(Closed) Should I kick her out?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I kick her out?
    Yes : (6 votes)
    27 %
    No : (14 votes)
    64 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5220 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @Tanya5484:  I am sorry, I know it must be stressful, but I would just not stress about it and let the cards fall where they may.

     

    She is aware of the dates, $$, responsibilities… so you stressing over it and worrying yourself won’t help. I am not a big fan of kicking someone out of a wedding party unless it falls under the dire circumstances line. Dress shops deal with late/unresponsive bridesmaids all the time, my shop has a person call and “be the bad guy” so the bride doesn’t have to be. I would call the dress shop, give them your situation and see if a manager cannot place a call to the Bridesmaid or Best Man and let her know the stores policy, without ever mentioning your concerns.

    Post # 4
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’d say kick her out, she invited herself in the first place, and now is blatantly not doing anything towards it.  If she didn’t invite herself in the first place I’d say give her a chance, but heres the breakdown:

     

    1) ASKED to be a bridesmaid…

    2) Can’t make it down to pay for her dress

    3) Can’t make it to the rehersal?!

     

    Three strikes you’re out.  If she can’t be arsed to pay for the dress and make it to the rehersal how do you know she can be counted on to even show up on the day of?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I don’t think you kick anyone out of a wedding, regardless of whether you asked her or not. I would say it has to paid for and picked up by this date and if not then you would be looking forward to seeing her as a guest at the wedding. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @Mrs_Amanda:  I think her suggestion of having the store call is an excellent option! I voted no because while is is a major pain in the ass I don’t think it’s grounds for kicking someone out. But you do have every right to be pissed.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    It sounds like she might be having money problems. I would ask her if she still wants to be in the wedding and if she says yes have her call the bridal salon and make arrangements to pick the dress up herself Tuesday. I am sure if they have heard from her and have a time when she is coming, they will make an exception and hold the dress 2 extra days. If she doesn’t pick the dress up, she has made the choice to come as a guest.

    I rarely think it is a good idea to “kick out” a memeber of your bridal party. It will ruin your relationship with her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I feel like your problem will solve itself. No dress no Bridesmaid or Best Man. It’s that simple. 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    1636 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Let her make her own decision IE if she doesn’t pick up her dress then shes not in it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2586 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I agree with PP’s.  I think you can let go of the stress you’re placing on yourself, and put it all on her – without going through the awkwardness of kicking her out…

    If she doesn’t have the dress, she’ll be a guest.   No exceptions.

    Post # 11
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would advise you to think long and hard about it, and I agree with PPs who say that she will ultimately make the decision. No dress, no Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

    The only reason I say “Think long and hard” is because my sister had a bridesmaid who pulled some crazy antics during the planning stages (including sleeping with a groomsmen then creating major drama!). My sister doesn’t even speak to her any more (a mere 2 years later) and she says its hard to look at her pictures of the wedding knowing that they are no longer on speaking terms. It had been a 15 year friendship. 

    In anycase, good luck with your Bridesmaid or Best Man and hopefully it all works out for the best! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2716 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Don’t kick her out (or give her an out) – it is a friendship ending move and will only create hurt feelings, more drama, and will make you look like the bad guy.  If she doesn’t get the dress then she has taken herself out of the bridal party.  You gave her the date and even offered to pick it up for her and that’s all you can do.  The rest is up to her.

    As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, it certainly sucks that she can’t be there, but I don’t think it’s a requirement that she be there.  Sometimes it is really hard for people to take off of work and sometimes stuff pops up and they just can’t get the time off.  So I would give her the benefit of the doubt there and not worry that she can’t make it.  It’s definitely not something to kick her out over.

    Post # 13
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If she doesn’t get the dress then she’s removed herself from your bridal party. A PP had a great suggestion of having the dress shop call her to remind her to pick it up. After that, it’s out of your hands.

    As for the rehearsal, don’t worry about her not being there. I have friends flying in for my wedding. If they can’t get there in time, they’ll just follow what the other BMs are doing. No big deal.

    A dramatic “you are no longer a bridesmaid” is not necessary and really childish. Let her make the decision whether to pick up the dress. It’s completely on her then.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I agree with PP. If she doesn’t pick up the dress, she’s automatically out of the wedding and it’s not your fault. I’d stop stressing and let her choose to be in the wedding or not based on if she gets the dress in time.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I agree with PP. If she doesn’t pick up the dress, she’s automatically out of the wedding and it’s not your fault. I’d stop stressing and let her choose to be in the wedding or not based on if she gets the dress in time.

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