Should I just let her wear it…?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
637 posts
Busy bee

kc1014 :  I honestly HATE buying bridesmaid dresses I dont like. I would rather my girls be happy and feel confident in their dresses than resent the day just a tiny bit because they had to pay $$$$ for a dress they dont like. Is it really that big of a deal? I would just let her wear it. 

Post # 17
11527 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

If you’re in the US where we typically pick the dresses for them (w/i reason and price), I don’t see what the issue is. 

No, she doesn’t get to pick a different dress than all of the other girls and while you don’t want them to look bad I hope, this isn’t about what she wants to wear. 

Its really not a shocker that a bride would want her general vision carried out. 

Post # 18
205 posts
Helper bee

If she loves it so much, she could just buy the dress and wear it to some other event. She should do whatever makes you happiest on your day and wear the dress you choose.

Post # 19
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d let her wear it. Ultimately, it won’t matter and it will be fine in pictures.

I let my two young step daughters who were 7 and 11 and my now niece who was 5 and our flower girl pick their own dresses. I thought they would pick pink, purple, blue – that kind of thing. My wedding party was in black so I thought it would be a good pop of color. Well, the 7 and 5 year olds picked black and white dresses that were simliar. Both formal. The 11 year old picked a peach and navy dress that ws not formal at all. I had a melt down over this. I had several concerns: she would feel underdressed and the pictures would look ridiculous – becuase everyone was formal and she looked like she was starting her first day at a bank. My sister told me “I understand why you are upset, but no one will care.” She was right. No one cared. Our pictures are beautiful. She didn’t seem to feel underdressed. It was the best day of my life, no matter what anyone was wearing (one of my friends showed up to my wedding in leather pants. Leather pants.).

This is a long way of saying it won’t matter. Presumably you want her in your wedding becuase you are close and you love her and you want her to stand up with you – not becuase of the dress she is wearing or whatever else.

Post # 20
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Tell her if she wants that dress, she should get it. But she won’t be wearing it to your ceremony! 

To your ceremony she will wear a dress that conforms to your guidelines, same as the other girls. If she changes for the reception, that is up to her.

It is ludicrous for a girl to agree to be a bridesmaid, then take an attitude that she is going to buck the system by wearing a different dress from everyone else. Wearing what the bride wants, as long as  it is reasonable, is part of being a bridesmaid.

Post # 21
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This just sounds like you’re being a tad unreasonable. Sorry. They are people, not props. My girls all bought the dress at Macy’s because it was cute and they like it. I’m not really a fan of buying a dress you hate, because your wedding isn’t about you-it’s about your guests and your bridal party are your guests. It is your day as a bride and groom, and you should have the food and atmosphere you want. But don’t make it a self-centered event at your guests expense emotionally or financially. 

Post # 22
4820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

kc1014 :  Don’t let anyone run roughshod over your vision.   Can you make an appointment with a different consultant, and pick out a few dresses in advance – and have them choose from those?

I’d be annoyed as heck with the consultant and your bridesmaids.  They were all disrespectful.  

Post # 25
5108 posts
Bee Keeper

kc1014 :  Can you post a pic of the original choice? Or the ones the others picked out? I say that because my girls picked dresses from a different store and the color matched perfectly.

I point this out because at first we as brides are so stressed that we freak out at first. But then take a second look with the other dresses and see if it’s really all that different. 

Post # 26
5108 posts
Bee Keeper

Side note. If it’s right color, IMO I would just let her wear it. Unless of course the pastor won’t allow it. Then she can’t even if you picked it out. 

I know I’m asking a lot of questions, but is there potentially an issue with the other girls if you let her pick that? Will they also want something else? Because you really just want everyone to order on time so it’s less stress. 

Hugs! Congrats! 

Post # 27
987 posts
Busy bee

If it’s important to you, I don’t understand why you would give them a choice and then be upset with their choices. You need to tell them they are going to be wearing this certain dress, end of story. 

Post # 28
1780 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s a beautiful dress, I just wouldn’t want them upstaging the bride

Post # 29
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

Let her wear it! 

Post # 30
23 posts
  • Wedding: July 2018

kc1014 :  Use your Pastor as the excuse then. Say that he reminded you that everyone must be dressed more on the conservative side. And honestly I think that’s the right way. Bridesmaids aren’t up there to look hot, but they should absolutely feel beautiful, which can be achieved by dressing on the more conservative side. 

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