(Closed) should I leave my job before the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Career
Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Have you asked for a raise from your boss? I read once that men are much more likely to ask for a raise, which accounts for a surprising percentage of the gender difference in compensation.

That jibes with my expericen working as a manager.  The men frequently ask for raises, whereas I have never been approached for a raise from a female employee. But when I bring it up, it becomes clear that it has been on their minds.

I hope the conversation tomorrow goes well – good luck!!

Post # 4
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

First, do you know for a fact you are paid less?  Did your friend / former coworker know for a fact / have proof, or was she speculating?  Are there other reasons you would have been offered less to start (less experience / education)?  If you start getting paid less, you will take at least a couple (or more) years to catch up in pay.

Also, did you tell your boss that you felt the workload was unfair?  Maybe he gave you the workload because he thought you could handle it and do a good job.  Sometimes you get the most work when you’re the best worker.

And have you told your boss why you’re upset for getting paid less?  As Mr Bee says, just ask for a raise.

As frustrated as you are, you can’t just stopped doing a good job at work.  Well you can, but you shouldn’t.

And if you are that unhappy, take the new job.  Yes you’re busy, but would you rather be busier planning a wedding and learning a new job OR would you rather be busy planning a wedding and hating your job?  That’s the question you have to decide between.

Good luck!

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You can’t get fired for asking for a raise – just have concrete examples of work you’ve been doing to justify it. You can also mention you ‘feel as though’ you’re paid below average in your industry. Don’t mention anything about the other job!

Post # 6
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

First I would say that you need to step back from the emotions of the situation.  It’s great to vent here, but when you speak to your boss, do it in a very calm and collected manner.

Document EVERYTHING you speak about.  I bet your boss is going to try and turn this in to a performance issue which is just a way to cover his/her tracks.  I would also discuss the situation with a lawyer just to understand what the lay of the land is in your case…

Don’t be pushed around, and certainly don’t let emotion rule.  Think it through and best if you do that with an objective party.

Good luck!

Post # 7
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I remember a few months back when you had concerns about your position and you letting us know that your boss scheduled you double what you had requested and whatnot.

I agree with doctorgirl, document EVERYTHING and stay professional and calm.

I think when you speak with your boss let him know that you would like to STAY where you are but have been given other offers and you are concerned about what incentive is there if you stay. Can they offer a raise and promise to be more consistent in quarterly reviews? Don’t say that you will leave if they can’t give you less hours/more pay/equal respect but do let them know that other offers are out there. 

Post # 9
150 posts
Blushing bee

I have a friend in the same position, she found out a fellow employee who has no college education and is doing a similar position but less work is getting paid about $5k more than her(not as much as what it seems like you are finding out, but still a bummer!). with all the compensation privacy agreements and such its hard to say "hey i know i’m getting screwed here!" without giving the other person up. Being overworked and underpaid has to be one of the worst feelings ever! She is doing the same, looking for another job and says if it pays the same thats fine as long as it is paying correctly for the amount of work required. The reference situation is tough too!


Follow your gut, good luck to you! 

Post # 10
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You say you were just approached by another job, that’s great.  You now have leverage in negotiations!  During your "discussion," mention the fact that you are a hot commodity, but would really rather remain loyal.  Ask your boss what he can offer to get you to stay.  Don’t be too specific about what you want.  Let him make the first offer, even if it means sitting awkwardly in silence for a minute.  The less talking you do, the more he has to think on his feet.  I understand your pain.  I just switched careers and took a $16,000 pay cut, so I know where you’re coming from!

Post # 11
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with teamzeewagen.  Document everything, stay calm, and when you ask for a raise, mention that you’ve been approached with another offer.  Tell him that you feel you are not currently being fairly compensated for the amount of work you do, but that you like your job and coworkers.  Tell him to make you an offer.

Good luck! 

Post # 12
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you know what you want to do, and you’re just thinking about the pros and cons. Document everything, and ask for a raise in a calm manner. If you’re that unhappy, you should consider taking the other job. Getting paid less for a job you enjoy is FAR better than getting paid more for a job you’re resentful of.

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