Post # 1
i have been with my fiance for a year and we have been engaged for 5months now,my problem is that my fiance is someone who doesnt listen to how i feel,whenever i tell him how i feel it turns out to be about him and he would tell me that im the last person to be complaining about what he does or doesnt while he puts up with me everyday and every conversation i have with him while trying to communicate will lead him to calling the engagement off and removing the ring away form my finger and telling his family that the wedding is off.and after an hour he cooled down he would come and say “im sorry and heres your ring” and he tells the family that we on again and i would forgive him because i love him and i want this to work.He has broke off with me 3tyms since our engagement.
but it now pains and scares me that whenever we having arguments abiut smaller things,he jumps into calling the engagement off and sometimes i wouldnt even know how to approach him about stuff that doesnt sound right with me.i am not a loud person who maybe yells at him or cause a scene i always approach him calmly and down but yet i do not get the response i would expect instead the wedding is off and the ring is taken back.I ask myself this question,does he really wanna be with me?is he confused?is he selfish that he doesnt wanna listen to how i feel and work on it because i do that all the time.i listen to him while talking about how he feels and always change for him and i dont call off the wedding,but i get the opposite.I love this man and i have been trying to fix things with him and make this relationship work but i now feel maybe its not working or maybe im with the wrong person or we engaged for the wrong reasons.
Please Help i am confused because i am in love with him i might not seeing the light.
Post # 3
You both don’t sound mature enough for marriage, but especially him. I personally wouldn’t stay with a man who acted like this much of a child. It will likely only get worse with time, being married won’t magically fix it.
This doesn’t sound like a healthy, stable, open and honest relationship with clear communication and mutual respect, which is essential before even considering marriage. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Post # 4
@kaygel: what would your advice be to to your best friend if she told you all this?
Post # 5
I would call off he engagement; it sounds like neither one of you is ready, and like someone else said, getting married isn’t going to suddenly change your relationship and make it better. If you really want to be with him, take away the pressure of the engagement and just date each other – no big commitments, no living together or plans for engagement, just date and get to know each other better. If you only got engaged after being together for 7 months, I think there’s still a lot you need to learn about each other, yourselves and your relationship. If you still love him in a year or so, thrn maybe you can start talking about engagement again.
Post # 6
No, do not get married to this man.
Post # 7
IMO relationships that are “on and off” go no where and I would not marry someone who tells me my feelings are not valid.
its not a healthy relationship
Post # 8
He also sounds kind of controlling. I dont like how he makes you take your ring off and goes as far as calling his family (I would be embarrassed) and then straight to “I’m sorry marry me again”.
Again, IMO, I have been with my FI for almost 5 years. We have never taken a break, broken up, or threatened each other with anything like that. So IMO we have been together and in love since March 12, 2009.
When people are on and off, you have only been “in love” and dating since the last time you decided to get together again. I don’t think you know him well enough and for this reason I would at the very least call off the engagement or break up with him.
Post # 9
TBH I didn’t read this. My standard answer to anyone going on a forum asking if they should break off the engagment is YES. If it that bad you need strangers to tell you, you should not get married.
Post # 10
If he threatens calling off the engagement over any little argument then it sounds to me like he is either trying to control you (make you fearful of giving your own opinion in case it does get called off so in the end you will just let him choose everything) or he isn’t ready for marriage and the commitment and is looking for an excuse.
I think the fact that you are unsure yourself also speaks volumes and I think you should listen to what your head is saying.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t be with someone who called off our engagement all the time over little issues. I’d tell him to keep that ring the next time he takes it off.
Post # 12
@kaygel: I would not marry him. Sounds like he’s very childish and can’t have a adult coversation and when you have an opinion opposite of him, he uses the engagement to control you. I would leave him.
Post # 13
Childish behavior. Not ready for marriage. Move on! unless of course you enjoy being treated like a child.
Post # 14
@kaygel: I’m going to guess that you’re both pretty young because you rushed into an engagement so quickly and by the way you argue. I’d say you’re not ready to be married or even engaged. You don’t know each other well enough and you’re not communicating well.
I would get pretty fed up with someone jerking my chain like he’s jerking yours. Not cool. If you’re fed up, then leave. If you stay, put the engagement on the back burner and insist you go to couples counseling.
Post # 15
Thanks guys..i would tell my friend to get out of the relationship becuase its clear that its going nowhere.Deep in my heart i know and cansee that we are going nowhere with this relationship.i will jus move on and get out of this one. I am 25 and he is 33
Post # 16
@kaygel: Ahh, he likes to threaten you because that’s probably the only way he knows how to cope with and handle your situations. This behavior can be easily fixed with counseling. To be honest if you give him the chance I would set the wedding date back because this will take time, but certainly not impossible.
I’m in no way saying how he threatens you is ok, I’m just saying it is possible for him to change his method of thinking and how he approaches dealing with arguments(and if he puts in the effort to)