Should I invite this guest?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we invite her?
    Yes : (35 votes)
    63 %
    No : (21 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 2
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    No, I don’t feel like you have to invite anyone that is nasty to you. However, you need to keep in mind that this might offend your fiances friend, and might make him not want to come.

    I think that you have to weigh up the relationship with the friend and the relationship with the wife, honestly. Is it worth causing an issue with the friend? Is she actually likely to say anything, or even come? Also consider that her lack of invitation may have been because they both didn’t know you or weren’t close to you, and wasn’t meant to offend (of course, I can’t know these details, but it’s worth putting out there).

    Post # 3
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    How long ago did they get married?

    Post # 5
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    You don’t have to invite her, but be aware that it’s a pretty substantial etiquette infraction. At least she had the excuse of you not being married when she decided not to invite you. Not inviting spouses is generally a no-no.

    Post # 6
    2713 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    Both of them or neither of them.  You can’t split up a social unit (I know she did – be the bigger person).

    Post # 7
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think you do. They are married now and whilst I think inviting girlfriends/boyfriends of partners is not mandatory, spouses are. She sounds like a total hoe though hehe xo

    Post # 8
    342 posts
    Helper bee

    tabee88 :  NO, I don’t care who gets upset, I refuse to be around rude people and wouldn’t invite one to my wedding. 

    Post # 9
    6272 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Don’t invite either of them. 


    If your husband wants to keep the chap as a friend and have him there, then you’ll need to invite them both. 

    Post # 10
    3860 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think you need to invite neither or both. 

    Post # 11
    3224 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Both or neither. It’s not strictly the wife’s fault you weren’t invited to theirs – he didn’t invite you either. And as I teach my first graders, two wrongs don’t make a right. 

    Post # 12
    2471 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If they are to be the only two guests at your wedding, do what makes you “comfortable”. If there are going to be OTHER guests there, she will not have the opportunity to bother you, and your husband will have his long term friend among his guests.

    Unfortunately there is actually no real status for bf/gf no matter how long that relationship has existed, so your omission from the guest list at their wedding may or may not have been a slight.

    By inviting them both you’re taking the high road and mending fences. What better place-time-event than your own beautiful celebration than to do that. Consider it a little gift to your groom.


    Post # 13
    27 posts

    If you decide to invite both of them the right thing would be for them to thank you for the invite but decline since his wife clearly isn’t wanted there (she should understand this) and he can congratulate his friend (your new husband) later in private.

    Post # 14
    12227 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    You were dating at her wedding. The traditional view has always been that it is obligatory to invite couples who are engaged, married or living together. A long term, older couple may also qualify as a social unit these days. Regardless, she may have felt justified in not inviting you at that time. 

    They are a married couple at your wedding, so there’s no no polite or decent way to exclude her. Either invite both or neither. I’d invite neither. 

    It’s just as rude to tell someone that they aren’t invited to something and why. Just don’t invite them. I’m sure they can figure it out. 

    Post # 15
    6379 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Both or neither.

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