Post # 1
I am having my wedding in my Fiance hometown on Canada’s East Coast. All of our family is from the East Coast, so it made sense to hold the wedding there instead of my current place of residence, Vancouver, BC (Canada’s West Coast). My two bridesmaids are from the East Coast, but I asked a close friend from Vancouver to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was excited and said yes. We are having a very small wedding on a tight budget.
But in the back of my mind, I know her attending the wedding will be a money issue. We talked last night, and she was going on about how she can’t afford her rent (but she buys Coach purses and designer clothes), but she “wasn’t going to think about her financial future”. I know she is barely making ends meet, but she is the type of person who will not let on how bad things really are. And, like I implied, she can make bad spending decisions (no money for rent, but money for designer clothes).
I pretty much determined it will be highly likely she won’t be attending the wedding. And she is the type of person would likely tell me a few weeks beforehand (“Oh, so I tried really hard, but I couldn’t save enough money to come to your wedding”). I feel like I want to know now and save myself the potential heartache. So should I offer her an out? Say something like “I know money is really tight right now, so I wanted to let you know that it is okay if you don’t make it to my wedding. But I just want to know now rather than right before the wedding if you can’t make it”.
All this is for her best interests – I don’t think anyone should have to go bankrupt to attend the wedding. I still want to be her friend, but just let her know its okay if she has to step down. I had arranged for her to get free accomodations, but she would likely have to pay at least $600 for a plane ticket, plus food while she is there.
What should I do? Wait for her to tell me herself or offer her an out? I might be surprised and she may come, but I really just get the vibe that that is wishful thinking.
Post # 3
I think you should talk to her. Just let her know you’re concerned because she has been telling you about her money worries. Hopefully she’ll be honest with you about what she’s capable of!
Side note – Where on the East coast? I’m from Halifax!
Post # 4
Yup, Halifax, NS! Specifically at a house in Purcell’s Cove 🙂
Post # 5
Oh fun!! 🙂 Love my east coast heritage!!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t say anything to her right now. There’s no need. And she might take it the wrong way if you try to give her an out, it might backfire.
What I would do is have a heart-to-heart with the 2 other East Coast BM’s and express your concerns about Maid/Matron of Honor. Just say that there’s a very good possibility she won’t be able to make it due to financial reasons, so you might need them to run the show. Tell them you aren’t going to say anything for now, just wait it out, but not to be surprised if it happens. Tell them to let you know if they hear anything (like her complaining about money for your wedding) so they’re on the lookout. It’ll be a team effort.
Post # 7
I think that is a good idea. The way you phrased it here sounds good. It is fair and nonaccusatory.
Post # 8
I would def discuss it with her and try to offer her an “out” as you say. I think it would be better for all parties involved if you found out now, rather than a few weeks before the wedding.
Post # 9
I have some friends like that, and while she may very likely end up dropping out, she probably hasn’t admitted that to herself yet, and probably won’t until the time comes to drop out.
I would be afraid that she’ll be hurt if you offer her an obvious out. Unless you want to help her with the finances to come, I’d say prepare yourself for the reality that she may drop out, but don’t say anything to her. Just be ready to accept it gracefully if the time should come.
I hope, for your sake, that she will ultimately be able to make it.