Should I just let this one go?

posted 4 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’d move on. On a first date, people are generally on their best behavior. I’d hate to see what he’d be like once he lets his guard down. 

Post # 3
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would follow up and see how he responds. If he ghosts you or makes up an excuse, I would just chalk it up to him being embarrassed and let that be punishment enough for ghosting. After talking for so long and not seeing each other in person, it’s possible that he got too up in his head and was trying to seem cool but drunkly overshot and wound up in jerk city. If he’s still a jerk when you meet up again though, he’s just a jerk.

Post # 4
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think people are typically on their best behavior the first few months of a relationship and I’m not sure you can count the months during shut down.  I’d be concerned with any man who drank too much the very first time we met up and his behavior is questionable when he hadn’t been drinking that much.  The fact that he didn’t text you the very next morning to apologize for his behavior is the most telling.  It shows he really didn’t think he was that bad, and he really was -especially for a first date.

Im glad you said something about it because we shouldn’t condone poor behavior.  Him kinda ghosting you may show how he responds to negative things (not maturely) or he could honestly be busy or being self reflective.  I’d either throw this one back or take this really slow with one more red flag seeing you out the door.

Post # 7
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
@megaleg2019:  don’t follow up, you already made the date.  If he doesn’t keep it then throw him back and block him.

Post # 8
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I mean, he may have been nervous, but his solution was to get drunk, be loud, vulgar, and ill mannered to someone he just met and wants to impress. I am no stranger to using the F word myself, but even I think it is trashy when it is used multiple times in short order. If he does just ghost you, I’d consider that to be saving you from the awkwardness of telling him you don’t want to go out again. 

Post # 9
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

As others have said, people are usually on their best behaviour for the first few dates, so if this is best behaviour…

He gets drunk, he swears and makes sexual remarks to strangers and he interrupts you.  And this is only your second date?  I think this is one to walk away from.

Post # 10
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
@megaleg2019:  Clarifying plans is a better option than either showing up and being stood up or standing him up. It doesn’t seem like chasing to me, and if he was gonna stand you up, his response or lack of one will save you the time and the mental space you would have spent otherwise. It also gives you a chance to bow out and end things if you’re not feeling it.

Post # 12
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Is this the kind of guy you want to take around to meet your friends and family? If you’re already embarrassed by how he behaved on the first date with strangers, girl, just let him go. You don’t need to be policing what he says to people. It looks like he may be embarrassed you called him out or he simply is very arrogant and “can’t believe you had the nerve” to call him out. My guess is the latter, which is worse as these type of people never think they do wrong. 

Post # 14
Member
1911 posts
Buzzing bee

Considering my dating experiences, depending on how the first date went, I usually give the benefit of the doubt and give it one more shot if I’m not sure after the first date. While the first date is a major impression, sometimes people get nervous or make mistakes or just aren’t themselves which can happen sometimes. I was late to a first date and felt horrible because I felt it left a bad first impression and I’m normally a very punctual person so I really appreciated it when my date gave me the benefit of the doubt. Of course, I apologized profusely and explained why I was late and was not late again after that.

In your case, I’m honestly not sure I would give him a second shot considering his behavior. Not only did he get drunk, but he got vulgar. It’s one thing to have a few too many due to nerves, but he got really obnoxious and made a sexually explicit remark to not just you but other strangers around you. He also used the F word multiple times…I like to curse too but I would definitely not do that on a first date when I’m trying to make a good impression. It seems he felt a bit too comfortable saying the things he did…

I know you’re not a judgemental person which is good, but if you put all of those things together it doesn’t paint a pretty picture. You have now seen that he is a sloppy drunk who is vulgar and talks over you. He didn’t even acknowledge that it happned either…which is also pretty bad. I would be more inclined to give it another shot if he sent you an apology text saying how embarrassed he is, but he didn’t do that

Idk bee, I think I’d let this one go…

Post # 15
Member
3382 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@megaleg2019:  Rude, drunk and obnoxious. Not worthy of a minute of your time. Not even worthy of your analizying his behavior.

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