Post # 1
So I have a “friend” that I’ve known for a while l and our friendship has had a LOT of ups and downs -in the past few years, mainly downs. I’m sure she expects to be invited to my wedding, but I’m not super excited about inviting her. Honestly, it would kind of bother me if she was there. But there are a lot of underlying issues with inviting/not inviting her.
She made it very clear that if I got engaged before her, she was going to be mad and not happy for me. She’s been dating her bf for 4 years and he’s probably not proposing any time soon, I’ve been with my guy for 3 years. She was also really mean after I got engaged and made rude comments about my ring.
If I didn’t invite her, she probably would never speak to me again. Granted, we’re moving pretty far apart so I didn’t really plan on maintaining whatever was left of the friendship. She also will likely not be in one of my bridesmaid’s wedding (I am though) and she wants to be in it. So that disappointment combined with not even being invited to my wedding would really bring her down, and I don’t want to do that.
My wedding isn’t small but it isn’t big either. So I feel weird about having someone there simply for the sake of not completely offending her, but I don’t really care for her to be there either.
Am I being ridiculous? Any advice is appreciated!
Post # 3
You’re not being ridiculous, you just don’t want to hurt her feelings, which is a good thing. However, it sounds like you’d be happier/less stressed without her there. If I were in that situation, I probably wouldn’t invite her – if even to “keep the peace.” It’s your day and you deserve to be surrounded by supportive people.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I would not invite her. I had a similar situation and I decided not to invite my toxic friend. I did not regret it; in fact, I’m so happy I didn’t invite her. It also basically ended the friendship, which worked out best for me, I think.
You can read my whole story here if you want. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/did-you-lose-friends-by-getting-engagedmarried-venting Mine is the third from the bottom.
Post # 5
people grow apart, I say dont invite her, doesnt sound like you want a friendship with this person anymore anyway, so why invite somebody you no longer like or want to be around? its your day, this will end the friendship but it sound like it is better that way anyway
Post # 6
@amk17: your wedding is over a year away. just wait a while. why don’t you re-evaluate your decision in 10 months. see how you feel about your friendship at that point and then make your decision.
Post # 7
@amk17: You think you’re responsible for the way she CHOOSES to feel?
And she’s upset, not happy about your being engaged before her?
There’s something seriously messed up with this person…yes is sad as she may need be on psych meds.
She’s seriously immature and trying to “hook you” with her childish tantrums…”Well, if you don’t invite ME….then….! Snicker, snicker…
If you invite her, then YOU are the one needing help!…because you’re allowing this person have control over your happiness.
Don’t walk, don’t skip…but RUN and don’t look back…she’s bad karma for sure…upset about your situtation? What a nutcase!
She’ll do anything she can in order to gain attention back onto herself by any means possible…especially telling your she’s angry…wow! This girl is a real freak! But everything about her spells/screams “HOOKs!” meaning “if you don’t do…blank…then…I will act a certain way….and that is one huge hook!
If she shows up uninvited…kick her arss out on the street….is your day…why allow anyone wearing “fishing gear”….
Had you invited her, she’d find something else to b’eachie about your wedding…like I said…RUN! and don’t look back!
Life is just far too hard, too short, too too as it is let alone whinking about not being invited…if I would have respected your decision, but would need to know why you felt this way about me…but perhaps she’s not too normal!
Post # 8
Honestly, I don’t think I would invite her. Why would you want a “friend” who can’t, not only be genuine and happy about your engagement, but one that also makes rude comments about your ring. A wedding is a happy time that we share with those that we love and care for. We have put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, not to mention money, into our big days…we shouldn’t waste all of that on someone who will only bring you down.
Post # 9
I agree, don’t invite her and should anything change, you could do a last-minute invite. Something with weddings is you tend to find out who your friends really are and who you also really care about being your friend. I think many of us go through this and in the end, friendships lost are ones that will be lost at some point anyways, so best not to have them at your day and in your wedding day photos.