(Closed) Should I invite someone I HATE to my wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I could call the cousin and express your regrets, but due to the circomstances, you’re not able to accomodate any +1’s– that way he knows early on that she’s not invited, and there’s no surprise RSVP when the invite is returned. 

Post # 33
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

hell no, its your wedding and your day. i totally wouldnt.

Post # 34
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

This could be seen as controlling IF the old friend wasn’t totally rude to her! This complaint is legitimate. If the girl was nice or respectful I don’t think there would be an issue.

Post # 35
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d say don’t invite her as long as your Fiance doesn’t object. But be prepared – she’ll probably show up anyway. I had a similar situation with my wedding and I made it VERY clear there was only one seat in this person’s name, yet he still brought his drama filled girlfriend.

Post # 36
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry OP, but I think you are being very rude here.  You need to invite ALL the SO’s of those guests in a relationship – including this girl.  I understand wanting a small and intimate wedding, but you need to buget it people’s SOs.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I find it very hypotrical to invite people to celebrate your love while ignoring theirs.  I imagine you’ll be getting a lot of No’s and you will probably have to deal with a lot of strained relationships.

Also, the wedding stopped being all about you when you chose to include other people.  Now you must take their comfort into account – not just your own.

Post # 37
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Is there any chance that this girl is just shy, or perhaps intimidated by you?  I ask, because I can see myself coming off the same way to people (I don’t initiate conversations much, I wait until others approach me to talk, etc).  It isn’t because I mean to be rude, it is because I am very quiet and have a hard time taking the first step with people I don’t know well.  This may not be the case at all, I was just wondering if there was any possibility that she was just coming off as rude when she’s really just quiet?

Post # 38
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

No way!

Post # 39
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If your Fiance was still close friends with her it’d be different but if he hasn’t spoken to her in a while and she just happens to be dating his cousin, I would say no.  A rule is a rule, if other unmarried or unengaged cousins aren’t getting a +1 neither should this one, regardless.  

Post # 40
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s your wedding if you truly “hate her” then don’t invite her. However the things are mentioning seems like petty reasons to hate someone for but that just me. If you are going to get upset at seeing her then  don’t invite her.

Post # 41
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Absolutely not.  It’s supposed to be a day with close friends and fam that support you.

Post # 42
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@tls96:  $5000 vs how much have you already spent? I concede that it’s really up to you what you want to do, especially since you dislike this person, but to not invite half of what is considered a unit is rude.

I agree that if the couple is not engaged, married or living together, it’s a little less taboo to say no +1. 

Post # 44
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@tls96:  Well she gets no invite! I would address the invite to the cousin only and call him before to explain the situation. Blame it on “space” hehe

Post # 45
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

View original reply
@tls96:  🙁  Well in that case, I’d not invite her.  If you’ve tried to be courteous and have gone out of your way to be nice to her, yet she has continued to treat you so poorly to the point where having her at your wedding would upset you…then screw “etiquette”!! (She has!!!).  There is no need to give someone else’s spot (a person who you’d LOVE to have there) to this person who you’d loathe seeing.  I don’t blame you!!!

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