Should I Leave My Husband…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It’s not fair to your husband for you to stay with him. He deserves to be with someone who really truly loves him in a romantic way, and who is attracted to him. I don’t think it sounds like there is anything to save, you never really wanted to be with him in this way. Seems like you see him as just a friend. I would leave. It’s what is fair to both of you.

Post # 3
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Why did you marry him in the first place?

If you are as unhappy as you claim, it would be probably be better to separate, but that’s easy to say when all I know is the one post you made.

Post # 4
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You had an emotional affair and you forced yourself to cry with happiness when he proposed, stop stringing your husband along and let him be happy with someone who actually loves him. 

Post # 5
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

You already have your answer. Don’t need anyone’s validation.

Post # 6
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

You need to leave, period. It’s not fair what you’re doing to your husband.

Also, the fact that you can develop feelings for someone else in a short, two-week trip doesn’t say anything about the other guy and how compatible he is with you (how can you tell after only 2 weeks?) But it does tell you that you have no emotional loyalty to your husband. He doesn’t deserve that. Break his heart, time will heal it, and hopefully he’ll go on to find someone who does love him back.

You on the other hand, should maybe take a break from being with other people and do your own thing for awhile.

Post # 7
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It really wasn’t fair for you to marry him in the first place, everyone deserves the chance to marry someone they truly love and that truly loves them.

Get out – for both of your sakes. You’re not doing him any favors by staying, if anything, you continue to do more damage and are delaying both of you finding true happiness with others.

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Get out of this marriage ASAP.  You’re not doing him any favors by staying with him just so you don’t hurt his feelings.  Because your “not attracted” feelings will shine through in other ways.  Not sleeping with one another more than 10 times a year is huge red flag.  I’m surprised he hasn’t caught on that you’re ‘just not that into him.’  You deserve to be IN LOVE with the person you marry.  And you will find that- but he deserves that opportunity as well.

Post # 10
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee

tiger4284 :  Yes this will be difficult, but you owe it to yourself and to him to be honest and end this. Start figuring out a plan, where you can go, saving money for a new place, etc. Also, be honest with your husband. Tell him how you feel, how you have felt, and that for both of you to grow and be happy, you need to divorce. 

Post # 12
Member
11652 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You’ve already decided to leave, so I think your real question was at the end of your post- looking for others’ stories who’ve btdt.

But to the title question, Two things: 

1. It’s easy as heck to think you’re in love with a stranger you have only spent two weeks with. 

2. If you read your post from a few months ago about surprising your husband, you sounded full of love for him.

It’s easy to forget how we got somewhere. I’m not saying this to judge, but rather because you will get the most out of this post if it causes you to think about your feelings and decisions. 

I have no clue what’s right for you or your marriage. Only you know that, and you don’t owe anyone an excuse or explanation except your husband.

I do know that sudden infatuation is a dangerous and distorting lens to throw on your marriage or any relationship. Nothing looks good compared to the imagination of what could have been. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

tiger4284 :  Do you just love and care about your husband as a friend? You keep saying you love him, but there are different kinds of love…do you have any desire to have sex with him, kiss him, hold his hand, anything romantic at all? I think attraction needs to be there for a marriage to work. You may not always be totally attracted to your spouse at all times, but regardless I think you need to have some feelings of being romantically and sexually attracted. I know you say you don’t want to hurt him but honestly, in the long run, if you really don’t want to have a romantic relationship with him, it will probably hurt less if you leave as opposed to a lifetime of not giving him the love he needs and deserves. There will be a time of extreme pain but maybe he could find someone who loves him in ways besides just platonically.

Post # 15
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes you should leave your husband. I’m sure it will be painful to tell him but it is soo much kinder than staying with him when you aren’t truly in love him. Set him free now. Not only will he be much happier in the end, but so will you.  

This is a chemistry issue, so it’s no one’s fault but you probably never should have dated him that long and married him in the first place. You should still be attracted to him and wanting to have sex with him after the amount of time you’ve been together. 

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