Should I just leave him?!

posted 7 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well he seriously needs help. It is really sad that you had to pawn your engagement ring. Stop helping him financially. Perhaps taking a break wouldnt be a bad idea.

Post # 3
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Leave him

Post # 4
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I think you already know the answer, Bee.

Post # 5
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Here’s the hard, cold truth, Bee: By helping him financially and sticking around, you are enabling him to keep doing what he’s doing. There are zero consequences to his actions, so why wouldn’t he continue doing whatever he wants? He knows you will always be there to handle the money and bail him out when he’s broke, which sounds like is pretty much all the time. Don’t be.

It is very difficult to break the cycle of co-dependency and enabling while remaining in the relationship, if not outright impossible. You need to leave, for your sake, and also for his. This isn’t healthy for either one of you.

Good luck, Bee.

Post # 6
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

You deserve a real partner bee, this guy is just an albatross around your neck.  Move on.  27 is plenty of time to meet the right man. 

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

The only thing worse than wasting 6 years is wasting 7,8,9,10, 20 years. Get out NOW.

Post # 8
Member
1539 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

vbenford :  Do you guys live together?  You said he quit drinking but then mentioned that you told him he needs to slow down with drinking and smoking, so is he drinking again?

While I don’t think a boyfriend should have to support you financially, I would have a real hard time dating someone who was as lazy as this guy sounds. Does he have no ambition? That’s a huge turn off, I’d leave and find someone who gives a shit about their life.

Post # 9
Member
884 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yes, definitely leave him.  He is a complete and utter mess and needs help.

Post # 10
Member
5418 posts
Bee Keeper

He is only dragging you down with no end to it in sight. What happens when your mother quits loaning you money and you have nothing left to pawn? You don’t really have a choice, you can’t afford to support him and his bad habits. 

Post # 11
Member
874 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

vbenford :  we first started dating he had a good job and was able to support me financially and did all the things I would assume a normal boyfriend would do

I had to stop there. He isn’t your husband. Normal boyfriends should not be expected to support you financially.

 

ETA: Red flag number two is you pawning off your engagement ring without talking to him first. How exactly are you expecting to communicate difficult decisions in marriage if you aren’t including him?

Anyways, he is not healthy and he is not respecting your wishes to be sober and he is sabotaging your relationship. The two of you are not compatible.

 

ETA again. I don’t mean to rip apart your side of the story. This guy is garbage and you deserve better. I think what you did is you tolerated things and you put yourself in a position to be vulnerable by having him support you financially without legal protection. If you want a successful relationship, then you need to put an end to a lot of the crap that you are dealing with now and that may mean that you have to leave this guy and start over. Best of luck, bee!

Post # 12
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

The question isn’t “should you leave” but “why would you stay?”

What about this relationship makes all this heartache and financial problems worth staying with this guy?  What is he giving you (no it ain’t love cause he loves his addictions too much) that makes you say “wow, he’s a keeper”.  Seriously bee.

 

Post # 13
Member
792 posts
Busy bee

Yes.

That’s your answer.  Now here’s some unsolicited advice:

Find employment for yourself that allows you to be financially independent and apply the “helper” energy that you’ve been willing to expend on him (signing him up for government assistance and “emotional support” for his addictions) onto yourself. It will empower you make better decisions in the future.

Look for a better partner, but only after you have put work into yourself.

When you get that partner, don’t pull passive-aggressive expressions of hurt like selling your engagement ring. You didn’t talk to him about it because you either don’t trust him to try to help when you had problems, or you wanted to create a dramatic display of that hurt as a cry for help or way out. I don’t think that was considerate of you, but I have a feeling it was out of a lot of built up resentment/hurt/anxiety.

 

Post # 14
Member
3087 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Does this relationship make you happy? Do you feel like you have a partner that you can talk to, depend on and trust? If not, do you think you would ever be able to trust and depend on him and talk to him about everything? Your answers to those questions should give you your answer. Best of luck bee!

Post # 15
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

vbenford :  Dude this guy is a looser. SERIOUSLY. You want to marry a guy who can’t even hold down a job at a gas station? Go to school, get your self together and find a guy who can hold down a job and doesn’t have drinking problems. 

YOu already wasted 6 years of your life. That part is done already. The question is, do you want to waste 6 MORE years of your life. NO. Don’t be that girl who ended up marrying the idiot who works at the gas station. NOPE!! 

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