(Closed) Should I offer MOH an “out”?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you should talk to her. Just let her know you’re concerned because she has been telling you about her money worries. Hopefully she’ll be honest with you about what she’s capable of!

Side note – Where on the East coast? I’m from Halifax!

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh fun!! 🙂 Love my east coast heritage!!

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t say anything to her right now. There’s no need. And she might take it the wrong way if you try to give her an out, it might backfire.

What I would do is have a heart-to-heart with the 2 other East Coast BM’s and express your concerns about Maid/Matron of Honor. Just say that there’s a very good possibility she won’t be able to make it due to financial reasons, so you might need them to run the show. Tell them you aren’t going to say anything for now, just wait it out, but not to be surprised if it happens. Tell them to let you know if they hear anything (like her complaining about money for your wedding) so they’re on the lookout. It’ll be a team effort.

Post # 7
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that is a good idea. The way you phrased it here sounds good. It is fair and nonaccusatory.

Post # 8
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I would def discuss it with her and try to offer her an “out” as you say.  I think it would be better for all parties involved if you found out now, rather than a few weeks before the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have some friends like that, and while she may very likely end up dropping out, she probably hasn’t admitted that to herself yet, and probably won’t until the time comes to drop out.

I would be afraid that she’ll be hurt if you offer her an obvious out. Unless you want to help her with the finances to come, I’d say prepare yourself for the reality that she may drop out, but don’t say anything to her. Just be ready to accept it gracefully if the time should come.

I hope, for your sake, that she will ultimately be able to make it.

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