(Closed) Should I kick my friend out of the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee

    It’s probably not about you at all – you did say his partner’s sister is getting married the day after you.  I can totally see him being overwhelmed by simultaneous weddings – as he’s family in the other one, and likely has a lot more obligations there.

    Post # 4
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’d offer to let him come as a guest. He’s obviously not prioritizing you let alone your wedding. Sometimes friends just drift. Do you live in a state where gay marriage is legal? If not, maybe he is (understandably) upset by all the wedding talk around him?

    Post # 5
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Could you talk to him and tell you are stressing out and need him to step up or just be a guest?

    Post # 6
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Were there other men at your hen do? Could it be possible that you’ve offended your friend by inviting him to a party that is traditionally reserved for women?

    Either way, I don’t think you should completely boot him from the wedding. I like the previous suggestion of offering him to come to the wedding as a guest, as he may be simply stressed from two weddings so close together. It sounds like there are hurt feelings on both ends here, so the two of you really should have an honest conversation about it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee

    I think you need to have a talk with him before you make that decision. He may not understand what you expect of him as an attendant (he IS male, after all), and as PPs have said, he may be stressed out by two weddings going on at once. Perhaps, if you set your expectations more clearly, he will be able to live up to them.

    Post # 8
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    uhm… I’m a bit confused. Is this guy actually involved in your wedding or is he just a guest? From your post it seems like he is just a guest and not in the wedding party but PP’s posts make it sound like he is in the party (just wondering if you edited your post). I think if he is just a guest then I would let him come and leave it at that. He has 2 weddings in 2 days – he is more than likely invited and expected to be involved in his partner’s sister’s wedding and all the pre-wedding festivities that go with it. To me it might be that at 1st he didnt really know how to say he probably couldnt make it to your wedding but has since made a plan to be there. You’ve invited him – you can’t exactly take that back at this point. If he shows at the wedding – awesome. If your friendship has changed then you’ll eventually just drift apart.

    As far as the hen do comments – I’d probably just ignore it.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I wouldn’t bother having him in the wedding, come to it as a guest sure.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Don’t uninvite him–it’ll make you look petty and rude. As a PP suggested, the post probably wasn’t even about you. Even if his post was inspired by your party, what difference does it make? It seems like he hates bachelor/bachelorette parties in general, which is his business. I think you’re being overly sensitive, tbh.

    Post # 12
    Member
    942 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think it’s too late now to kick him out when you’ve asked him to commit to coming / taking time off work. He is being INCREDIBLY rude though and obviously forgets how special weddings are. Id have (nicely) kicked him out for not RSVPing on time, especially after following him up but too late now I think.

    You could reply to the hens FB comment “so that explains why you failed to show up at mine then”

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee

    If he’s just a guest, then no, you shouldn’t uninvite him. That will just cause drama, and since you already made a big deal out of his RSVP, it would be kind of silly to have all that be for nothing. I’d wait till after the wedding and have a talk with him and explain why your feelings are hurt.

    It sounds like he didn’t attend your bachelorette party because he doesn’t enjoy them (thus the facebook post). Since he isn’t part of the bridal party, I don’t see why that’s a big deal – he probably wouldn’t have been any fun if he wasn’t having a good time.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    He’s a guest, at this point uninviting him will just look petty on your part. I say let him figure it out himself and see where the friendship stands after all is said and done. You have more important things to focus on right now surely.

    Side note, not necessarily saying it’s relevant, but there seem to be a lot of posts lately about animosity amongst friends during wedding planning that seem to be fueled by lack of “real” communication (texting, Facebook, etc.) Maybe a lunch would help?

    Post # 15
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @KatyElle:  Agreed.

    OP, I don’t know what country you live in, but if it’s the US or somewhere that doesn’t recognize marriage equality, that could also be a factor. I know some people get really fed up being expected to get all excited for an event that they’re not allowed to have for themselves.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    i think you’re overeacting a little bit.

    I think the comment he made about the hen party was about his partner’s sister.

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