Post # 1
I have been dating this guy for a few years and living together for a bit. Currently I commute 60 mins each way to work while he has a 10 min commute. Its not ideal for me and when traffic is bad it can an extra hour. We had discussed moving closer to my job which would split the commute 30 min each. While I just got a job offer further than my current job but if we moved to where we discussed it woulf stay about 45-60 min depending on traffic so not horrible but until we move it will be 90min-2 hours each way.
He has decided to look for jobs over the last year and doesnt seem to understand where jobs are located and travel times. He had looked in the opposite direction of mine, farther south and north. He finally got an interview for a job which if offered would be almost directly south of my job, sounds great but nope, he refuses to live in that area. He also refuses to have a commute longer than 45 min in rush hour traffic. If we moved right between the two jobs it would be 45 min each but he refuses because the gun laws there would prevent him from keeping some that he owns and he doesnt want to sell them. The only place that would make him happy would probably still give me a 90 min commute. I feel its ridiculous that we cant get closer due to the guy laws for the area and cities. Even mentioning moving out of state for amazing offers his first instinct is to mention the gun laws. I get he like his hobby but this is inflicting on my quality of life and career options. Is it weird to consider breaking up over something like this?
I havent felt supported by him in a while and often he says he will look closer to a place but then just apply to anything without consideration to moving and commutes. He has to check county borders in towns since some are in both and have different laws which makes it a nightmare to find a decent apartment. Ive heard him say he loves how support I am with his hobby but seriously this has started to affect me and he doesnt really care that its such a toll
Post # 2
Definitely move on, unless you want to continue to build and live your life based on gun laws and a selfish SO/husband.
Post # 3
I would not be okay planning the rest of my life based on gun laws.
Post # 4
Guns are priority over you and your quality of life? Bye Felicia!
Post # 5
I have a hobby about which I am passionate–it’s a dog sport. I’ve spent over a decade living in places where the training clubs were two hours away. At long last, there is an excellent club 45 minutes from home. It’s a dream come true.
Not a snowball’s chance I would give up this hobby for a bf.
My dh would never have expect me to. He’s gotten into it and participates by taking pics and videos.
Giving up my hobby would wreck my quality of life as well as my puppy’s.
I think because the hobby in question is guns, it’s easier to hate on the bf.
All of that said, I agree he’s been a selfish ass up till now. He isn’t willing to consider a compromise, i.e. he gets to keep his guns but gets the longer commute.
OP and bf just sound to me like a bad match. Somewhere out there is an NRA woman who loves target shooting and OP can find a good man closer to her job.
Post # 6
Definitely move on. You deserve someone who’s going to put your happiness first, not a hobby.
Post # 7
It’s not just the fact that the hobby is taking on an outsized importance in your life – it’s the fact that he expects for YOU and YOU ALONE to the pay the costs of this hobby with YOUR commute time.
If he were willing to pay for it with his commute time, and respect your priority of having a shorter commute, this would/could be a different issue.
Post # 8
Based on what you wrote, he would be able to keep the majority of his guns if you moved to that area. So it’s not a case of him having to give up his hobby at all. He’s paying attention to gun laws instead of commute times.
So to me, it just sounds like he’s being selfish and not actually thinking of you as a unit. Dealbreaker.
Post # 9
Wow, I can’t even. So many red flags. Time to move on to find a grown up.
Post # 10
you are right he only has to get rid of one of the guns if we move.
Its not that I hate guns, I actually like having them and respect the use of them properly. I just never could understand purchasing one that limited our housing so much before setting down roots. I think if we own and were set in our jobs this wouldnt bother me but it just frustrates me on tryin to find housing. He also doesnt keep them at our apartment either because we rent and they arent covered by our renters policy so they stay at his parents house. He has only used it twice since purchasing it but even this morning tried to make another emphasis how much ye doesnt want to sell it.
Post # 11
I commuted 2 hours away from home for the past 6 months so I know how ridiculous and exhausting it is. I just got a new job about 1hr to 1.5 hrs away which is not ideal but the pay is much better and I consider it temporary.
My boyfriend drives about 30min to work and I would never ask him to look for another job or move. We just bought a house together so it is different. His job pays twice as much as mine and it’s close to his work so it’s good for him. He has talked about planning for me to quit and go back to nursing school in about a year or two and then me supporting him so he can go back to school after that.
From the sound of your situation, if he wasn’t willing to accommodate me or improve things I would probably move out and get a closer apt to work. You have no real ties and he hasn’t proposed? I would tell him we can see each other during the week/weekends or break up if it’s not working out/going somewhere.
Post # 12
MAJOR red flags here. This guy is prioritizing his gun over you…what?!?! I’d move on super quickly.
Post # 13
What’s the question? The guy cares more about his guns than you
Post # 14
A hobby is affecting the quality of your life. Your bf has stated and shown he would not tolerate the same commute that you do day after day. That is selfish. Move by yourself to a location that is good for you.
Post # 15
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
Yes, I think you should move on. Personally, I don’t get the guns as a hobby thing… to me, it’s in the same category as drugs as a hobby, however I am not American and don’t understand gun culture – AT ALL. That aside, the fact that he’s completely unwilling to compromise and make your life a bit easier so that he can remain armed is a red flag to me and I’d be gone.