- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2018
I’m having some doubts on whether or not to involve my SIL in our wedding. Background: She’s my fiancé’s younger sister and is 17 (and will still be 17 at the time of the wedding). I’m in an LDR, so I don’t know FI’s family extremely well. I have 4 bridesmaids and that’s enough for me. From what I know, my SIL and I are very different personality-wise and taste-wise.
Now, here’s the thing: I don’t know if it is puberty or if she is just being a bitch, but it has been a rollercoaster with her from the start. When we first officially were going out, there was quite some opposition from his family, which is understandable to some degree: We are both quite young and his family hadn’t met me and didn’t know anything about me.
We continued dating, I met his family, everything seemed fine. His sister was still opposed, nagging about how I didn’t want to do a “girls’ night” with her and some of her friends (she never asked if I wanted to do one?) and how we were always together all the time (yeah, cause we live in different countries and don’t get so much time) and how we’re so incredibly immature (coming from a person two/four years younger than us). Anyways, we ignored that. As the engagement came up, there were some more disagreements with his mother which we managed to sort out. Anyways, his sister would say we were continually causing fights and she and her cousin would always make tons of noise when Fiance were skyping. So that wasn’t nice, but we let it slip.
Over time, she seemed pretty relaxed and was cool, for about a month. I was thinking of making her my bridesmaid, maybe. I quickly changed my mind (never mentioned it to her anyways). What caused me to change my mind was that she tried to get my Fiance in trouble for whatever the night before he was driving to another town to meet me (as a surprise) and propose. And yes, she knew about that. Big argument in that family and then she was upset because Fiance “was mean to her”.
Anyways, he went there ( I was staying with a friend and thought I’d take the bus to his town in the afternoon) and proposed and we drove back, very concerned whether he’d be kicked out of home because of proposing (which his mother had threatened a while ago). There was no one up except his sister, who was cleaning (she gets paid by her parents to clean, that is her “job”; she’s also being home schooled after she was continually sick and barely ever went to school at all). We went in (it was late) and put my luggage in my room and all that. We said hi to her, no word about the engagement. I haven’t received a “congratulations” or any comment on our engagement from her so far.
Later during that visit she suddenly started to get all involved in planning, trying to dictate what kind of decoration we have, what activities we’d do and such. She’s been asking for rides (she can’t drive, Fiance can) and then did nothing but complain about where we were going, what we were doing, the music, the way Fiance drives all the time, which all just left a bitter taste with me, because it seemed really ungrateful. But maybe that’s just me, I dunno.
Lately, she’s fallen back into the habit of disturbing skype calls and such. Even when I skyped for D&D with Fiance and his friends she said she was “going to leave the guys to themselves” and did nothing but a) suggest stuff to do with them that made them super late and made me wait for 5 hours, because suddenly their plans changed and b) during the game she constantly talked to them and completely distracted them. Which was pretty rude, but not entirely her fault, so whatever.
Buuuut. Lately, she’s been saying things like “I don’t think I have a burgundy dress.” (burgundy is the colour our bridesmaids are wearing; I’m not going to make her a bridesmaid with the way she behaves) and that she is going to plan the hen and is gonna be a huge part of it. (She said that to FI’s family. I hadn’t talked to her in quite a while before that.)
Now, let me recap the reasons why she isn’t going to be at the hen or even organising it:
– she has been pretty rude
– I don’t consider her a close friend, because I don’t know her very well
– she seems like a very ungrateful and fake person to me (always complaining and gossiping about her own friends, trying to take over wedding planning)
– the more she tries to make herself part of my wedding, the less I want her to be a part of it
– she has little money of her own (which isn’t a problem, but would be when planning a hen, because that usually requires money)
– she constantly asks other people to give her money or buy her stuff
– incredibly self-centered
– she can’t drive on her own and would need a ride everywhere (all of my BM’s are out of town)
– she can’t legally drink (and if I was to imagine a hen, I’d imagine going to a nice pub for a few beers and maybe some dancing and live music)
– she can’t legally stay out long (underage)
– she doesn’t enjoy the same things I enjoy and vice versa
– she doesn’t like or know my bridesmaids because they are not of the popular crowd
– I don’t even want a hen.
So there’s that. What I want instead of a hen is a chill night out with my friend group in that other town and I’m sure as hell ain’t gonna call it a hen. I’m not a fan of the idea of a hen anyways and I’m not a fan of very girly things in general. Now her mother hasn’t said anything about it whenever Fiance has smashed her hopes and plans. All she did was complain that he was being mean to her (to her dad who didn’t say anything either). I’m kind of scared his mother will try and manipulate me into having her fill some role at the wedding. And I don’t want that at all. Not in a million years.
I have no clue what I want from this thread, honestly. I guess I just needed to vent. Maybe I need a pat on the shoulder and some reassurance. Or a kick up the arse, who knows. I’m open for any opinions on this.