Should I marry a guy who doesn't even kiss me & have 0 passion with?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you marry someone you had 0 passion with?
    Yep : (4 votes)
    2 %
    Nope : (74 votes)
    33 %
    Wtf why are you even asking that : (143 votes)
    65 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee

    DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. It is extremely hard to undo a porn addiction. My ex husband had a porn addiction and for 10 years I lived feeling undesirable. It was horrific for my self esteem. I decided to call it quits when he told me to get him more porn or he would cheat on me. We went to a sex therapist but the damage was done and the marriage could not be saved. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    7910 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Some people don’t need all that lovey dovey stuff, but it’s very disturbing that he’s rejecting you for his porn. I would be worried. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    264 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    …this is a question that you already know the answer to. However, I know you came here for some advice and I am going to give it to you. You need to seek counseling services before you marry. If he does not want to go, the wedding should be put on hold  until he has a discussion with you about your feelings and what can be done to make things better. You can not get married like this. It will only get more complicated after marriage…..it is easy to get married but hell to divorce. Please do not make a mistake that you will regret. Getting married sounds glamour like but it is a lifelong decision with someone that is supposed to be your partner for life…So, even though you do not want to postpone the wedding. It might be the best choice or immediately seek counseling services.

    Post # 49
    Member
    788 posts
    Busy bee

    You can totally have passion and intimacy without having sex and his not seeing that makes him a douchebag. 7 months with no display of intimacy is ridiculous; that makes him a friend, not a romantic partner. Dump him now and save yourself some heartbreak and hassle later on.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1976 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    We also waited until we were married to have sex but we were passionate we held hands and cuddled and snuggled while going for walks or watching tv.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1318 posts
    Bumble bee

    depends on what you are looking for from a marriage. do you just want a partner to make decisions with and a companion to do activities with? do you need a green card? do you feel that you are not able to function well on your own and are looking for someone to fulfill a caretaker role? are you asexual or aromantic? there are situations in which a passionless marriage is acceptable or even preferable, but from what you have said it doesn’t sound like any of those apply to you. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    8266 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

     

    You know this is going nowhere . “For your ‘purity’ “ is so creepy from a daily porn consumer . Purity is for chemical substances anyway,  it is a stupid word to use about a person . But this guy – sorry OP – sounds not only deeply unattractive, but also downright weird. 

    I’ve got nothing against celibacy per se, but not this , no way at all. Marrying him would be a profound mistake imho. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I would consider ending the engagement.

    Post # 54
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee

    I would bet so much money that he is gay & closeted out of shame due to his religious beliefs. Obviously I don’t know him & that may not be the reason, but that’s what this situation is screaming to me. Regardless of the reason though, it’s obvious that he is not sexually attracted to you AT ALL and that isn’t going to magically change once you get married. Run. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    4878 posts
    Honey bee

    So i have a friend who saved herself for her husband. It was very difficult for them because they had a strong attraction and love for each other. They were very dedicated to their religion as well so they did wait. The point of this is the waiting isnt supposed to be easy and they still knew at the end of the day there was a devotion to one another. They still held hands and stuff. I know massive porn consumption would have ruined all of this. Your Fiance doesnt just watch a little bit he watches more than most. To me this isnt about waiting for religious reasons its a problem he has with porn. 

    Talk to your religious counselor if you have access. Im pretty sure putting up with a porn addict isnt part of the deal. Also if this is for religion arent you two going to counseling via the church? Every friend i know had had to if they are going by the church. 

    Disclaimer im not a church member now. I did used to hold the ideal of waiting until marriage but stopped waiting  after awhile and decided I was ok with it.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  sweatergal007.
    Post # 57
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee

    Purity is one b$llsh$t excuse. Can I ask you how long are you together? 

    I believe sex is an important factor of a good relationship, as well as romance,  unless your 80+ and that’s just something not that important anymore. Before I broke up with my ex, I just stopped being sexually interested in him for about 4 months. Fights we used to have, dissapointment and disagreements – all of that had an impact on our relationship and my atrraction just died. We dated for 3 years..

    I had few convos with one of my guy friends, he said that his wife let herself go after wedding and put on weight a lot and does not try  to look pretty for him anymore. He said he is loosing interest in her and he is scared what to do and how to tell her.  I know it is a sensitive subject, some will say he should love me and it does not matter how I look. I think that can be true – a man can still love woman,  but I also think for sexual desire it does matter how woman looks, also it matters how he feels around woman – constant arguing kiils sex life. 

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    Post # 58
    Member
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    ramengirl :  one of my exes (perhaps two in retrospect) but DEFINITELY one had a legit addiction, it got between us (among many many other issues he had going on) and I ended it. I can tell you from experience it’s better to find to find the special guy that will take care of all your needs, not just one. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 59
    Member
    7372 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Sure if he’s a billionaire and you plan to cheat. Go for it.

    Silly rabbit. 

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