Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
Okay so here’s the skinny…. I have two up in the air invites that with their guests, adds or takes away 4 people from the bottom line of the guest list. Which as all brides to bee on a budget know makes a difference…
First we have “Sally”: She is one of the regular faces in the group events put together by my girl friends. Although she and I aren’t close…She is some of my closest friends closest friend, I know that if I don’t invite her and invite the rest, that her feelings will be hurt, and group events from wedding on out will be awkward and uncomfortable (she’s not the kind to take this sort of thing gracefully). Which would leave one to think… just invite her, and avoid all the problems that could come from leaving her out….BUT, and it’s a big BUT…. My fiancé HATES her! When it come to him and his friends she can tend to come off as a bit “better then” and a bit critical, and a bit B%^&*… and he has made it clear that he does not want her there.
Second is “Betty”: She is my big sis from my sorority… She and I aren’t very close. But she revolves around my group of friends. She, in the past has been a bit of a handful, and frankly she is just odd, the problem is, is that I know she too would have hurt feelings if I didn’t invite her.
Any suggestions???????
Post # 3
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
I would invite “sally” out of the 2. We have someone like that but its reversed for us. My Fiance has a friend that is sooooooo rude and awful to me everytime we see him, but we are inviting him because he has been friends with my Fiance since they were 14 or something like that. We made a compromise because I didnt want him there at ALL and he wanted him in the wedding party and I just HATED the thought of seeing his face while Im walking down the isle because of the way he has treated me. So he will be an usher and I wont have to see his face all night lol
good luck with your pick!
Post # 4
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee
I would probably be a good samaritan and go ahead and invite them 🙁
Post # 5
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper
I think the key with “Sally” is that your Fiance does not like her. If he was more ambivalent, I’d say invite her just to keep the peace. But if her presence at your wedding will make your Fiance uncomfortable, that is just too bad for her.
For Betty, I think I need clarification on what you mean by “a handful?” Is her behavior possibly going to be out of control at the wedding? If not, then invite her.
Post # 6
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
I have a “friend” kind of like “Sally” and she will be at my wedding. Neither of us like her, but I have the bigger problem. BUT, we love her husband. We didn’t invite her to my sister’s bachelorette last year and I’m sure she was pissed, but it all worked out. I would say don’t invite her and spread the word that your guest list is really tight.
“Betty” will get over it. My standard for people like that has been to think whether we’ll even talk in 5 years. If the answer is no, no invite. (I’m even not inviting a girl I’ve known for 24 years because we just don’t really talk anymore. I feel bad, but…that’s the way it goes.)
Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
Betty is just an odd duck, corners people, brings up awkward conversations, a bit of a downer….
Post # 8
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper
If she’s simply socially incapable, I say invite her. My general rule about a wedding invitation is you shouldn’t invite people who wouldn’t come to your funeral (morbid, I know, sorry). It sounds like Sally would take a raincheck, but that Betty would be there.
Post # 9
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
I invited a “Betty” because she was a long time friend–not close at all any more, but she felt we were… She’d asked me point blank if she was a bridesmaid, wanted to plan my showers, etc(Did I mention we are not close at all any more? We’d had a falling out on my end.)
I invited her because she would be crushed if she wasn’t and she doesn’t have a lot of friends–she considers me one of her best. My family knows how she is–very socially awkward, moody, debbie downer(sounds like your friend) and they “wrangled” at the wedding weekend festivities. In a very nice way and she wasn’t offended to have to “share” me thanks to their help. I’m glad that I invited her though because I know that it meant a lot to her.
Post # 10
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
I would invite them both. I went thorough a similar situation and still feel HORRIBLE that I didn’t just have these people on the the original invite list. I invited them late because I felt so guilty and since their invites went out so late they knew they were “B listers.”
Post # 11
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
I wouldn’t invite either of them. Maybe I’m mean, but sometimes people get their feelings hurt. It’s life. They’ll move on.
Post # 12
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
i wouldn’t invite either of them. you’re not close to them, they’ll get over it.
Post # 13
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
totally agree with bkchi. you’re not close to them. weddings are for the people who mean something to you. the way you described them, the only reason you talk to them is because your group of friends does, that’s the connection. i wouldn’t.
Post # 14
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee
It is your wedding and if you really arent that close to Sally then why would you do that to your FI? Think about maybe putting your self in this situation with him. He has someone who he isnt close to and you HATE him, how would you feel if he invited this guy? I wouldnt like it at all and if she isnt someone who is close to you then dont invite her.
Post # 15
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
Neither. Explain that it’s a small wedding, you couldn’t afford to invite everyone you would have wanted, then set up a time to meet for drinks when you have recovered from the wedding.
Post # 16
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
Personally, I think you should respect your FH and not invite Sally. It is his wedding too, and since the day is for both of you, I think it is only fair to compromise on this situation so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable at his own wedding.
Basically it comes down to what is more important to you: would you rather make your husband or a girl who isn’t very important to you happy?
As far as Betty, it is up to you. I am a firm believer in only inviting those who my FH or I truly love, but I know some brides like to have old friends, acquaintances there, too. Again, I think you should be looking at what will make the married couple, whom the celebration is for in the first place, happiest.