(Closed) Should I kick my Bridesmaid out of my Bridal party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You have to decide whether your relationship can survive something like that. She obviously thinks that you two can handle her blasé attitude if she’s willing to ditch things that are clearly important to you. She accepted the role of being a bridesmaid, of being YOUR bridesmaid. In every wedding, that’s going to mean something different. For some, it’s just showing up on the right day in the right dress. For others, it’s more helpful and interactive. She seems to think that it’s okay to be the “right day, right dress” kind of bridesmaid, even though she knows it’s the other. If I were in your place, I’d sit down and tell her everything and let her know that if she misses one more thing, especially one she said she’d be at, like the rehearsal, you’re going to ask her to leave the wedding party and just be a guest. She’ll either apologize and mean it or she’ll get angry or not care. You’ll either get through to her and have the bridesmaid you need, or you’ll have your answer about whether you should kick her out.

(I say this based on my personality, so take it with a grain of salt. This is coming from someone who had no intention of inviting her father to her wedding, despite the fact that her parents are still married.) 

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Her missing your wedding rehearsal to spend time with her boyfriend is not ok. I’d have one of your parents step in and say something about that.

As for helping with invitations and other wedding projects, that’s not really her job. That is your and your FI’s job. If she wanted to help, then it’d be fine to have her help, but you shouldn’t require her to do it. 

Honestly, I don’t think it’s worth ruining your relationship with your sister for 1 day.

Is there a reason you are doing the rehearsal so far in advance of the wedding?

I would talk to her about how important it is that she is at the rehearsal because she really needs to know what she should do when (and everyone else needs her there as well to get the timing right).  Maybe if she understands how important this is (and it’s not just another “project” you want her to work on) she might come around and do it. 

Post # 7
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re welcome! I’m a face-the-problem-head-on sort, especially when it’s something as important as this. I get that it’s “just a day”, but by agreeing to come to the wedding, and, especially, agreeing to be part of the wedding, means agreeing to be there for you the way you need. If I had people involved in my wedding and they weren’t holding up their promise, I wouldn’t be willing to let that stress continue. Not when it can be so easily resolved (even if it doesn’t feel easy! I’m sorry you’re having to go through this!). 

Post # 8
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We rarely have rehearsals here (I have been in 14 plus weddings and only one had a rehearsal) and weddings run just fine. So I really don’t see why her missing the rehearsal is such a big deal.

And I agree with @KatNYC2011:. The only people obligated to help with those wedding tasks you mentioned are your FI and a vendor if specifically paid for that task.

Her boyfriend is important to her- your wedding is important to you. Your wedding is one day- your relationship with your sister is for life (well hopefully should be). 

Post # 9
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Only being 6 days i wouldn’t saying that its ur day! I kicked my Maid/Matron of Honor out of my wedding about 8 monts before my wedding b.c well theres wayyy too much to list and so my best friend from high school stepped up from high school and about 2 months ago she moved over an hour away which was fine with me but she told me she coulnd’t really focus on her Maid/Matron of Honor duties b.c of her byofriend and new job (HAHA) im trying not to look at her (: so she stepped down luckily my Matron Of Honor who is my current best friend has been amazing thru the whole thing

 

Your parents need to talk to ur sister actually ur Maid/Matron of Honor needs to and if that doesn’t work ur parents do and if she doesn’t act like she cares tell her shes out. theres no reason for her to miss that important of an event bc she wants to be with her boyfriend 1 its bad for her growing up b.c shes going to think the world revolves around him and that not healthy and 2 its ridiculous b.c its her big sisters wedding rehersal. sigh im sorry ur going thru this! 

Post # 11
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@j_jaye:  i understand you don’t have them over there but in America we do have them and they are a REALLY big deal. and the fact she missed it is completely unacceptable over here. One of my BMs missed the rehersal b.c of work and it was still frusterating even tho she had an excuse. its just one of those things that when you accept an invitation to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man you HAVE to go to the rehersal. 

Post # 16
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@BearcatBetch:  Why are they a big deal? I don’t understand it? It is a practice of a pretty simple process, not a complicated theatre performance after all! Is it really so important that it is worth ruining a relationship over?

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