Post # 1
OK, I’ve been in sort of a stand-off with my Future Sister-In-Law for a while now over my furture neice’s dress sash. Please tell me if I’m being ridiculous and I need to let this go.
So, my future niece is our junior bridesmaid(at her request), and I wanted her to look as much like the bridesmaids as possible. When we picked out the dresses (david’s bridal) each girl was also sized for a $20 sash – more like a cumberbund. My FSILs did not order their dresses at that time. One of them went back weeks later and ordered all the dresses. At that time, they realized that no one wrote down a sash size for the JB.
I then got an cryptic email from one of them, saying we have to figure out JB’s sash. (It took me 5 emails back and forth to get the whole story) She told me that the girl at david’s bridal recommended a $5 ribbon they sell to use instead. The problem with this ribbon is it is really thin, and would need to be tied into a bow(which I’m not crazy about). And she would look different from everyone else. So I emailed her back and told her that I wanted JB to look like everyone else, we’ll just have to get her sized.
Flash forward 3 months later to this past weekend, when again she brings up to me this $5 ribbon idea. So not only has no one tried to get the girl sized for a sash, but they still want to just buy the ribbon. I’m really frustrated at this point, because I dont know how many times I need to say “I want her to look like everyone else.” I was floored when she started talking about this ribbon again, so I just changed the subject because I didn’t want to get angry.
I don’t know if it is a money issue, and if I should offer to purchase the sash, but I dont want to be insulting either. Am I being too bridezilla here? Should I just give in and let them pick the ribbon? Here is a mock-up of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses along with a pic of the ribbon.
Ribbon in question:
Sashes all the other BM’s are having:
Post # 3
If you want them all to look alike, just tell them that .” I really want all my bridal party to look alike. I would apprecaite you getting her sized for her sash as soon as possible.”
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
On one hand, I really think that your Future Sister-In-Law should just suck it up and do what you asked her to. It’s not like you’re asking her to buy a $300 sash. I don’t understand her issue with the whole thing.
On the other hand, is this a battle that’s really worth fighting? She’ll probably look really cute with the ribbon and nobody besides you will even notice that it’s different.
Post # 5
get a tape measure. go to the house. measure JBM’s waist. tell Future Sister-In-Law you are undecided and that you will be going back to the store to have a look and a think. buy what you think will look nice. present the sash you have chosen to JBM on the day of your wedding.
Post # 6
make her get the sash. there’s no reason for her to put up such a fight over $25, and you’ll have to live with the pictures of her in your bridal party forever.
Post # 7
Honey, its your wedding – I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla, I just think you want your wedding day to be pictures the way you want you wedding day to be pictured!!!
I had the same same issue. Fiance little sister is a JR bridesmaid and the dress that she fell in love with, my Future Mother-In-Law hated it! She said it made her look like a chid (she’s 13) and she wanted something that made her look more elegant. So, what dress does she get? My Maid/Matron of Honor dress.
Sorry, can’t have it, Maid/Matron of Honor already has it. My little SIL says “Mom I love this dress! It make me feel like a princess!” (And it really is pretty, i liked the dress too!) Mother-In-Law says “Nope, makes your feet look big”.
Honey, I had to put my foot down and say “She’s getting this dress bc she loves it AND it matches the party better. That’s it.” It caused a small bit of tension in the room, but my Mother-In-Law got over it and I got my way. It sounds bad … but, theres no way we put this much work and effort into this day to allow someone else to change it bc they’re lazy. I agree with @blossombee – bring over a measuring tape and make it happen! lol
Post # 8
I would tell her it has already been decided that the JB will wear a sash like all the other BMs. Then offer to take the JB to David’s to be measured yourself, and then just pick up the cost yourself. The difference is only $15, so I don’t understand what the issue is.
And, no I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla at all.
I’d be curious as to whether David’s actually suggested the ribbon instead of the sash, or if they asked if there was another option when they went in to buy their dresses. Seems odd that David’s would suggest a cheaper option without being asked.
Post # 9
You have a particular vision for the wedding, and when it’s really only over a $15 dollar difference in price, your Future Sister-In-Law should really shut up and order the sash. If I were you I would let her know that you really would like JBM to have the same sash as the BMs and don’t like the look of the ribbon. If they live close, maybe offer to take JBM to get sized for the sash, and offer to pay for it since it’s really what you want her to wear. It doesn’t sound at all like you are being unreasonable, so just remember to be calm and collected when you talk to Future Sister-In-Law and don’t let whatever she says get under your skin. If for some reason it really starts to escalate or Future Sister-In-Law is being unreasonable, then I’d think about whether it was worth it. The last thing you want is to be thinking about JBM’s ribbon/sash every time you look at your pictures.
Post # 10
Maybe I’m confused, but if David’s Bridal already measured JBM for her dress, don’t they already have an approximation of her waist size? For example, if she wears a David’s Bridal child size 12, that corresponds to approximately a 29 inch waist. Wouldn’t knowing her dress size give you a close enough approximation for you to just order her one? I would think the sash could be adjusted a bit either way if it was a little too big or too small.
EDIT: I don’t know how old your JBM is, but I think she might appreciate that you took the effort to make her look like everyone else…not singleing her out or making wear the “baby-ish” bow (not that bows are inherently baby-ish, but if the only one who gets a bow is the 11-year-old, guess who is going to feel like a baby?)
Post # 11
@Loribeth: I agree totally…I never understood why Davids would try to offer a cheaper ribbon??
@kitzy: The difference is actually only $15…the ribbon they want is $5, and the one I had picked out is $20.
@njm1313: LOL…The dress made her feet look big!..thats a new one.
@blossom_bee: I’ve thought about doing that…just buying it for her and being like…here is your sash. But I’m afraid of coming off as crazy.
Post # 12
@Neva: Unfortunately David’s wasn’t being very helpful in all of this, I called them and all they could tell me was that there wasn’t a size written down. I asked if they could approximate based on the dress size, but they said she would need to be measured. The person I spoke with seemed rather confused about the whole thing, and I asked if I could measure her at home and would they be able to order based on those measurements, and she said “I guess so.”
Edit: I agree totally…it is very important to the JBM that she look older. She had been a flower girl 7 time before and was adament about being too old to be a flower girl. Thats part of why I was making an effort to treat her just like a regular BM- same gifts and everything.
Post # 13
Just let them get the $5 sash. She is a “jr” Bridesmaid or Best Man anyways, it’ll be okay if she looks different. It’s not worth the stress, believe me.
Post # 14
@Kitty285: we have got your back. you are not crazy. i think that we all find out that weddings are about compromise, and i sceptically read posts that claim “this is YOUR day, so do it YOUR way” as sometimes written by brides that are heading for a huge fall (or fall out.) but some areas of the wedding are completely at the bride’s discretion. none of your adult BM’s loathe the dress you have chosen for them (yippee!) and the JBM likes hers too. it now comes down to a matter of taste between you and Future Sister-In-Law. she has had her wedding, her vision was realised on her day. now it is your turn. the sash/ribbon is a small matter, but it is part of your dream vision. and you are allowed to have it. buy the sash or ribbon of your choice and be as graceful as you can about it.
Post # 15
I would offer to pay for the sash, b/c it seems like money might be an issue. If they are still having issues with it, I’d just let it go. You have to pick your battles, and in the end, I doubt you’ll even notice the sashes during the wedding.