Post # 1
I am 29 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been dating for four years this September. We have lived together for a little over a year. I brought up the M word subject two months ago. He told me that he wanted to marry me someday and asked if I had a schedule. I didn’t at the time but am just now starting to feel my biological clock ticking. I don’t want to break up with him but I feel that I must have pressured him to live together. However, he says that if he didn’t want us to live together, we wouldn’t. I’m getting frustrated and starting to feel as if we aren’t getting anywhere. What should I do?
Post # 3
I’d bring up the topic again and explain exactly what you explained here.
Post # 4
I agree with Twista.
You should talk with him and let him know how you feel. Don’t keep pestering him about if he feels like you pressured him into doing something he didn’t want to though. That will just push him away. Just let him know how you feel and ask him how he feels and then set a timeline together.
Post # 5
I agree. Bring it up once, tell him what you want and then let him thinking it over without you bothering him constantly. If you want to get engaged soon, let him know that you would be fine with a cheapo ring and a courthouse ceremony (if you are okay with those things) so that he knows money isn’t an object.
Post # 6
I agree with others bring it up again since you didnt have a timeline then he has no idea you do now.
Post # 7
I lived with my fiance for a few years before we got engaged (which really really bothered me because I was raised in a family that believed that living together before marriage was a “sin”). I even explained to my fiance when we first talked about moving in together that I would only agree to do it if a marriage proposal was going to be coming in a few months following us moving in together. When a few YEARS passed without a proposal, tensions started to build BIG TIME. It really bothered me to be living together like that and not to be at least engaged. I felt like there was nothing different between our relationship at the time and a relationship between a married couple other than the actual marriage certificate… so I couldn’t understand why he was dragging his feet so much. I called it “pretending to be married”. I had to finally give him an ultimatum.. because I felt like it would go on like that for another few years unless I put my foot down. I think some guys get comfortable in the “living together without being married” scenario and need some sort of kick in the butt to get to the next step. I even packed my stuff one day when he was at work and told him I couldn’t live with him anymore unless he was formally going to commit to me (but I was prepared emotionally for him to say “ok, if that’s what you have to do, then move out.”). You can’t just let things go the way they are without having SERIOUS conversations about it, or else he’s probably just giong to keep waiting because it’s the “easier” thing to do.
Post # 8
I would definitely bring it up. I would tell him that when he asked originally about a timeline, that you were caught off guard, but that you have been giving it some real thought since then and then tell him how you really feel. Just be open and honest, but I wouldn’t make such a drastic decision without having a conversation with him first.
Post # 9
Why would you think you pressured him into moving in together? I don’t see how that follows at all from you’ve said.
Personally I wouldn’t move out unless I no longer wanted to live with him. If I want to live with him – I’m staying – if I don’t want to live with him I’d move out. To me that makes sense.
The question of marriage is a separate one for me. If I needed marriage I’d let him know and give him a reasonable time frame in which I suspected I would become so disapointed at a lack of formal commitment that I would end the relationship.
Post # 10
It sounds like you aren’t really communicating with him about this. Instead of being upfront about your expectations and wishes, you are pssively reading into his behavior. The way to solve this is to speak to him directly, not mysteriously move out and leave him standing in the street scratching his head. If you can’t communicate effectively, you should not be thinking of marriage…
Post # 11
If the sugbject of marriage was just brought up 2 months ago, you are being a little hasty with moving out, in my opinion. Talk to him again and really tell him how you feel, see what he thinks and feels, then decide what to do.
I still think you need to take a little more time before moving out.
Post # 12
I think you are a bit hasty in saying you think you need to move out… from what you have said you havent actually told him how important marriage is to you and how soon you expect an engagement.
be honest with him, tell him how waiting is making you feel, and ask him how long he thinks you will be waiting.
Post # 13
Just bring it up, say that you’ve been thinking some more about what you’ve discussed (because who doesn’t think these serious conversations over LONG after the fact) and explain where you are at. You might be surprised.
Post # 14
I would bring it up and tell him exactly what you feel so that he knows where you want the relationship to go sooner rather than later.
Post # 15
I’m a little confused about your post. He asked you if you had a schedule, and now you are thinking of moving out? To me, that sounds a little like playing a game, and with games, there is always the chance you could lose. You should be honest with him, and have a conversation about it and not leave him guessing as to what you want. Men can be thick sometimes and you have to come right out and say what you want. I would keep the conversation as such- no whining or complaining, just tell him that you would really like to be engaged by x date….
Post # 16
I agree that you need to share with him how you feel. No secrets, no interpretations of what you think he means…put it all out on the table. It’s possible to do this in a non-blaming way.
I’m not sure about bringing up the topic of moving out. You want to be absolutely sure about that. Make a deal with yourself that you have to be consistant for a WHOLE WEEK, that means you think it’s the best thing for you to leave the relationship…. for 7 days in a row, if you decide you love him again at any point during those 7 days it doesn’t count. This will keep you from threatening to leave/trying to manipulate him by leaving. You want to really mean it when you talk about leaving.