Post # 1
Okay bees so my husband and I have been married since May 2011 but couldn’t get an engagement ring since I just graduated from college and he was supporting us both on his teacher salary. Now, we both make good money and have decided to purchase both an engagement ring and a wedding band.
The problem is that we have very different styles in everything so this search is no different. He is very traditional and goes with what is common. He’s been searching on his own and has been saving pictures to our computer of the settings that he likes and they’re not horrible or anything but just different than what I would pick out myself. He keeps saying that if I feel strongly about a certain set or stone shape that he’ll respect that and buy me what I want and that he just wants me to be happy. I know though that if we had the money back in 2010/2011 that he would’ve wanted to pick out the ring himself and surprise me so I feel kind of guilty and bad for wanting something different… Like I’m taking something, an experience, away from him. Am I over thinking it?
Here is the ring he saved and likes the best. He would choose a 1ct forever brillant center. I believe a bee on here has/had this setting.
Here is the set that I like the best. Ideally I would love a 1ct oval but he really doesn’t like that shape at all so I guess I would be willing to compromise by getting the 1ct round brillant that he likes the most.
Post # 3
@GatsbyMama: It will be on YOUR finger. Hopefully he cares enough to make you happy and get what you want! DH and I went ring shopping together, though he ultimately said to get whatever I like. His ring should be about him, and your ring should be about you!
Post # 4
You have to wear it, not him! Get what YOU love. Do you have any say in what he wears? :
Post # 5
@HappySky7: Actually yes! He has no style and only buys clothes that I pick out and buy him. I guess I just worry that I’m taking something meaningful away from him.
Post # 6
@GatsbyMama: I would pick 3+ options that I would be equally excited to have and then let him choose completely on his own.
Post # 7
I REALLY disliked the idea of hinting to my guy what I wanted – I thought it took the romance out of it. That was until he asked me to tell him what i liked….he said he really wanted to know. I’m SO glad I told him because he showed me what he was going to pick out and YEEEEEEEESH! Not to my taste at all.
Let him know what you want.
Post # 8
@GatsbyMama: Get the one you want – you will have it for a life time and it is a big purchase. If you settle, it will show in your reactions towards the ring (even if its only subtle). However if you get what you love, you will be absolutely glowing and talk about it all the time. Ultimately, it is that reaction that will make your husband love it the most and be proud that he was able to get you something you love so much!
Post # 9
I agree with ceebree. It would be nice if you could find a ring that both of you love. To be honest, it’s not really an engagement ring , you are married already. I could see that if you were still dating, and he picked the ring out and surprised you with an engagement, it would be one thing, but since you are now married, there’s no real surprise engagement anymore.
I don’t mean this in a negative way at all, by the way! You deserve a ring! My SO and I were together for 10 years before he finally formally asked me to marry him. We had talked about getting married for years and had discussed with we wanted for a wedding, etc, etc., so the engagement was no surprise to me. We went ring browsing in stores and online and I knew exactly what I wanted. I pretty much gave him specs and but the final, actual diamond and band were his choice based on what I had told him I would like. I’m happy it was this way because I got exactly what I wanted but he was able to choose one he loved, which made him happy, and suprised me with that.
Post # 10
I would show him what you like. I wouldn’t get picky about a specific ring, because he probably does want there to be an element of surprise. But I would show him the cuts that you like and different rings that you like. He’s not just going to buy only what he likes – he wants you to be happy! – but I think he also wants to love it and have a “that’s the one” moment with a ring. Ultimately, I’m sure he will consider what you have show him more than his own tastes.. but let him be the one that ultimately chooses it. ;D
One of the first things my FI said after the proposal was over and we were oogling the ring on my hand was, “I know it’s not what you wanted and I know you liked…” He was really upset that he didn’t get me what he thought I wanted based on what I had shown him pictures of (he gave me an heirloom ring and said we can upgrade the stone later — but I love it as is). But it was sweet that he wanted to take my desires into consideration even though he refused to ever take me ring shopping. I’m sure your husband wants to surprise you, too, but giving helpful style hints won’t hurt. 🙂
I feel like I just said the same thing over and over, oops! So… I will vote to compromise, but what I’m really saying is to be communicative!
Post # 11
@GatsbyMama: He’s getting you as a wife, that’s what he’s getting that’s meaningful.
Post # 12
@GatsbyMama: I wanted something very specific, and very unusual; had OH picked, I’d have ended up with a plain solitaire or three-stone which I absolutely did not want. So, I showed him a picture of my perfect ring, and he bought it.
I figure that while it is a ‘gift’ it is also a symbol of pledging to spend your future together as equals in marriage. Given that YOU will be the one wearing it, I feel that your preferences should take priority, provided of course that what you choose is in budget. I also feel that your OH should WANT you to have something that YOU love, and not push his preferences onto you; had my OH been like ‘Well, I prefer solitaires, so that’s what you’ll be getting’ I would have been upset and annoyed, and dramatic as it sounds, would have questioned his feelings for me. I would have found him pushing his tastes onto me borderline controlling.
Post # 13
Given that you are already married so not taking the surprise element out of a proposal, I’d pick what you want and steer your DH kindly, but definitely, in that direction! If you have waited this long for an engagement ring then it doesn’t seem unreasonable to get the one you really want.
Post # 15
It is your ring, definitely tell him what you want or at least your style of ring is 🙂
Post # 16
I always said I wanted to pick out my engagement ring myself (especially because my now husband does not have the best track record of picking out things that I like). However, he did choose my engagement ring and I absolutely love it. I have had so many compliments on it and when I tell people that he picked it out they are always surprised which makes him feel great. I did drop a few hints along the way about the cut of diamond I wanted which was enough to guide him in the right direction.
If you’re brave enough let your FI choose your ring. It will mean a lot more to both of you in the long run