(Closed) Should I move out?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Does he have actual concerns about the wedding or is he just not excited about it?  Some guys just don’t get excited about weddings.  I think moving out is a bit drastic and sleeping in another room may give him the wrong idea.

Do you expect things to change after the wedding?  Have you done premarital counseling?  If not counseling, then it’s a good idea for you two to sit down and discuss what you each expect to be different or the same once married.  Talk about chores, children, finances, vacations, holidays, etc…

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/marriage-prep-101

Post # 4
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Men dont really get excited about wedding stuff…..and in a way he is correct in that things wont really change too much…I think you are reading too much into it BUT for sure you guys need to have a chat to make sure he is still on the same page as you and wants to get married.

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

If you asked him if he was excited to be married to you and he replied “I don’t know” I don’t think your biggest issue is moving out for 6 weeks? Plenty of people live together before they get married, and still view marriage as a huge and significant step (which it is). It sounds like either cold feet or second thoughts, and in either instance you two should sit down and have a real conversation about. Your SO should be happy to marry you, not indifferent?

Post # 7
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t move out for a month and a half, because I don’t think it will change anything. What I would do, though, is talk to him and make sure that he’s still excited about getting married, and that he was just being grumpy before when he said what he said. Try to find out what’s bothering him — the cost of the wedding? Or the idea of being married? 

Post # 9
Member
3320 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsBeck:  I’m very confused by this post. Why would you move out for a month? You are engaged, and going to be married soon. If you have some sort of moral objection to living together first, well that ship has already sailed and a month apart won’t change that. If you are concerned he doesn’t want to get married anymore, then that’s a whole different situation. His responses to you seem more like the responses of a guy who just is kind of not into the whole wedding thing. It doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with the fact that it’s you. If his lack of enthusiasm is making you uncomfortable, you should talk to him about how you’ve taken it personally and want to feel confident that he is happy about the decision.

Post # 11
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsBeck:  any time that fiance and I have a problem it is always caused by us not communicating properly…men and women are so different so is very important to have a proper honest chat…I usually think he means one thing and quite often it is totally NOT what I think he means..

Post # 12
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MrsBeck:  That was really kind of crappy of him.  Was he just in a bad mood or something?

There are people out there that feel like marriage doesn’t really change anything if you’re already living together and plan to spend the rest of your lives together.

I’m not one of them – my husband and I lived together before marriage and marriage was the next step and the ultimate commitment. 

All that said, if you still plan to marry this man – I really fail to see the point of moving out for a month.  Do you think that would make him excited for the wedding or feel that things would change?  I kind of doubt it. 

Maybe the two of you just need to talk.  If his position is that he’s just not excited about your future or your marriage – that’s significant.  However if his position is that he already loves you and feels committed to you then, it just kind of is what it is and not a bad thing – just dissapointing for you because you want him to feel the same excitement that you do.

Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to be a bit dramatic here:

Move out! If you don’t miss him (and more importantly, if he doesn’t miss you), call off the wedding!

My fiance couldn’t give a care about napkin colors or food choices, but you bet your sweet bippy he’s excited about MARRYING me. And we’ve lived together for a year now.

Maybe your fiance is using different words (perhaps he’d say he’s “happy” or “scared” instead of “excited”), but he has to be feeling SOMETHING about getting married. Get to the root of that, and deal with it from there. Do not get married to someone whose only concern is TAXES.

 

Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend always says he doesn’t get excited about events until the day of. It sucks bc I get so excited about our trips together weeks in advance but then he’s like, “NOPE, not until I’m on the plane going there!” I’d talk to him about it more before considering anything drastic.

Post # 16
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

@MrsBeck:  No, daily life doesn’t change too significantly, you’re right. But it does feel different to know that this person you’re waking up to is not just your live-in gf/bf, they’re you’re life partner and potentially mother/father to your children. Maybe some guys wouldn’t get too worked up over the actual wedding, but being married is different. Darling Husband and I moved in together after we got engaged but he said it felt wonderful and different to be able to call himself my husband after we got married, and that it meant something much more to him to commit in that way. 

The topic ‘Should I move out?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors