Post # 1
We went to visit FI’s parents last week, which was great, since they live halfway across the country and we only see them a few times a year. During conversation about the wedding, FMIL said something that I’m not sure what to think…
The day before the wedding, my FI and both our fathers are setting up tables/chairs etc. for the reception, while me and both our mothers are going to do the flowers. We have a flower farmer, not a florist. We will pick our flowers from her garden, then she will help us make the bouquets, centerpieces, etc. We are not having a wedding party to help with such things, so I thought this could be some bonding time for me, my step-mother (my mother is not around) and my FMIL.
So, back to last weekend… I was talking to FMIL about the flowers, and she says “oh yeah my sister Jean wants to do that too!” I just said “okaayyy…” but in my head I said “I’ve never even met your sister Jean, why would I want her making my wedding flowers with us?!” I have never met Jean and FI is definitely not close with her.
FMIL and aunt Jean are traveling together from across the country, but they will also have their husbands with them, so it’s not like they will be alone. Can’t aunt Jean and her husband go sightseeing or something the day before the wedding? OR should I just suck it up and not mention it? I know the guys would be glad to have Jean’s husband help set up tables… but I was looking forward to special flower-time with my mothers!
What would you do, bees?
Post # 3
@Pumpkin_Bee: I would tell her exactly your last sentence. You want to spend that time with just your moms. She should understand that.
Post # 4
I would personally let her come. I completely understand that you are wanting some motherly bonding time, but you never know! This woman could be a flower arranging genuis! And you might get to know your new aunt a little better than you normally would have (being so busy with the wedding and all). It could be awkward, or it could be awesome. I’m an avoider though, I hate hurting people’s feelings, even if I’m in the right!
Post # 5
I’d toatlly let her come. It’s so nice that she wants to help, and she will be family soon. Right now you’re thinking the day before your wedding will be bonding and all smiles, but in reality you will be stressed, have a million last minute things to do, and will be very grateful for the extra hands.
Post # 6
OF COURSE you invite her! I would be so happy she offered to come help! you get to know another female family member well, and her being there will probably make your MIL more comfortable too, since you and your step-mom have had a relationship much longer than you and she.
Post # 7
Yes, you should invite her. We picked and arranged the flowers for my wedding this past weekend, and believe me, you will be grateful for an extra set of hands! Honestly it will just make you look a bit bad to not let her come – it’s not like she is a random family member, despite the fact that you are not close, and you said so yourself that it would also help if her husband could set up. We did the set-up ourselves too for the wedding and it’s also a fairly time consuming process! I think saying no really puts you in a lose-lose situation, you look kind of bad for doing so and you also have fewer hands to help out.
Post # 8
Yeah, this a no-brainer to avoiding drama: just let her come.
Post # 9
@Pumpkin_Bee: …sometimes the best things in life, are the things we didn’t plan on. I know you’ve banked on this flower adventure to be a Mom’s only event, and that’s great, but for all you know, Jean is the Michealangelo of flowers and hilarious and fun and is going to take something that was going to be…a pretty good time into the stratusphere of awesomeness…don’t miss that because you don’t know her.
Post # 10
I would totally invite her. One, she is important to your FMIL and it sounds like they want to spend some time together to so what better way for everyone to bond? Plus you will have extra help for your flowers 🙂
Post # 12
Thank you bees, for all the advice! I did not see this as Jean wanting to help, I saw it as Jean inviting herself to and intruding on my flower time! Thanks for helping me see the big picture 🙂 I will now look forward to getting to know my new aunt Jean! And hoping my step-mother doesn’t invite her sister… 😉