(Closed) Should I just drop the issue and invite them, even to our “no kids” wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For me, personally, because it’s family, you should allow/invite the other nieces and nephews.  You said they have different mothers and are young – perhaps the stepbrother won’t even want to bring them and will appreciate a “free” night out.

I wouldn’t worry about your other guests that you already told “no kids.”  To me, there is always an exception for immediate family.  Just my 2 cents.

Post # 4
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think whatever you choose, you have to fair across the board.. either kids or no kids and not certain kids. I’m of the belief that a wedding is an adult event and not meant to be a playground for kids. That being said, I think there are definitely “kid friendly” weddings and if you plan on having activities or someone assigned to avoid turning it in to a kid playground, go for it. I think you know the kids best and know what type of behavior to expect, how they are parented, and if it’s likely that a kid might have a few moments during your wedding. I think parents should understand if you don’t want them there and appreciate that they get a night out to enjoy without having to chase around their kids. 

Post # 5
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Merbear820: stand your ground.

this comes up frequently here and for the most part, it’s pretty common for the bee’s to say this.

IF you allow these children, who are NOT in the bridal party, other parents are gonna be pissed that THEY couldn’t bring their children.  

Personally, if your Fiance doesn’t deal with the calling and telling, then I’d do it.  I’ve already done it once with his parents and he knew I would and I told him after I did it. He stood behind me completely and agreed I was in the right.  Different reason, but that’s how he is.  

good luck and I hope it works out for you!

Post # 6
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would hope that your Fiance would “stand your ground” with you. It will inevitably lead to hard feeling on the part of others if one couple is allowed to bring children and the rest are not.

 

Post # 7
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think VERY best thing to do in this situation is to TALK to your FH’s step brother.  Tell him you aren’t having any kids, other than the ones in the wedding party, and you’d like to know what he’d comfortable with (assuming you are ok with him bringing them, which I think they get a pass because they are immediate family (even though he’s a step brother).  If he wants to bring him, let him.  If he’d rather get a sitter, then let him go that route.  

Talking to parents about the sensitive issue is KEY.  I made the mistake of not talking to a cousin about it, and he was deeply offended and didn’t even come to the wedding.  Ouch.  It’s one of the things I wish I could do again.

The friends I talked to- more of a ‘I’m not sure what we are going to do about kids – how do you feel?’ where very good about giving me their opinion (mostly it was:  we are flexible – do what you think best) were very receptive to my decision to NOT having kids  – I’m pretty sure in part because they knew that decision might be coming (vs. being blindsided by the invite).

 

Post # 8
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This is a tough one.  On one hand I can see saying No children that aren’t in the wedding party, but I do see where there could be drama if the children in the immediate family are not invited.  I don’t think that you should have to worry about saying no kids, and the understanding that the bridal party children are an exception; but there maybe family fallout, or a misunderstanding.  I think you need to decide based on whether you are okay knowing that and dealing with it or want to skip the drama.

Post # 9
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree it should be across the board. We are having a no kids wedding and my fsil is upset their cousin cannot bring their special needs child. And by special needs I mean high maintenance and separation issues. His whole family are in state. My entire family is out of state and that means NONE of my cousins are coming. They’re parents have to make weekend arrangements. So, I still said no. If my “separation issues” cousins are not coming, his are not either. I do not want a single child at our wedding.

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