(Closed) Should I just have a destination wedding!?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My experience from wedding planning was that it just got more intense the further I got into it. Initial small obstacles with parents grew exponentially as well. So, in case you already feel tired and a little disappointed with your family – make it easier for yourself!

We had a Destination Wedding for us, that is we flew across the entire North Atlantic to have the wedding where my family lives. They were all able to attend, but it was seriously one of the most stressful things I’ve ever gone through. Retrospect, I just wish we would have gone somewhere nice and quiet and got married with minimal attendance.

On a personal note – if you’re both students/students to be, take the money and go on a nice vacation. You never know when you’ll have the opportunity the next time!

Post # 3
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

simply.gould:  If you don’t want to invite kids, then don’t invite them! it is your wedding and you are paying – it is rude for your Future Mother-In-Law to insist that you do this, as it is reasonable to have an adult-only wedding.

You and Fiance need to be together on this, and I suggest he deal with his mother. Since you are only 4 weeks into your planning, for now, he can let his mother know “Sorry mom, but we haven’t been able to fully decide on our guest list. However, simply gould and I wish to have a small, intimate wedding, and cannot accommodate kids.” That’s the end of the discussion. Don’t justify your decision by providing reasons for it – that just opens the door to rebuttal.

My Future Mother-In-Law did the same and my Fiance handled it that way, and ended the call with “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is what we’ve decided. I’m going to end the call now, good night.”

HOWEVER, if you really want a destination wedding go for it! I do think it is nice to be considerate of your siblings in realizing the burden on them… but it is YOUR wedding.

Good luck!

Post # 5
25 posts

My FH and I got engaged last June and although initially we did not want a big wedding, as soon as we announced our engagement and saw how excited everyone was, the more I wanted a “real” wedding.  We live in an expensive city in the Northeast US and we both have large extended families and lots of friends.  We are paying for our wedding ourselves.  We decided to do a destination wedding in New Orleans over Memorial Day weekend.  As a bonus, and similar to you, we did not want kids at our wedding and New Orleans is not the kind of place you bring young children.  The thing to remember about a destination wedding is that not everyone you want to be there will be able to come.  We have family in friends expecting babies around our wedding day, some who can not afford it, some who just don’t like to fly or travel.  You two have to first think about whether or not you will be happy with a destination wedding if it means certain people will not attend.  Best wishes!

Post # 6
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@destinationbride514 had great points for you to consider. We had an incredible Destination Wedding that was lighter on stress than a traditional wedding, however there were people who were unable to travel, like my grandmas.

Post # 7
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m having both a Destination Wedding wedding and then a reception “at home”. I’m still in the process of planning the reception at home and I have to say, the Destination Wedding was so much less stressful!

Side note, does the venue you are looking at have an option for a kids meal? Sometimes they are reasonably priced (20-30$ for a three course meal). 

Post # 9
25 posts

simply.gould: we definitely expected a lot of people to decline.  using destination as an excuse to keep the invites to a minimum and implying that it would be very small and intimate, we invited our families (both sides large) and closest friends but no coworkers and very few of our family friends. out of 142 possible, 67 will attend which surprised us because we only thought 50 at most would come. what we realized about our situation is that so many of our friends are joining us and not as much family.I think this is partly due to our age (I’m early 30’s and FH is 35) and a lot of our relatives were not worried about dissapointing us because we are grown. Totally understandable. Our friends, even with small children and or small disposable income will be the majority of our party which we did not expect. something to consider 🙂

Post # 10
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

Given the fact that YOU’RE paying for the wedding it should be done EXACTLY the way that you want it. I was in the same position you are just a couple years ago. My fiance and I actually started planning and put a downpayment on a venue in L.A where we live. Long story short, it wasn’t what either of us had envisioned. I guess I felt pressure from my parents because they had always wanted a big blowout wedding. They’re incredibly traditional/family oriented and think everyone and their mother should be in attendance. Whereas the fiance and I do not care for a huge wedding, in the typical venue. I understand that some people want all that, and I completely respect them, but ever since we switched to destination mentality, the planning has gone from stressful to fun. 

I honestly believe that a wedding is your day to be selfish. And certainly not a day you want to look back at and feel like it wasn’t the way you wanted it to be. My family was dissapointed initially, but they moved on and now the ones that are attending (all of my immediate family will be) are thrilled for a weekend getaway. 

Post # 12
4040 posts
Honey bee

MeandMyLouboutins:  With 2 daughters’ weddings, in the last 18 months, one of the greatest hassles were Mother-In-Law and and grandmothers of the couple, and having an adult wedding. My Mother-In-Law wrote 2 nasty e-mails, to my daughter the bride insisting that “weddings are for families” and “all about families.” She just wanted to see her son’s family, because she doesn’t fly any more and the last few times they’ve visited her, it’s because she treated them to a vacation at a resort. Not only were his kids never going to be invited, he and his wife weren’t even invited (they didn’t even has the courtesy to RSVP, to the 1st wedding, and the 2nd one was half the size). I had to avoid her the entire night of the wedding, I was still so furious. And at neither weddings did the Mother-In-Law &Gs, who complained about kids not being invited offer to pay for their plate, which was the full adult rate, for almost all the kids (13+).

Offer to have a special kids party, in a separate room; they can be around for photos and they’ll have more fun.

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