +50

Post # 24
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@tls96  Then stop taking it personally and don’t try with her anymore. If you tell your Fiance that she can’t come then it’s just out of spite on your part and that doesn’t make you the bigger person. Plus she’ll know why she’s not invited.

I completely understand how this feels, my FI’s BM’s wife has been similar to me. It really got to me until I accepted that no matter how nice I was, she was never going to give me what I want. If I said she can’t come to the wedding because she’s been mean, only I come off as petty. Is is shit? Absolutely. Do you need to be the bigger person and forget about it anyway, also yes. Screw her, she’s rude…but you don’t need to lower yourself to the same level.

With regards money, if she’s close to your Fiance and living with his cousin then she probably does get an automatic invite. Otherwise cut out those who neither of you know as a compromise.

Hope you come to a satisfactory outcome 🙂

Post # 25
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think inviting guests without their signifigant others is highly rude. And I think you expecting all of his friends to like you is unrealistic and silly. 

Because you posted this on etiquette, yes, you should invite her, because she’s in a relationship with a guest. You should also invite the SOs of every other guest you’re planning on being rude to. If you can’t do that, then start cutting the list back so you can avoid being rude.

Post # 26
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Elope……

totally kidding…maybe…

 

Post # 27
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@Cady  lol. How many times have I tempted to run off with the cake and elope!

Post # 29
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@tls96  And you’re both dictating who the other is allowed to be friends with? Seriously? How is this even okay? Is this insecurity? A desire to control the other? Just ’cause? I don’t understand. And if your bff was female, or his annoying friend was male, would that have changed things?

Though, my fiance’s “best man” is a female friend that he dated about ten years ago. And I’m friends with an ex. And we both have opposite sex friends and it’s not an issue at all for us. So maybe I’m coloring it with my own perspective. 

Post # 30
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

How does your Fiance feel about you not inviting his once close friend and cousin’s live in S/O?

I can’t imagine excluding anyone my Fiance wanted to invite to be a part of our special day. Even though I’m the bride, it’s not just my wedding.

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