(Closed) Should I just not invite them?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Oh man, totally know what you’re going through. I would usually say invite none or invite them all but by the sounds of it you have a tonne of friends and family with children! I have learnt that you are not obliged to invite anyone (except parents haha). I have had to cut off so many people off the guest list, including children because I realised I just didnt want them there. And if they boycott the wedding because theyre pissed off about their kids not being invited then they’re not there for the right reasons anyway/ It’s a day to celebrate you’re marriage after all. 

Post # 4
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Why not make your god-son the ring bearer and the 2 girls flower girls? I think it’s pretty common to only allow children in the bridal party.

Post # 6
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

In that case, I would invite them anyway and tell them no kids aloud. They’ll probably be upset either way (more so if they aren’t invited), at least if you invite them they may still come, and if they make a big deal about it then they’ll come off looking unreasonable, as it’d be the same rule for everyone. You could always say ‘sorry, but we’ve already told several people no children and we can’t make exceptions’, plus some people may surprise you and be ok with it, but if you don’t invite them you’ll never know. You’ll probably have people that won’t be happy either way, so invite who you want, tell them firmly no and don’t get stressed, this is what you want and there’s no point worrying about what other people think.

Good luck OP.

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s going to cause way more drama to invite some aunts and cousins but not all of them than it will to not invite children. I totally agree with your POV on this, and I think the best way to deal with it is just to decide ahead of time how you’re going to handle it, come up with a blanket statement to say to anyone who questions you or tries to start drama. If they keep pushing, repeat your initial statement. If they threaten to not come, tell them you’re sorry but you understand and they’ll be missed. Repeat as often as necessary.

Post # 8
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We did the “no kids” at our wedding. Right after we decided on our wedding date, venue, etc. we sat down with my FI’s family because all his counsin’s have kids under 10 (between 3 of them there are about 15!).  we explained to them with our budget and venue space limitation we just cannot accomodate a room full of children. the only young kids that will be there are our flower girls and the ring bearer.  This way, they had plenty of time to find someone to keep their children if they did want to come. Turns out they aren’t coming which my Fiance had hope. He invited them to not make one of his aunt’s mad and turns out this particular aunt isn’t attending either.  So it worked out well for us!  Good Luck!!!

Post # 9
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“No kids except the wedding party”- perfect. I take it that these are the 3 children closest to you and FI- you don’t need to invite everyone’s children-there are space and budget factors to consider, outside of the fact that you want your wedding to be an adult event.

That being said, will you tick off some family members? You betcha. However, I think it would cause more drama to invite one aunt and not the other. (My sister-in-law had BIG drama when she only invited 2 out of 3 cousins on one side.) Like Wonderstruck said, you’ll just have to be a broken record- “I”m sorry, but we arent’ able to accommodate children outside of the wedding party. Hopefully you’ll still be able to attend, if not, we understand.” 

For our out of town guests, we offered to help with babysitters if needed, and no one did. Giving that option is a nice touch, though.

Post # 12
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Tibbs:  Tell them that it’s the children of immediate family only. If they kick up a fuss, tell them that you want this to be an adult affair and that kids are only bored at weddings anyway. If your friends kick up a fusinviting not being able to take their children then tell them they don’t have to come. 

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would invite them and let them know no kids are allowed. Let it be their decision if they don’t want to come. 

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