Post # 1
Im getting married in less than 4 weeks and have already paid all the vendors but im considering throwing out a ‘friend’ from not only my wedding but my life. I want to hear your honest opinion about the situation:
My ‘friend’ is a gay male who I have known for some years. We have lived together with other friends when I attended University for a year. Since moving out he doesn’t contact me unless he wants to come up and visit me and another friend (He stays at my house I pick him up from the station and buy food and drinks in). Last time i saw him was October last year. We haven’t been speaking much lately (I have been quite busy with the wedding & he’s always off doing something). 2 months back I contacted him asking what menu choice he would like (as I was finalising all the details) he said he had not got the details i sent in the post. I said ok fine and sent him the details by email and heard nothing of him. 6 weeks ago I sent him a text asking him if he had a chance to look at the menu choice, 3 days no reply. I sent another saying I need to know soon so it would be great if he could have a look as im seeing the caterer soon he replied “Ok I will look”. I said ok, by the way you havent rsvp’d are you definatly able to come he said he will if he can book it off work as hes going to a wedding the day after (His partners sister). I got nothing for 10 days and the day before I saw the caterer I text him saying I really need to know if hes coming or I cant have him in the wedding. Just before I saw the caterer I txt him saying I can come so thats fine. (Abit anoyed hes messed me about RSVPing but ok he finally did fine.
However I just had my hen do last weekend (which was fab by the way!) and my ‘friend’ didnt come. He never confirmed if he was going (My Chief organised the whole thing) and has not spoke to me to even say why he didnt come. Yesturday he puts this on his facebook:
” can’t stand gaggles of women on hen dos. F**king irritating. What is the obsession with penises? They don’t know what to do with them in the first place. Could be worse, could be a gay stag party. Urgh! “
It seems too much of a conincedence to put something like this on his fb 6 days after my hen do when all my pictures are coming up all over the place by different friends. It really hurts he would do this if it turns out its aimed at me but I cant see how it cant be aimed at me. Am I being a bridezilla here and should I kick him out of the wedding?
Post # 3
It’s probably not about you at all – you did say his partner’s sister is getting married the day after you. I can totally see him being overwhelmed by simultaneous weddings – as he’s family in the other one, and likely has a lot more obligations there.
Post # 4
I’d offer to let him come as a guest. He’s obviously not prioritizing you let alone your wedding. Sometimes friends just drift. Do you live in a state where gay marriage is legal? If not, maybe he is (understandably) upset by all the wedding talk around him?
Post # 5
Could you talk to him and tell you are stressing out and need him to step up or just be a guest?
Post # 6
Were there other men at your hen do? Could it be possible that you’ve offended your friend by inviting him to a party that is traditionally reserved for women?
Either way, I don’t think you should completely boot him from the wedding. I like the previous suggestion of offering him to come to the wedding as a guest, as he may be simply stressed from two weddings so close together. It sounds like there are hurt feelings on both ends here, so the two of you really should have an honest conversation about it.
Post # 7
I think you need to have a talk with him before you make that decision. He may not understand what you expect of him as an attendant (he IS male, after all), and as PPs have said, he may be stressed out by two weddings going on at once. Perhaps, if you set your expectations more clearly, he will be able to live up to them.
Post # 8
uhm… I’m a bit confused. Is this guy actually involved in your wedding or is he just a guest? From your post it seems like he is just a guest and not in the wedding party but PP’s posts make it sound like he is in the party (just wondering if you edited your post). I think if he is just a guest then I would let him come and leave it at that. He has 2 weddings in 2 days – he is more than likely invited and expected to be involved in his partner’s sister’s wedding and all the pre-wedding festivities that go with it. To me it might be that at 1st he didnt really know how to say he probably couldnt make it to your wedding but has since made a plan to be there. You’ve invited him – you can’t exactly take that back at this point. If he shows at the wedding – awesome. If your friendship has changed then you’ll eventually just drift apart.
As far as the hen do comments – I’d probably just ignore it.
Post # 9
Hes just a guest and no he wasnt the only guy invited I even invited his partner.
I could understand if he couldnt come because of the other wedding (Its his BF’s Sisters wedding) I wouldnt hold anything against him for that at all. It just hurts that it seems like he not only doesnt care but all seemed to attack my hen night.
Unfortunatly im at my parents where there is 0 phone signal otherwise I would have called/text him about it but I have tried to contact him via FB. I will contact him and give hime plenty of time to respond but if he doesnt I guess I should un-invite him.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t bother having him in the wedding, come to it as a guest sure.
Post # 11
Don’t uninvite him–it’ll make you look petty and rude. As a PP suggested, the post probably wasn’t even about you. Even if his post was inspired by your party, what difference does it make? It seems like he hates bachelor/bachelorette parties in general, which is his business. I think you’re being overly sensitive, tbh.
Post # 12
I think it’s too late now to kick him out when you’ve asked him to commit to coming / taking time off work. He is being INCREDIBLY rude though and obviously forgets how special weddings are. Id have (nicely) kicked him out for not RSVPing on time, especially after following him up but too late now I think.
You could reply to the hens FB comment “so that explains why you failed to show up at mine then”
Post # 13
If he’s just a guest, then no, you shouldn’t uninvite him. That will just cause drama, and since you already made a big deal out of his RSVP, it would be kind of silly to have all that be for nothing. I’d wait till after the wedding and have a talk with him and explain why your feelings are hurt.
It sounds like he didn’t attend your bachelorette party because he doesn’t enjoy them (thus the facebook post). Since he isn’t part of the bridal party, I don’t see why that’s a big deal – he probably wouldn’t have been any fun if he wasn’t having a good time.
Post # 14
He’s a guest, at this point uninviting him will just look petty on your part. I say let him figure it out himself and see where the friendship stands after all is said and done. You have more important things to focus on right now surely.
Side note, not necessarily saying it’s relevant, but there seem to be a lot of posts lately about animosity amongst friends during wedding planning that seem to be fueled by lack of “real” communication (texting, Facebook, etc.) Maybe a lunch would help?
Post # 15
OP, I don’t know what country you live in, but if it’s the US or somewhere that doesn’t recognize marriage equality, that could also be a factor. I know some people get really fed up being expected to get all excited for an event that they’re not allowed to have for themselves.
Post # 16
i think you’re overeacting a little bit.
I think the comment he made about the hen party was about his partner’s sister.