Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 years, since I was 20. I care about him very much and think of him as a friend, but I don’t know for sure if I want to marry him or be with him forever. I’ve felt this uncertainty for the majority of our relationship. Should I stay with him because things aren’t bad, or should I leave and hope that someday he’ll find someone who is certain about him and I’ll find someone about whom I’m certain?
Post # 2
You’ve felt this way for the majority of your 14 year relationship, so why are you wondering now whether or not to leave? What changed?
Post # 3
14 years and you’ve been unsure of him the whole time!?!? Yes, you should definitely break up! 14 years is a whole big chunk of your life. Don’t waste more time. Not everyone breaks up because things are bad. Some people just aren’t right for one another.
Post # 4
If you really sit and read your post, I think you’ll be able to answer your own question.
You think of him as a friend and have been having doubts for 14 years..
You both deserve to be with someone who makes you happy and without any uncertainty.
Post # 5
Don’t stay without someone just because it’s comfortable. You deserve love and passion in your life.
Post # 6
I’ve actually thought about it on and off at different times over the course of our relationship. I guess I’ve stayed because I love him (though, again, unsure if I want him to by my lifetime romantic partner) and because I don’t know if all relationships feel mediocre after this many years.
Post # 7
I’ve always lived with the assumption that passion fades after the initial fireworks are over. I don’t know. Before him I only had a few brief relationships that just fizzled for various reasons. Do people still feel passion after 5, 10, 15 years?
Post # 10
Have you ever felt passion with him? When you imagine life without him do you feel excited or sad? Do you enjoy being affectionate with him? Not just sex, but kissing and cuddling etc.
I think that most relationships become comfortable after some time and the excitement and passion fades somewhat, but if you see him as more of a friend than a lover something is definitely wrong.
Post # 11
I felt passion with him for the first few years, but even when I felt passion I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to be my life partner.
When I imagine life without him, I think the initial adjustment will be hard and filled with doubts. However, I can see myself living without him as my partner.
Post # 12
How does he feel?
Does he want to settle down with you?
Post # 13
I’ve expressed to him a few times over the years that I feel uncertain and he always says that he is 100% certain that he wants to be with me forever.
Post # 14
What was making you have doubts about him being a life partner? I think is very normal after 14 years for passion to fade, but I think having doubts that he is your life partner is not a good sign. When you think of the future do you picture him by your side?
I think the ultimate question is do you feel you would be fine without him? If so then he’s not the one.
Post # 15
yes, you can break up with someone for not feeling passionate or excited about the relationship. Your heart isn’t in it. You’re not doing anyone any good by remaining in that relationship.